Ahhh...the unwitting brilliance of Eminem. What ever happened to him anyway? Well, where ever he may be, he gave us this week's blog question so clearly he has not outlived his usefulness!
How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...". I know I've said it at least once in the past month! In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?
It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make?
Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences. My question is: Why? Why do we care? Why is it important? Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us? Or do they? Be honest with yourself when you answer. After all, it's just us.
(400 words/55pts)
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OH BOY, DO I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THIS. <3
ReplyDeleteI’ve often found myself thinking about this very same question, and it seems there is really only one answer that makes logical sense. Of course people influence the way we act and what we say. We depend on people to get by! If no one liked the way someone was or how they acted, that person would be all alone and would have no help. In order to survive, it makes sense for people to want to fit in and be accepted by others. Whether they are our parents, close friends, or even bullies, everyone we interact with has some impact on how we act.
ReplyDeleteOr, at least, that’s how I am. On a personal level, I can safely say that this applies to me all the time. Everyone I have ever met or talked to has changed me in some way. Their ideas and behaviors influence my ideas and behaviors. More or less, I am a sponge. I catch myself sometimes (a lot of the time) using a phrase someone else uses all the time, and it scares me. Who am I? To what extent am I just an extension of other people?
I was born a very outgoing person. When I was little, I would bother my brother and my parents endlessly. I am left-handed, which usually predicts an outgoing or goofy personality in someone. I guess their endless annoyance with my childish behavior made me want to be quiet. Quiet people, while never usually loved, are at least respected. All I know is that when I was loud and outgoing, I was neither.
Then there are my friends. Growing up, I didn’t have many. I still don’t, really. I’m friends with a lot of people, but I never really do much with them. I have a sort of social inferiority complex (maybe I’m exaggerating… I don’t know), which makes me feel like most people make more sense than I do and are more accepted than I am, so absorbing some of their tendencies will make me more accepted. Needless to say, these types of influences change the way I act drastically.
But that isn’t always a bad thing. I was also raised to be a good boy, to be respectful of others and to not do wrong. Although that sets me apart from a lot of other guys out there, that isn’t always (or ever) a bad thing. In that case, I suppose I would rather be different. If I hadn’t had such good influences in my family, I know myself well enough to realize I would be just as big of a jerk as everyone else, if not more so. Basically, by nature, I have the potential to be drastically different than I am, and although any of the innumerable other personalities I could exhibit would probably get me more noticed by people, I feel as if the path I have chosen is the right one. I am happy with myself. And I suppose ultimately, that is all that matters.
Bunj, now there's no stopping JV..
ReplyDeleteFrom time to time, I have thought out loud: "I don't care what anyone else thinks...". Usually, I direct such sentiment at my own self-deriding conscience, which constantly, so kindly, reminds me of how I sound stupid when I stumble for words or how I look ridiculous with my huge book bag slung carelessly over one shoulder. Pretending that I could care less about others’ opinions sometimes gives me the courage to speak out or try something new, though, in most situations, pretend is about all I can do. For example, one day a week or two ago I decided to wear a new short dress/button-down plaid shirt/thing, tights, and dressy shoes to school. The ever-annoying voice in my head kept murmuring: “You’re going to look stupid. You don’t dress like that. It’s not you. Everyone is going to look at you like you’ve lost your mind.” Finally, I told myself to shut up; I was going to wear the thing and wasn’t going to care a bit about what anyone else thought. The day went well, no one stared at the shirt/dress and by lunch I was feeling pretty good about myself for being brave enough to step out of my clothing rut. However, in my next class, a friend asked why I was “dressing up” and while I stumbled for words she followed up with “it looks cute on you”, or something of the like. I beamed. “Got ‘cha,” snickered my mental voice. So much for not caring what others thought! So, though I try not let others opinions affect me too much, I am definitely affected by them. I do, however, usually manage to minimize the impact of other people’s perceptions on my decisions. For instance, the type of clothes I wear can be swayed by others expectations—I wouldn’t walk into school clad in a frilly mini skirt and polka-dot sweater because neither fits the version of me that others expect to see. However, I always take my own values and personal preferences into consideration as well—I wouldn’t walk into school clad in a frilly mini skirt and polka-dot sweater because I don’t WANT to wear either. And while smaller matters—the clothes I choose, whether or not I go to a dance, etc—may be influenced by my peers’ opinions, I never let peers perceptions of me sway the larger decisions in my life. For instance, am I going to go to Math Genius University because most of my friends view me as a math genius? No way! College is a huge decision and it’s something I have to figure out for myself.
ReplyDeleteWhy we react to internal and external pressures that demand we behave one way or another depends on the pressure’s origins. For example, we generally strive to meet our peers’ expectations because of our human need to fit in. Many people, especially teenagers, thrive on companionship and thus act in response to pressures from their companions. Even “true friends” who “don’t judge you” do exert some sort of pressure—for example, your best bud might tell you that you look amazing in purple and as a result you wear more purple… the influence doesn’t have to be negative. Although many don’t consciously strive to meet their peers’ approval, people generally stay within a certain set of unspoken guidelines for their group. For example, if a boy is viewed as a geek and he wants to maintain that image and continue to “fit in”, he probably won’t spend his nights getting drunk at wild parties. Even those who claim that they could care less about fitting in do ascribe to public expectations to some extent simply because it’s easier. Even the most committed nudist would probably throw on an old shirt and sweat pants for a trip to Target because it’s easier than dealing with sneers, employees “what do I do about this” expressions, and close encounters with the policeman kind. We strive to meet our own expectations because we know what we are capable of accomplishing and because our personal values dictate our behavior. Personally, if I know I have not tried my hardest or behaved in a way consistent with my values, I feel both angry and guilty, like I cheated myself. If we can’t be true to ourselves, why should we expect others to be true to us? Many are also driven by belief systems and/or family or cultural values and hold themselves to these standards because they believe strongly in the principals behind them. Reasons behind the desire to meet parental expectations vary greatly depending on one’s particular parent/child relationship. Some act in accordance with their parents expectations in fear of punishment, others in expectation of reward, others because they trust or agree with their parents’ judgment, etc.
ReplyDeleteWhile we are affected by so many behavior-altering influences, it’s important to remember that such influences do not have to be negative. Striving to meet personal expectations helps us meet goals and keeps us on the path to success. Though parents’ attitudes and perceptions vary, striving to meet positive of parental perceptions (such as being that a good big sister versus being a lazy slob) can help us grow and keep stay true to family, individual, religious, and cultural values in which we personally believe. Even the notorious peer pressure has positives. Take the geek example. If someone is perceived as a geek and therefore studies hard to meet that ideal, thus ending up on the high honor roll, could they really complain about “peer pressure”?
Do I care what others think? Of course! People who say they do not care what others think are lying. They are lying to you, they are lying to their friends and most of all they are lying to themselves.
ReplyDeleteAs much as we all want to say, “Pssshhht, I do what I what I want” and not give a damn about who sees it, we can’t, it’s just impossible. Fact is we all give a damn, a big damn… as big as a real dam…like the Hoover one. (That’s big right?) If it was socially acceptable to do- well anything, we would do it. I would wear zombie makeup and break into spontaneous musicals complete with song and dance every moment of the day if I could. Some people would come to school in odd clothes, some would probably come without clothes. But these things are weird. Why on Earth would I willing put myself out there to get laughed at and receive snickers? That would just be silly.
I have my comfort zone. I stay inside of it. I am fully aware of what a short, bubbly, white girl should be doing and to avoid people judging me I try and stick to those things. I don’t do basketball, I don’t dress in super slutty clothes, I don’t willingly dance hip hop (I have to in dance class…and boy that’s a mess), the list goes on. Other peoples’ opinions keep us in check, they keep us normal. Seriously, right now, go do something daring and potentially bizarre in front of a large group of people. You won’t. I know you won’t. What you will do is quietly mull it over, drop that idea like it’s hot and continue on with your day.
PART 2:
ReplyDeleteWhy do we care so much? Because who wants to be ‘that girl.’ That girl who sits in the back of the class muttering to herself and never to a neighbor, that girl who wears clothes you would never dream of trying on in a store you would never dream of entering. We all just want to fit in and people need to think you are normal to do so.
It is possible not to care what one person thinks, but you care about someone’s opinion. Admit it. Be it the boy/girl you swoon over, the popular crowd, or your best friend, someone’s perception defines the way you act. So for future reference, I don’t think I have said it thus far, but if I ever do, I give each and every AP Langer full permission to call me out if I ever tell you I don’t care what others think.
Over the year I have built a fortress around my emotions. I block out negative words and actions. I just brush them off and have a laugh as well. I believe in the motto,” Sticks and stones make break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Words can never do any harm that I don’t allow them. If I want to wear something most people won’t than I will. Matt and Mitch still mock me of the day I wore all camouflage to school. I just laugh and say I was trying to hide or something of the like. What people say means nothing to me if it doesn’t improve me in someway.
ReplyDeleteEven though I don’t let words hurt me I am still shaped by them. Like Lucas I can find myself using a phase that a friend uses often. I don’t bother with peer pressure, if there is something I strong believe against I won’t do it. I didn’t have a myspace or a facebook for a long time after they came out. I did finally get them after my friends told me how great they were. Peer pressure does affect me in some ways but I do not let it dictate my character and my life.
If it wasn’t for my mom wanting me to do higher class I may not be in them. It was my own chose to be in them but she pushed me to be in them. She made it easy to say yes; she would say the harder you work now the easier college will be. Hence I have stuck though all my hard classes even when they got almost too unbearable.
I think most people care about how other people see them because they are afraid of being called different, or weird. Kids form to what is the standard. They will not be chastised for their differences. I do not worry about this judgment. Why should I can for a bunch of superficial people? I am content with who I am. I change some due to peer pressure but not very much. Other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are impacts people so greatly because people want a feeling of belonging. I can be a little nervous at first but I soon remember I have nothing to fear. They laugh, than they laugh. It just makes me stronger and to try harder next time.
Lucas:
ReplyDelete“Their ideas and behaviors influence my ideas and behaviors. More or less, I am a sponge. I catch myself sometimes (a lot of the time) using a phrase someone else uses all the time, and it scares me… Who am I? To what extent am I just an extension of other people?”
I loved this part; the sponge bit made me smile! I definitely get where you’re coming from. Sometimes I feel like I am, consciously or not, “soaking up” others ideas as well, even parroting the beliefs of my contemporaries. However, in the end, I am still my own person. Whether or not many of my values and preferences are influenced by others (family, friends, etc), they are equally shaded by my own life experiences. I’m sure it’s the same for you, even if you don’t quite realize it. You probably won’t be an “extension” of someone else if you don’t agree with them. Even if you catch yourself using an expression that someone else coined, you’ve probably put your own little twist on it, perhaps by throwing in a quick smile or making a gesture that’s distinctively yours.
Jessie:
ReplyDeleteFor those that have been around me, they know that I have many.... um... let's say unique (maybe strange is a better word) gestures and faces that I make when I have to think. And I do realize that I am my own person. I guess I would only end up repeating someone else's phrase if it already agreed with what I thought.
Though I may have said before, "It doesn't matter what other people think," that's hypocritical advice. I've often told myself that I don't care what people think of me, but honestly, I do. Though some people may disagree, we all do to a certain extent.
ReplyDeleteI put on makeup everyday and my hair is always done. I don't do it for myself. No one wants everyone to think that they are ugly or lazy, but no one wants to admit it. A compliment is flattering to hear, and it makes us feel good. Most people (MOST, not all) say that out of ignorance. They don't want to believe it even if it they know it is true.
I've heard people say to a very unique girl, "Wow, I really admire your individuality. I wish I could be like you." Well you know what? You can, you just don't have the guts to do it. Go ahead, I dare you. Everyone is going to ridicule you and look down upon you. Your self esteem will drop, and you won't feel happy. That is why we care so much.
If it weren't for society constantly judging people, we would all be unique, and we wouldn't care what people thought. But because judgment is a main factor in life, we tend to shy away from anything that may be considered "weird." We all reside inside our comfort zones.
Life is mainly based on family, work, and friendships. Though friendships aren’t based upon looks, they are based upon the things you say, the way you carry yourself, etc. If everyone did what they wanted like many of them say, they wouldn’t leave the impression that they wanted to. In order to have an adequate social life, we need to be aware of our impressions on others.
I don't necessarily think it is a bad thing, but I do believe that everyone cares what people think about them to a certain extent.
As for Eminem, he's still out there making music. :) I actually like his music. Anyway, he says "I am whatever you say I am." After being told something for a very long time, we begin to believe that it is true. If everyone tells us we are ugly, we are most likely going to believe it. If someone tells us that we are funny, we believe it. We conform to the expectations of society.
Jessie : Irrelevant, but your outfit was cute the other day. I don't know why you felt awkward or out of place, because comparing it to society, like we often do, a lot of people wear stuff like that. Anyway,I agree with everything you said about your true friends that aren't supposed to judge. I don't think a person that had a lot to judge would ever become a true friend though. I feel as if you make true friends based on your similarities, though you may have many differences.
ReplyDeleteAlex: Though you say that you don't care about what people think, I believe that you do. You ask yourself why you care about what a superficial person thinks. You may not care about them, but you do care about what your friends think. You are shaped by friends and family more than society.
ReplyDeleteTaylor: Even if I didn't see your name posted next to your blog, I would always know that it's you. Anyway, I agree about perception of at least ONE person. Whether it be a parent, a sibling, a family member, etc., I think that everyone cares about the judgment of a least one person. If you didn't care what anyone in the world thought of you, you would be alone.
ReplyDeleteI think that I am affected by outside forces more than I am willing to admit. I may say that what others say or think of me does not matter because I know who I am and I know what makes me happy, but I think I only believe that about half of the time. There has been many times where I have wanted to do something and just know that my peers would never let me live it down. However, with time and growth I have been able to overcome a little of this pressure. I mean I am on the Chess Team which is supposed to be a club known for nerds and D&D freaks, but I am proud to be on it and I am open about it no matter what people think of it.
ReplyDeleteI am not completely sure why I care what other people think of me. It is not like they have to wake up each day with the mistakes or regrets that I wake up with. I should be able to live my life freely and happily. However, I do not live this way. I like to think that I am trying to make things easier for myself by being aware of the opinions of me around me. For example, I would not want to do something that I will get harassed about for the next two years of high school, would I? I have too much going on to deal with trying to stay emotionally stable as homework, family matters, and team pressure beat down on me to deal with the harassment of jokesters in my class. I hope that makes sense.
In the end, I may not understand why I care so much about what people think of me. I do not know why I let it influence decisions that I make or why in the world I would let it stop me from doing something I want to do. It does not make sense when I sit back and think about it but maybe that is just it. I never thought about it. Even in the times when I am letting it affect me, I do not think about it. I just let it affect me and change my mind on something I was so sure I wanted to do ten minutes ago. What does matter is that I know who I want to be and I know that by letting people’s opinion on me persuade me to be someone I am not, will not help me get to that place.
Jessie: I think that you are stronger than you admit. I know my opinion should not matter, I mean that is sort of the question of this blog but you have always inspired me to care less of what others think of me because of the attitude you have. Ever since freshman year, you have been secretly inspiring me to care less about what they think of me and more about what I think of myself.
ReplyDeleteKristen:I liked how you used the example of how you put make up on and do your hair everyday to show clearly that as much as you try, it is obvious some part of you cares what others think. I would have never thought of that as an example, probably because I cannot wear make up, but I like your style of writing and your example always make sense.
Taylor: "Do I care what others think? Of course! People who say they do not care what others think are lying. They are lying to you, they are lying to their friends and most of all they are lying to themselves."-- I love how I can just tell that you are talking. Anything that I read of yours just screams your name. It is like I can picture you saying it one time when we are walking to the bus. Besides that, the first two sentences of your blog is strong. You got your opinion out there and got it heard.
Jessie:
ReplyDeleteFirst off I love love loved that outfit! Second. I'm proud of you that you're taking risks in your life, even if it's onl fashion for now. Soon you'll feel like you can go out an do anything. The risk you took says a lot about your personality. It says that you have a self confidence about you, no matter how small your little voice in your head is telling you it is.
TayTay,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all the hoover damn is very big, very windy, and very hot. Next, I agree that it keeps us in check as far as being normal goes to have peer presure. The only problem is, I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good thing. I feel like we limit ourselves to being how other people think we should be. I feel like people are scared to be individuals. For me, when I look at someone and tell myself that they lok a little odd today, I also tell myself that I envy them. They're doing what I can't and expressing themselves however they want.
Kristen,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. Though I never say it to someone's face, becase I don't know how they'll take it, I always think wow I love their comfort with expresing themselves. I envy those people, but I don't think I could ever make myself go out of society's little fashion box and dress in something daring. I know I would get ridiculed adn I don't care how selfish this sounds, but I love compliments. If I'm having a bad day but someone tells me I lok cute it lifts me up. That's not something I could go without every day.
I care tons about what people think of me. Every day I wake up in the morning and go though about three or four outfits and either find something I love or I just give up on looking good for a day; but that one time, when I give up I hide all day. I don’t want anyone to look at me and see my crapped up outfit! I truly believe though, that an outfit can determine my day. If I’m looking good for a day and someone compliments me, that’s enough to keep me in a good mood for the whole day. It’s a tad superficial, I know, but nobody can honestly say they don’t like compliments.
ReplyDeleteThe place where I draw the line is at the fashion industry. I hate the fact that someone can just tell you that you look like shit and not feel the slightest bit guilty about it. In my opinion, positive comments are fine, but the second someone comes up to me and criticizes me, I feel like freaking out on them. Sometimes they’re not looking too hot themselves, and they have no room to talk. Fashion critics also criticize each other. It’s not a big deal that someone’s new dress is hot and someone had horrible designs for a specific season. If I were a fashion critic I would just say all my designs look good and everyone else’s suck and I would be ahead of the game.
I see this kind of negative feedback every day in school though. I can’t stand it when someone makes fun of another person’s image. Some people on this blog don’t know me, but I never make fun of people to their face or behind their back. I hate when people put down others when there’s so much that could be said about them. Even when my friends talk about someone behind their back I just sit there, don’t participate, and worry about what they say about me when I’m not there. The reason I don’t make fun of others is because I am constantly worried of what people have to say about me. I would hate to know that someone thinks I’m hideous or I dress weird, so I never open my mouth and partake in the jollies of people who act like they’re five years old.
My image is something that I stress about because I like being looked at in a good light. I like to have people say good things about me, but if they don’t it’s not the end of the world. Shit happens. I’m not saying I don’t care, because I definitely do, but I get over it in a day and move on. I let people think they’re superior to me and then prove them wrong when I get the chance.
Alex:
ReplyDelete” ‘Sticks and stones make break my bones but words will never hurt me.’ Words can never do any harm that I don’t allow them.”
I definitely admire your self-confidence and your strength in the face of cruel words. However, I have trouble believing that anyone is truly immune to the power of words. If I came to school and every day and mocked you in the most degrading, caustic language imaginable (I wouldn’t!), I might, perhaps, slowly peel away the layers of your confidence. But what if someone you really admire did that? What if a coach told you were the worst, smelly, good-for-nothing player in the world and should spend the rest of your life under a rock? It’s difficult for me to understand how such things could leave anyone unscathed.
Responses first, my actual post will come later.
ReplyDeleteLucas -
"I guess their endless annoyance with my childish behavior made me want to be quiet. Quiet people, while never usually loved, are at least respected. All I know is that when I was loud and outgoing, I was neither."
Okay, this might sound really, really stupid, but are you implying that loud and outgoing people are not as respected as those who are quieter? Would it be better if some people were just a bit more reserved? Could you clarify a bit? I understand that "childish" behavior is the reason you wanted to be quieter, (because who would want to be seen as childish!) but then you said if you were quieter, you would be more respected. Do those who are outgoing look childish to you? I might be misunderstanding you.
Taylor -
"I am fully aware of what a short, bubbly, white girl should be doing and to avoid people judging me I try and stick to those things."
That sits with me a bit weird. What you "should be doing". Sure I agree with you that people will always, without a doubt, care what other people think, even a little, but that still should impede people from at least stepping out of their comfort zone. If we were all doing what we "should be doing", wouldn't life get a bit boring? And how do you know that's what you "should be doing"? I mean, there are plenty of white girls out there that are probably closet hip hop dancers but don't want to say anything because it's not what they "should be doing". In my opinion we should step away from that and start doing what we want to be doing.
Alex S. -
"What people say means nothing to me if it doesn’t improve me in someway."
I completely agree with this! I try to follow it as much as possible as well. I think that people should only care about what other people say if following that would improve them as a person. If someone is leading a group and the group is always talking about a certain flaw the leader has, then maybe it's a clue that the leader has to fix this flaw and that will improve him as a leader. But then again, there's also differentiating between what will improve you and what is actually just made up. Most of the time I can't really tell. It's a difficult thing, which comments to take seriously and which packs to follow.
To everyone -
After thinking about it, and this might be deviating a bit too far from the original topic, but do you think it's easier for certain groups, (guys, girls, jocks, white people, any kind of group) to care less about what other people think? For some reason when reading other people's posts on the blog, the idea that it's easier for guys to not care what other people think kept popping into my head, though I haven't really decided on it yet. Can I have some opinions? Is it easier for Alex, the kid who wears camouflage, than Taylor, the "bubbly white girl", to not care for a reason? Is it because their personality, their clique, standards on women versus men, etc?
By far I prefer simplicity in my life. The less complex things are, the more comfortable I am. Of course what is complicated for me is simple for other people, and vice versa, so while I'm comfortable with say details of world history or finding the direction and magnitude of a moving object, something as simple as meeting someone new or carrying an extended conversation is a trial for me. So, when I start caring about what other people think, it makes things complicated. I have to be careful to satisfy other people with my decisions, I have to do things that are outside of my comfort zone - I stop having a strictly personal life. Living a simple life is selfish, but selfishness isn't always a bad thing.The worst downside to living this way is that you have to be able to take the strain of judgment. If you don't care what people think, you have to be able to take some harsh criticism and still not care about the consequences.
ReplyDeleteThis works in theory, but it's hard for the average person to be happy living alone, even when in company. I would know: I've once tried not to see what I was missing by isolating myself. So why do we elicit happiness from association with other people, when it can be so strenuous and even cause sorrow? There is a risk involved in human contact. There is a lot to gain from it: friends will do a lot for friends. But at the same time, there is great risk. How do you know that someone is a true friend? It's too easy to betray someone, there is no real contract made in friendship. But it's the pursuit of true friendship that makes it worth the while. When you manage to find a true friend, it completely outweighs the pain of the pursuit.
But you can't maintain friendship without caring what people think. That's the bottom line, even though this seems a bit off-topic. If you don't care, if you are unresponsive, friendship will wither and die. It takes two to make friendship work. That's why we care what people think: the opinions people have of us determine whether they are friend or foe. And if we want to make a person a friend or a foe, we will act a certain way to produce a reaction that pulls together or pushes two people apart. It's a careful science of creating opinions. And most people want to make friends, so they have to act accordingly to make friends, right? After all, it's hard to live alone.
ReplyDeleteOf course I care what other people think and everyone else, especially in high school, probably does, too. The reason I care is because if I didn't, my life would be completely different. If I wore my pajamas to school every single day and didn't ever do my hair, I would have no friends. If I stood up on the cafeteria table and said whatever was on my mind that day, I would also have no life. Nobody would want to be friends with the weird girl and friends are something that I count on most these days. I couldn't live without them.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to care because if we didn't some things in life wouldn't be as good. We might not get that one date, meet that one close friend, or do well on that one test. Trust me, if I didn't care what my dad and teachers thought, I wouldn't try so hard in school. Without caring, nobody would try as hard at the things they do. People wouldn't get up an extra hour early to do their hair, make-up, and pick out a nice outfit. Also, they wouldn't worry about studying or homework because they could care less that someone else thinks they're stupid. Sometimes if we care what other people think, we will achieve greater things. Because I've always cared what my parents thought of me, I stayed away from the wrong crowds and did well in school. And because I care what my coach thinks of me as an athlete, I work out outside of practice and stay away from anything that can side-track me from doing well. Of course I do all these things for myself, but I also do them because of the fact that I want to impress people. They influence me to do better and they make me nervous to do the wrong thing. This is good, and without me caring what other people though, I'd most likely be a lazy slacker who never did any school work.
The people who I care what they think about me have a great influence on the things I do. One time last year I almost went out with this boy, but because a few people who meant a lot to me didn't like him, I for some reason stopped liking him, too. I shouldn't have cared, but I did. And honestly it's a good thing I did care because looking back, he's definitely the wrong type. He's annoying, disrespectful, and rude. Thanks to me caring, I didn't go out with him and become more like him. I stayed away from him and his type and became a better person.
Also, around the end of summer, I had to change a lot of things. At the beginning of the summer I did things that my dad wouldn't have liked if he found out and neither would a lot of adults. Towards the end of summer, my coach found out about what a group of us did on the team and he got very upset with us. He told us how he thinks of us as daughters, and as a “father” he was extremely upset to hear about what we've done. Since I care so much of what he thinks about me, I started doing the right thing.
Sometimes it's a bad thing to care TOO much of what other people think, but most of the time, well so far for me, it's been a good thing. It's changed me for the better and it's been keeping me on the right track.
Taylor- I agree with you with the whole like you'd do crazy things all day if you didn't care what people thought. If I didn't care, I'd wear sweatpants every day. And you're right that everyone does care what people think. Obviously they have to care because I think it's human nature.
ReplyDeleteLucas- I think you're right about quiet people being more respected than loud, out going people to a certain extent. The obnoxious rude type never really are respected or even listened to because people try to zone them out. Quieter people, not exactly people who don't ever talk but people who know when to shut their mouths, usually are listened to more when they do speak. I agree with you a lot there.
ReplyDeleteSarah Chamb- I couldn't agree more with your first paragraph! I usually go through a lot of outfits the night before, pick one, and then wake up and change it again. Of course an outfit makes a day (unless we have to wear our uniforms to school, which I don't mind). Because we all care so much of what people think, a compliment can mean the world. If I'm wearing a nice outfit, I'll be more friendly and outgoing that day. But if I'm wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt I usually will hide myself a little too.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI would love to be able to say, “I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” and mean it with every fiber in my body. However, if I said that, I’d be lying. Reality is that I do care what people think about me. I want to be accepted and I want to be liked.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, due to the need to fit in, I fall to peer pressure. I do know how to say no, and I definitely exercise my ability to do so in certain situations. However, at times when I’m on the fence on deciding what to do in a certain situation, I definitely fall to peer pressure. I give in because I want to be liked and fit in. I care what the people around me think about me and I want them to think positively about me. If someone had negative thoughts towards me, they wouldn’t feel bad spreading rumors and starting drama. I hate rumors and I hate drama. Therefore, making sure other people think about me in a good light is very important to me. I would like to maintain the best reputation that I possibly can and being sure that others think positively about me is one step towards this goal.
Why do I get up at 5:45 each morning so I have time to take a shower, do my makeup and get dressed nicely? I could easily wake up an hour later and still make it to school on time. I do this because I care what others think about me. The typical reaction to this is statement is well, if people decide who to talk to and if they like someone or not based on appearance, you wouldn’t want them to be your friend anyway, right? Wrong. If we followed this philosophy, especially in high school, you’d have no friends. The fact is that people judge everyone they see immediately. It’s human nature. When people see me for the first time, I want them to get good vibes. I want to come off as a likeable person. By following society’s stereotype of the outgoing, nicely dressed, cheerful girl, I think it will allow me to be liked by more people.
In the end, we all ask why? Why do we act like this? Well, my answer to that is because we have to. To make it anywhere in the world today, you have to be liked. If a future employer doesn’t like you, well they won’t be a future employer. It matters what others think about you if you want to get somewhere in life. You need a positive reputation and if you have that “I don’t care” attitude, you’re not going to get far. In response to this, some people may ask, well what about the troublemakers? The people who are proudly unemployed and in debt? Deep down, they care. There’s someone in their life that matters and they definitely care what that person thinks about them. Even if they won’t admit it, I can guarantee you that there’s at least that one person. Everyone cares what others think about them. When you find someone who doesn’t, let me know.
Lucas: I can completely relate to what you were saying about when you catch yourself using phrases that close friends say. When visiting my cousins in Florida for extended periods of time, I sometimes catch myself saying y’all. Weird right? Me saying y’all? That’s so not me so I completely understand when you said that it scares you how much others really have an impact on you.
ReplyDeleteTaylor: Your blog made me giggle. I love how you talked about just busting out in song and dance and wearing zombie makeup. It sounds crazy, but I’m sure there are people who would love to do that everyday of their lives (like you, singing and dancing). But it’s true that they care what others think about them, which is exactly what’s holding them back.
Kristen: “Everyone is going to ridicule you and look down upon you. Your self esteem will drop, and you won’t feel happy. That is why we care so much.” You put it so bluntly, but I don’t think I could say it any better. Most girls don’t like to do their hair. I know I find it to be a hassle a lot of times, but I still do it because I care what people think about me and I don’t want them to think of a big orange ball of frizz when my name is brought up.
Everyone cares about what other people think, to an extent. Caring about what other people think always gets a bad reputation, but it isn't all of the time. I don't go out of my way to impress people, but I usually make sure I look pretty decent when walking out the door in the morning. When I create something that other people are going to see (like this blog post) I try to make it something I would be proud of. Other times I care about what people think of me for bad reasons. Sometimes I'm afraid of saying something around others that I might be judged for, and most of the time its not even something controversial (if you know me you know I don't mind a little controversy). I'm afraid to talk because of stupid reasons like the way my voice sounds or how I look when I speak. I know I shouldn't care about it, but I do.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, we all have this problem. For some people its not speaking in front of others, but its worrying about whether or not people like you (I'm guilty of that too) or worrying about whether of not the people around you agree with your beliefs. This all stems from the human instinct of conformity. We naturally want to be like everyone else because it makes us feel comfortable. We don't normally think about it, but comfort is a huge thing for us. How many times have you avoided someone because it was "awkward?" Or when you lied about something you believed in because you didn't want to feel out of place? We are always striving for comfort, doesn't anyone besides me get tired of it? Think of all the energy we use worrying about what others think and trying to avoid situations that might make us uncomfortable. We have to get used to stepping out of our comfort zones, because even if it doesn't feel right at first it will be worth it in the end.
Everyone has problems with caring about what others think. We have to learn that we should never stand down because we are worried about how it will be perceived. I know I do it, but its not something I'm proud of. We shouldn't be ashamed of who we are. Be who you want to be. Follow your inner nature. If you are doing what you feel is right you shouldn't let what everyone else thinks change you.
Kaitlin H:
ReplyDelete"I would love to be able to say, “I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” and mean it with every fiber in my body."
This is a little bit like what I was saying. We put so much effort into trying to be liked and trying to impress everyone. I wish I could not care, because that would relieve so much stress, but we can't. Its impossible to totally not care about what other people think.
Sarah C:
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you on the fashion industry. I mean of course its going to be superficial and materialistic (I hate materialism to begin with), its fashion, but all the incredibly unhealthy and mean qualities of the industry make me sick to my stomach. I see the need for the fashion industry, I mean we need clothes, but still. I also love how you refuse to talk about other people or make fun of them, that is such a great quality!
Oh and you're always perfect, so there's no need to stress out about how you look so much. ;)
Tay P
ReplyDeleteLet me start off by saying you are incredibly cute.
Anyway I agree that we are all concerned with what everyone thinks of us, but do you think that's a good thing? You said other people's opinions keep us normal, but should we be normal if that's not what we're meant to be? If somebody acts like something they're not just for the sake of being normal they're just lying to everyone around them.
Hannah Banana:
ReplyDelete“Trust me, if I didn't care what my dad and teachers thought, I wouldn't try so hard in school. Without caring, nobody would try as hard at the things they do. People wouldn't get up an extra hour early to do their hair, make-up, and pick out a nice outfit.”
When you put it in this light, you’re right. Sometimes caring what your parents and teachers think can push you in the right direction, make you work hard and better yourself. I know if I didn’t care so much about what my parents, peers and myself thought I certainly wouldn’t work so hard. About the second part, also true. If no one cared, everyone would be ugly. That’s just not cute! Not to sound mean or anything, but caring what others think certainly makes this world a prettier place.
Kaitlin:
ReplyDelete“I give in because I want to be liked and fit in. I care what the people around me think about me and I want them to think positively about me. If someone had negative thoughts towards me, they wouldn’t feel bad spreading rumors and starting drama.”
I agree 100%. We all know rumors never let go, we still remember something odd about people from Hess times. No one wants to be disliked, we all just want people to like us and we go to the ends of the Earth to make sure that happens. So we have to fit in and I mean you already got the whole ginger thing working against you so… =p.
I care about what people think, I do. I really do. So what I do is I give them something to think or say about me. What the hell, they’re going to do it anyway. So why don’t we do it damn justice and do it proud? If they’re going to say something then have them think fabulously of you so that they know that you’re someone to be reckoned with. Honestly, why would you ever want someone to think badly about you? I don’t think anyone does at all. That’s what we seek for in life, we seek for approval from our peers, our family, and most of all, ourselves.
ReplyDeleteFor those with the badass attitude of saying that I don’t care about what people think of me, I don’t believe all of you. Caring about what other’s perceive you as is human nature, you may not care about what you do or what you look like, but you certainly care about how people see you. Think about it really. What if some random stranger comes up to you and said, “You look ugly. You’re the worst looking human on this soil and you look like a piece of dead carcass that I ran over on Route 50. What the hell were you thinking?” So, would you care that a person just told you that? I sure as hell would. I probably wouldn’t show my face in public until I make damn sure that I prove that bitch wrong and show that person that I’m better than what he or she said. I’m better. If they see it, then I’ll be satisfied.
What people say about you or think about you has a major impact on the decisions a person makes in life. It just matters on the reaction that you give it. If a person tells you that you can’t succeed in life and that you’re doomed for failure and you believe and run by it, then you’ll be in that path of failure. But if you smack that person right in the face, metaphorically of course, and show them that you are NOT a failure. Then there you go, you’ve just done something better for yourself and your confidence got a boost by proving yourself to someone who doubted you.
People’s approval and expectations can do so much for our life. If we don’t set the bar high for ourselves, then we have to count on others to test us, to prove to the world that we can all be successful. Perceptions and expectations, whether they be positive or negative, are fuel to the flame of life. We use them as rocks on the ledge that we can jump off of in order to conquer life. It’s so important to think about this because without all of it, we would have no fire. We would have an aimless life of just floating around and not caring. Now that’s asinine.
PART 1
ReplyDeleteI say that all the time, and I make it known that I live by that statement when I say it. I wish I believed it, I wish I didn’t care. Honestly, I care what almost everyone I see thinks of me. I care what people who I don’t even see anymore think of me. That random person walking past me in the hallway, you can be damn sure that I’m self conscious until they’re no longer in my sight. I play it off; I have actually mastered the art of playing it cool and confident. I know Eminem doesn’t care what anyone thinks, but I know it took a lot to make him that way.
I know in every single decision I make nowadays is based off of what I think a few certain people would think. Sure I do what I want, I’m Kristie Aaron and I just do, but I know that from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep I wonder what these people would think if I did this, or if I did that. It drives me absolutely insane and I hate every minute of it. Not everyone impacts my decisions, I mean I could honestly careless what some people think, what most, of the choices I make in my life. But when those few do, they do on every single decision.
PART 2
ReplyDeletePersonally, I care because of that four letter word: hope. I hope on every decision it sparks something in their eyes and they see me differently, better and it makes them happy. Their opinions are so important to me because I have made it a point to care for only their happiness. The expectations that I am held have such an influence on who I am because I hope that one day it fixes every mistake I’ve seemed to fall down and make.
The challenge here was being honest with myself. I don’t want anyone to know who has such power over me that they have any influence at all on the decisions in my life but I guess I need to admit it. I want to be able to say I don’t care what people think about me but I am constantly finding myself holding back urges to scream at the stupid freshman that demand pushing through the hallways because I don’t want to be seen as the “bitch that I went to high school with” or the girl no one liked. I don’t want to be seen as the girl that couldn’t make her own decisions or the girl that just sucks at life. I want to stop them from influencing me so much but I know that I wouldn’t be me in a way. Well here I go, wondering if even this paper will change how they see me.
Sarah Chamberlain,
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for the fact that you don't make fun or criticize people for their image. I find myself going back on stuff like that everytime I do it. I know I judge, but only on outter appearance. I would never think of anyone's inner personality on the basis of their outfit. I think though that me going into the fashion industry and being in that mind set makes me judge someone but only to critique it in a way to try and solve onto how a person can build themselves better. I wouldn't like to completely but the blame on that, but I definitely think it's a reason.
Kaitlin Hare,
ReplyDeleteI love you and agree on you for the most part. I think it's true that if people like employers don't like you and you don't care about it, then you wouldn't really get that far. Seriously, where in life would you get if you did not even think about how a person perceives your appearance or your personality? I know for a fact that my manager fell in love with me and hired me because of the fact that I was presentable and I had a smile that reflected my light personality.
JV - Your blog would have the word 'fabulous' somewhere in it. Anyway, I agree with you, people will always say whatever they feel whenever they feel on whoever they feel necessary. Look at our lunch table, we do it almost every day without meaning to, does that jusitify the possibility that we're the Mean Girls/Boy? Returning to the actual topic, I like where your headed and only one word comes to mind.. Fierce.
ReplyDeleteStephen W - I miss you! Anyway, I want to comment on the part where you talked about why your afraid of speaking in public. You, honestly, are the nicest person I have ever met and you are the last person I could ever find something wrong with. Sure, you may talk funny or look funny, but I sure as hell talk funny and look funny too! You say we all have this problem, this insecruity and I believe it to the fullest. I'm not sure if this hells you personally, but if I were you, I wouldn't mind a thing. You're one person I can say "Don't change" to and mean it with every inch I've got.
Stephanie - I was actually looking forward to reading and commenting on yours :). I want to comment on the Chess Club part. Okay so anyone here may think I'm kidding or just saying this to say it, but I wish I could play chess. Sure it's known for really smart people being in it but hey, you're really smart for being in it! I tried playing chess on the computer this morning and I lost 10 out of 10 tries, it really takes some brain work! But one thing I'm trying to get through is that people always judge other people on everything they do so live it up, do what makes you happy and for those that never let you live it down, taunt them with your chess skills!
Stephen,
ReplyDeleteThank you for giving the human instinct that I was trying to define: conformity. But I have to say that I definitely am getting tired of having to impress people. But the way I look at it is that it's a challenge, and sometimes it can be fun, because beating that challenge and winning reaps rewards from others. Compliments, as Sarah, said before are always welcomed in my book.
Kristie,
ReplyDeleteI really am surprise that I wrote almost five hundred words without using the word "Diva" or "Fierce." That's pretty good for me, so I definitely had to compensate by using fabulous. But I do agree, sometimes we get a little out of hand with it, but seriously, who doesn't?
Alex Showell,
ReplyDeleteI think that you're the one person that is the contradiction to all the things that I've preached about. You're the Scotch-Korean or the Starburst in my arguement. But you know what, I wish that I had your strength to be able to do that. I've seen some of the things that you've conjured up, and I always think to myself that I would not have enough courage to do that and to see that you don't let it affect you says so much about your character. So, kudos to you Alex. Bravo.
Part 1
ReplyDeleteWe all care about what other people think, whether we like to admit it or not. I’ll admit it, I care! However, some people care way too much! I think it is human nature to want to be accepted. We weren’t meant to live alone, and to live with someone else that someone has to accept you. I feel a million different kinds of pressure everyday. I get pressure from my parents to excel, from my teachers to be the best I can be, and from my self to stay somewhat on top. I feel peer pressure, however I don’t thing the peer pressure amounts to the self-imposed pressure I feel.
In our society you are judged by so many different things; you’re clothes, friends, money status, academic ability, athletic ability, looks, personality, and so much more. After society judges you they distinguish which category you belong in, whether it be nerd, jock, emo, band kid, etc… We all have our own idea of what category or clique we want to be a part of. When society’s view of us and our self-view does not match, that’s when pressure comes in. The pressure we feel every day, no matter who it’s coming from, is pressure to change. To become something we’re not, whether it be pressure from our parents to be better students or from our so-called ‘friends’ to do marijuana in the bathroom.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteI hate to admit it, but I think in a way caring about what other people think is a good thing. Society needs to have different levels and types of people. If everyone was the same no one would have anything to shoot for and life would be very dull and depressing. The way we handle the pressure that we receive and decide what pressure we should act on and what we should ignore, is what makes us who we are.
There are a very few amount of people in this world who truly don’t care what others think. These people are usually super geniuses who see themselves as far to inferior to care about what us average thinking people think of them. The other type of people who really may be telling the truth when they claim they don’t care what people think of them are people who feel they have failed. If a person at some point in his or her life receives too much pressure, and quits on life, than that persons might truly not care what others think of them any more.
Shmayvee (JV)
ReplyDelete“What if some random stranger comes up to you and said, “You look ugly. You’re the worst looking human on this soil and you look like a piece of dead carcass that I ran over on Route 50. What the hell were you thinking?””
So this made me think of something. Story time: I’m in the Laureldale Acres of Terror haunted walk thing. I wear zombie/dead people make up with fake blood all over and tattered clothes and scream my guts out. Needless to say, it sparks a lot of comments. I’ve had people walk up to me and say “Your ugly!” and others are like, “Awh, she’s a pretty dead girl.” I wish I could not care what they were saying, and even though I do look a tad weird, it still hurts.
Alex: "I change some due to peer pressure but not very much."
ReplyDeletePeer pressure is probably the number one thing that nobody should live by, so I applaud you for resisting it. The mob mentality is an antiquated reflex, and should be put in its place. We are living in an age in which we don't need to follow the pack to survive, so we should make our own educated decisions.
Taylor you are adorable ! I agree that we all want to fit in and even though some may not show it we all care about what others think.
ReplyDeleteS- Wright
ReplyDelete"Anyway I agree that we are all concerned with what everyone thinks of us, but do you think that's a good thing? You said other people's opinions keep us normal, but should we be normal if that's not what we're meant to be?"
It can be a good thing. It all depends who the opinions are from. Others opinions can make you work harder to do good in school and they can also make people cut themselves. So it's really in context whether what people think is good or bad.
As for the normalcy, also in context, can be good or bad. Yes, it keeps you in a box, but it also keeps you from acting out and doing things you could come to regret.
Jessie! : Don't you just love those reassuring moments when your confidence gets towards E!! Thats the positive side to caring what people think. Its rather ironic how people, myself included, set up a defense of "I don't care" and are so focused on not letting people bring us down that we get pleasantly caught off guard when they lift us up. I guess its a good thing either way.
ReplyDeleteAlexis B:
ReplyDeleteNo. That isn't what I meant. Outgoing people are fine. It's just that in my particular case, it was better to be quiet than loud, because when I was loud, bad things happened. I was speaking on a personal level. Sorry for the confusion.
Sarah C. – “Even when my friends talk about someone behind their back I just sit there, don’t participate, and worry about what they say about me when I’m not there.” It is sometimes funny when people are perceived the wrong way and within a minute later even their best friends are talking about them. I know almost every girl stresses about what to wear to school. Honestly, by the next week no one remembers what anyone wears. I am guilty of being pulled into this wave of ‘what has to be worn’ or ‘what is in style.’ With your Phillies retro jacket yesterday and your very comfortable AE hoodie that you wore today, you seem to be right on top of your style. You look fine every day, don’t stress!
ReplyDeleteLucas
ReplyDeleteI love when you say that you are a sponge. That is such a true statement. We all copy things we see people who we perceive as cool doing. The more we hear something the more likely we are to repeat it. I guess if you really think about it in a way we are all just products of a mixture of the people who have come before us.
Alex Showell
“What people say means nothing to me if it doesn’t improve me in someway.”
That is such a brave statement. I wish I could be as carefree as you. I can’t even imagine how much of a better place the world would be if people only heard the constructive criticisms people gave them, and not all the mean things people say. A world without bullying, but still with judge meant would be almost perfect.
Hannah
“Sometimes if we care what other people think, we will achieve greater things.”
I think this statement is so true. Without pressure there would be no ambition. If no one cared what you did, there would be no incentive to do well. Without ambition our world would be a very dark savage like place, and most of us probably wouldn’t survive. I agree with you that to an extent we need to care what others think of us.
Shmaylor (Taylor),
ReplyDeleteSee, it does affect you! But listen sweety, the only reason that someone probably said something like that was because of the whole scenario of the place. I mean, I know when I'm terrified and almost close to peeing in my pants, I yell out hurtful things to whatever I find scary. So, I definitely don't think that the "You're ugly" was meant to hurt you, it was meant to douse their fright. Besides, you're gorgeous. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Alexxxxxx Showell: Hi! Okay so I admire your ability to shrug off what people say about you. I'm quite jealous honestly. I would LOVE to wear all camo one day...even though I only have a camo shirt...but regardless, I think people bcome far too boring when they care. If everyone could not care, or just care a little less, school would be much more intersting.
ReplyDeleteTo start off, everybody was raised by influence that helped them become who they are. These influences come from the environment a person resides and what they‘re exposed to. For instance, a kid who dwells in Philly where crime rate is increasing in the city and goes to a low ranking high school is likely to not be so successful than a kid who lives in Mays Landing and goes to Oakcrest. ( Not saying Mays Landing is better than Philly… just example)However there is a possibility that the kid from Philly can be successful. He was exposed to something that influenced him to move to a right path where the former (Philly) was influenced to move towards the wrong path in society.
ReplyDeleteMy environment is in Mays Landing. It’s a nice town because not many people die and it’s pretty calm compared to other cities. I’ve been raised by strict Indian parents, both a mom and dad, that influenced me to ’stay good’ by showing them A’s on my report cards, and going to the temple every Sunday, and practically obeying everything they say. Their pressure has become my motive to do well in those areas, particularly school. I want to succeed in school with flying colors and become better than them when they were younger with the opportunities I have here. They want this and have set this in my mind, it was their influence that characterized a whole lot of me. And since they influenced me, I care a lot to what they say because I don’t want to disappoint them.
Then I have my friends and I also care what they say about me. Friends help you on whatever and keep you from being lonely. They can range from family members, teachers, coaches, to another student from the other end of the world! They influence me to become better than my capabilities and that’s what my friends do. However if a friend, talks about me, behind my back then I would care. I’d care so much to the point where I won’t care. I’ll care at first because obviously I would want to confront to that person and if the friendship doesn’t seem to work out then I won’t care anymore.
Say if a random person comments on how badly I look, then at first I’ll care. That’s just the fragile person I am. Later, I’ll convince myself that I don’t care and I’ll usually end up forgetting. Why should I let the words of somebody I don’t know let me down? If I were to care what everybody thought then I’d be literally living on pointless expectations. Let’s face it, somebody will disapprove. And so should I care about that one person or more that think negatively about me? No, I’ve realized that if I do then that is wasting time.
So, yeah I do care about what people say but only those that care about me. As altruistic as I am about the world, I know there are people who just like to hate or maybe they’ll have their reasons. I’ll understand, I guess. We are all shaped by these influences because we all care about what people think of us, we have to fit in somewhere. It’s all in the process of belonging and growing up. It’s whether we know when to care what other people think.
As I read some of these blogs, it’s apparent most of us attach negative connotations to the phrase “care what others think.” I don’t believe it’s a bad thing though. I mean, of course, if someone bases every decision of their life on the opinion of others, then that’s a problem. If someone needs to know how others draw an arbitrary longitude of right against a latitude of wrong in exact minutes, degrees and seconds in order to choose how to live the next moment, then that is debilitating. But short of those extremes, I’d rather know someone who valued others opinions than someone who didn’t listen to anyone but him/herself.
ReplyDeleteCaring-- even the word is sweet. I believe it’s in fundamental human condition that we care for others. Every human longs to be loved and valued, to have purpose and people believe in him/her. In return, we need to know how others view us to a certain extent so that we may continue on our quest to fit in and be loved. I want to be loved by my mother, so, based on her perceptions and opinions, I do what I can to make her proud of me. And I love her back. It’s not rocket science, it’s not the cattiness of high school, it’s just simply something that innately connects us as humans.
But it’s always easy to make a generalization than apply it to yourself. When it comes to me, Kale Nagasaki, opinion is a little harder to pinpoint. For the vast majority of people, I take in and respect all compliments and praises, but any insult or gossip doesn’t mess up my sleeping hours. But there are the very few whom I love with all of my heart. The few that I always hope think highly of me so that that love can be returned. With them, my consciousness of self kicks in, and I try to put the best me forward. It’s kind of like when a friend is upset with me. I can’t concentrate, I can’t breathe. The evenings are calm but I’m restless. I care. I do. And I won’t feel okay again until I know that person loves me again.
For some reason, I feel like the question was short and thus my answer was laconic and too brief. Nonetheless, it’s just like Dr. Suess said! “Be who you are and say what you feel. The ones that mind don’t matter, and the ones that matter don’t mind.”
Kristie-
ReplyDelete“That random person walking past me in the hallway, you can be damn sure that I’m self conscious until they’re no longer in my sight.” I know EXACTLY what you mean here! I especially hate walking through the hallway alone and then a random person come walking in your direction. I always hate to meet eyes with them because I don’t know them. It’s always awkward and I end up trying to act busy with my hands, even though I’m not really doing anything. As stupid as it sounds, I care what that random person thinks of me, only on a small level though. Even though they don’t know me, I’m irked by the fact that someone in this school thinks I’m weird even for a second if our eyes meet. And if anything, this blog makes people see you in a better way because usually, if people don’t tend to know that much about a person, they tend to dislike them or follow what other people think. But this blog lets us into your mind and we all see you in a better light. =)
JV-
I love the way you react to the way people think about you. I always wanted to think this way, but it’s extremely tough and throughout my high school years, I’ve tried more and more to be this way. Every person who thinks of me in a negative way, I just want to smack them and prove them wrong, but two years ago, I never would have done it. It didn’t have the confidence to do it. Thankfully, I’m tons more confident now and I believe in myself. I definitely do NOT want to fail. It just seems like confidence is the key to a successful life. =)
Kristie A. – In the hallway I do the same exact thing. If I hear someone laughing I am always afraid it is about me. Ninety percent of the time it is not but there is always that doubt that it could be. I thought the part when you said “I don’t want anyone to know who has such power over me that they have any influence at all on the decisions in my life but I guess I need to admit it,” relates to my life too. No one ever wants to know that their decisions are overlooked at persuaded by someone but the fact is they normally are. I agreed with your blog and the idea of hope playing into influence.
ReplyDeleteJessie: "If I came to school and every day and mocked you [...] I might, perhaps, slowly peel away the layers of your confidence."
ReplyDeleteYou can only drive a person so low. Eventually, you just stop caring completely, about anything anyone has to say. I still have a problem with accepting that people are going to be honestly polite or even kind to me, because of how low I've been driven before, even though I'm not there anymore. Words just lose their meaning, which can be good or bad, depending on your point of view. If you want those special three words to mean nothing, so be it. It's your funeral. But at the same time, the word 'freak' loses its meaning too.
Alex: "do you think it's easier for certain groups, (guys, girls, jocks, white people, any kind of group) to care less about what other people think?"
ReplyDeleteI think that how likely you are to care determines what you you might end up in. The girls who really care about what people say about their appearance in particular are far more likely to end up with a group of divas than a girl who doesn't care as much.
Hannah: " If I wore my pajamas to school every single day and didn't ever do my hair, I would have no friends."
ReplyDeleteHow do you know that? You might just have different friends, and a different life if you think that the social life is your only life. And think of it this way: if everyone did whatever they felt reflected who they are, you might even have the same friends, just a different version of them.
To Alex N:
ReplyDeleteI agree about the part where you say, ‘how we handle pressure, makes up who we are’ (something like that). There may be one situation many have been through but not all took the same way out. How we handle certain problems, from social aspects to life in general, is because of who we are. However I disagree at the end (sorry didn’t feel like writing it all down ). There are people that truly don’t care but it won’t be because they think they’re inferior or think they have failed. I feel as if people care but they move on… and learn to not let what anybody think of them bother them. (Well that’s what I believe)
It's funny, I'm reading this and listening to my record of Pink Floyd, and on the song Hey You these lyrics come up:
ReplyDelete"Hey you,
out there on the road,
always doing what you're told,
can you help me?
Hey you,
Out there beyond the wall,
Breaking bottles in the hall,
Can you help me?
Don't tell me there's no hope at all
United we stand, divided we fall"
How true is it that unity gives us hope? That being part of the pack makes you feel strong, maybe even makes it easy for you to make decisions- everyone else makes them for you.
JV: I would smack that person literally in the face! But all kidding aside, I agree with you. I don’t agree to the extent you take it, because other’s opinions seem to mean more to you than to me, but the point is they still matter to everyone to some varying degree. You’re absolutely right that other’s perceptions and expectations set your standards. I remember when I used to do track, I didn’t sign up to run the 400 m. race. I never liked it, I didn’t care. Then my mom told me I should do it. I said no. So she didn’t talk to me and ignored me to the point where I cried and signed up for the race. I ran it. The race didn’t matter, I just wanted to make my mother proud. And by running that race, I made myself a better person. So yes. You’re right. As usual. :]
ReplyDeleteKristie: Kristie? Hm? Oh! You mean that amazing, talented beautiful girl I went to high school with? :] I love the honesty you put into your blog and it must be extremely hard to care as much as you do. I don’t think it makes you a bad person though. Despite the fact you make your decisions on the hopes of making others happy, you don’t lose yourself in the process. You’re still Kristie Aaron. So, I think that makes you stronger than people who don’t care about others nearly at all. You have a wider heart so to say, which means you’ll be able to impact more people in a more significant way. That’s really good Kristie.
Hannah: I agree. Lack of caring eventually almost ultimately equals lack of motivation and quality of life. Now, I don’t think I can say I care to the extent you do: I rarely take time to do my hair, I never wear make-up, and clothes are pretty meaningless to me. However, when it comes to people that are important to you, it motivates. And the thing is, people you care about more than likely care about you, so their opinions are in the best interest, just like your example with the boy. I’m going around in circles, but basically I’m saying I completely agree with you Hannah. Good blog!
Robby -- Dark Side of the Moon is the best album ever created!
ReplyDeletePART 1
ReplyDeleteJust today, I was brought upon something that immediately reminded me of this blog. I was telling my fellow cast members of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” to quiet down, urging them to listen to the director. Of course, after a long day, I was completely exhausted and frustrated. Three or four of the cast members started to gang up on me backstage. I told Andrew Camper, whom cannot do a British accent for his life, that he needed to work on it. Suddenly, one of the members said to me, “You shouldn’t be talking, Chrissy. You can’t even do a British accent. All you can do is be bossy and act like everyone cares about you. Well, no one cares about you.” The surrounding people busted out giggles. This was so random and unnecessary. I didn’t even comprehend it at first. I simply just laughed it off. I replied to this guy, “I don’t care what you have to say!” I walked off confident and my hand held high, completely ignoring their random insults. A few minutes later, I was struck with emotion. I went up to John- John and JV and ranted. “Am I a horrible actress?” “Am I really that big of a bitch?” I took what he said to heart, and I was basically paranoid being Veruca Salt the rest of the rehearsal.
PART 2
ReplyDeleteI am undeniably conscious of what others say. By nature, I am just a passionate and over-dramatic person, so I cannot help what I am. If someone says something about me, I spin it and make it completely over-exaggerated. Thus, I do care about what other people think. To some extent, I am not ashamed of this. On the other hand, I believe it shows some sort of weakness, or lack of confidence. Revealing that you care is simply showing that you listen to others before you listen to yourself. That is not my intention nor is it what I believe, but I feel people are scared to show true weakness.
My friends will influence me only to a positive extent. If they are peer-pressuring me to do something that I believe is morally wrong, then I just don’t consider them true friends. Brynne and I have been friends since the second grade. Although we have different interests, I believe our personalities reflect off each other’s. I’ve caught her peppiness, and she’s caught my corniness. We watch out for each other, too, making sure we don’t submerge in some sort of serious and dangerous situation. Our relationship is thoroughly mutual, and that is why I believe that we are going to be legitimately best friends forever!
Even though my personality can be considered a blend of my friends and I personas, I still am myself, no matter what anyone says. Being true to you is the most vital trait a person can have in life. However, I believe it is human nature to care about others think. If we all did not give a damn, I’m sure we would all just be Huckleberry Finn and wear a barrel! In my personal opinion, we care because we care about ourselves. Does that make any sense? For example, in the world of musical theatre competition, performers are constantly asking peers how good (or bad) they are. “Is my singing okay?” “Do I dance bad?” Sure, it gets annoying, but we are only trying to improve in our skills.
PART 3
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to answer why people’s judgments are so important to us, but I do know that they are indeed significant. If it were up to me, I do not think they should be. However, going back to human nature, it just is inevitable. It’s the pressure to live up to these “expectations” we believe exist that kill us the most.
Going back to what happened today at drama rehearsal, I’m completely over it. My low self-esteem is what brought me down, and I cannot believe I actually listened to what the sophomore punk had to say. The negative comments people say are only used to boost their self-esteem. They want to feel better about themselves, and thus they insult others. I take it to heart, but I later realize that the negative comments won’t help me in becoming the Broadway star. Only I and the positive influences by my true friends are the forces needed to assist me in achieving my dreams. So, revising the words of dear ‘ol Eminem, I am whatever I say I am, but you influence me.
How we view world is constantly distorted by others influences, most importantly it warps how we view ourselves. Though we may say repeatedly that other people do not affect our outlook on ourselves, we subconsciously make many decisions that are simply reactions to the world standard. I myself have do not really heed the insults or mockery that many seem to put across me. Though I would love to say that no one really gets to me, it would be a lie. I am influenced every day by the pressures of parents, peers, and the pressure of myself. Though I do not make a huge attempt at changing myself, because to be honest it seems stupid to me, I still have lingering thoughts of what people say and subconsciously make changes accordingly. But the question is why, why do we act upon what others say and do? I believe we act in such a way to try to fit in and be recognized as normal. We thrive on the thought of being normal, people noticing your commonness makes you more approachable and more alike the others in the crowd. We try to sand down the rough edges, change ourselves by changing habits, clothes, or verbal communication. It is natural not to want things to be out of place, we are creatures of habit and we try our bests to stick to that; to succumb to the normality of things.
ReplyDeleteI have constantly been bombarded with what I do wrong, and how easy it is to fix it. I do not follow trends and don’t let people change who I am as a person. I find the things I do are now conformed into a habit and I don’t intend on changing. Though I won’t change, I do let what people think about me affect me immensely. I take insults to heart quickly and seem not to take constructive criticism well; it’s actually overwhelming how such little things can affect how I view myself or others. I am very opinionated yet what people say seem to affect my thinking, I often try to understand another side, but it seems that beliefs and self truths aren’t the same as hearing something straight from someone’s mouth. We need solid evidence of things, and finding it out makes us take things immediately to heart without any contemplation of whether or not if it true. We cannot control how we are viewed, but we can ignore the minuscule effect it has on us.
I have always tried to persuade myself into thinking that no one influenced my decisions, that I was Kelsey Cheek was created because of my own decisions. However, lately I have come to the realization that I am who I am because of the people around me. I am Kelsey Cheek because people expect me to be this different person.
ReplyDeleteI am class president, I am a ‘nerd’ in AP classes, and I am an athlete. These are usually the three perceptions I get from the students of Oakcrest High School. Apparently I am ‘perfect.’ I would not be any of these without the influence of my family. My family has pushed me into things I was afraid of trying. When people tell me I am perfect they do not really know who I am. There is more to every person than what can be seen in a six hour school day. Yet, I always still care about what these people have to say. One word about the sweats and no makeup I wore up until this year send me to tears. I was comfortable yes, but now I care way too much about what people think to even wear sweats once a month.
On the hockey field there is a distinct difference between experienced players and ones who barely know what a ball is. The experienced players are decked out in under armor or on hot days just rock the reversible pinny. They have hair that does not budge and the perfectly placed pre-wrap around their head. With the hard shin guards, quality name stick, legit hockey gloves, and shiny new turf cleats you can tell they will run right over you on the field. The first day walking on the field I looked like a foolish little child against these perfectly suited players. At first I did not care to look like them, however, now I am the mirror image of these ‘experienced’ players.
The influence of the people around us is everywhere in everyone’s life. What we wear in the morning, what we say out loud, what we eat for breakfast, they all are influenced by what people think of us. If we didn’t care we would go to school in sweats, speak our minds too much, and eat as much as we wanted. The nation is run on what people think of us, without it, there would be no reason to get up and shower. No reason to even try in live. Living up to someone else’s standards is how we better ourselves. Maybe yearning to not care what people think is setting us up for disaster.
It’s all about the image. I care more about what others think about me than what I think about myself. If my friend thinks the opposite of what I think, I am more likely to go with what she thinks. This is just who I am, maybe by being impacted on what others think is how I get my name. Maybe Kelsey Cheek is just a mixture of my surroundings and I am okay with that.
There are some people, who truly, deep in their heart really believe they don't care what other people do, and I think that's completely ridiculous. The right thing to say is that you don't care as much. I constantly get a barrage of insults from people, but they don't bother me. The ones that do, are the insults that I get from people that do matter- my sister, my friends, former friends, teachers, the band. I try to make decisions about the way I act, what I do, what I say, based on other people's decisions only if they are comments that could only make me better. I got a lot of comments on my loudness in the last couple of years and I've failed to truly tone down, but in places where it counts, (places I have to be professional, in school, performances, in front of authority) I really do tone down. Of course I slip up, but I take criticism from other people and try to improve, there's no harm in that. If it makes you a better person, what's the harm? Other than that, I try to do what I want and be who I want to be. I try to be as honest as possible and hope that my words are taken the right way. I am very, very often not perceived the way I wish to be, but it's me. I'm happy with myself and what I do and how I am. Of course there is always room for improvement, but I think I'm on the right track. People that give in too much to the flow of society should just do what you they and try to be the person they want to be known as and the person they'd like to be seen as, not the person they think they should be because of stereotypes or standards.
ReplyDeleteOf course, different atmospheres call for different attitudes always. In competition, school and performances I'm not as loud or free as I usually am. Around my parents I'm a lot more reserved. Around my friends, I'm a lot more relaxed, more hype. And that's perfectly fine. People can have different sides to them, as long as genuinely them, not at all fake. I think it's because of my parents and being involved in music that makes me the way I am. My parents always tell me to be a bit more relaxed and to be pleasant and having to constantly perform makes me have a professional side. But then again, since there is so much time where I have to be on and serious, I also utilize the time I don't have to be and totally go crazy. I like it. I like having a respectable side and a fun, outgoing side.
People constantly want to fit in and be accepted, no one wants to be an outcast even though it really isn't that bad. If people were just more accepting, or at least willing to try to be, people wouldn't care as much. But sadly, we do care. Everyone wants to be seen as "cool" or "smart", everyone wants to be wanted by people in some form and that causes people to bend to the will of other people's standards. It's unfortunate, but inevitable.
Everybody has to care about what people think about them…to some extent. How much they care and what they care about is completely different for every individual. In my case, I care A LOT about my character and personality. Nothing would hurt more to me than to have someone burst out and say ‘Your personality sucks. In fact, you don’t even have a personality. And your character smells like month old sweaty socks.’ Sure, that sounds childish and silly, but to me that would make my self-esteem want to crawl into the fetal position and hide in a dark cave. I like being the bubbly, good-natured friend that people are comfortable going to. I take pride in it because I know it’s what makes all the relationships I have with various people so much more exciting and unique.
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, I tend to care very little about how people look or dress. I’m not saying that I don’t care at all about how I look, but that’s not the first thing that comes to my mind when I think about this topic. Every morning before school, I pick out an outfit that I’ll be comfortable in and that will also make me look presentable. It doesn’t matter to me if that’s what’s currently ‘in’ or whether I’m in the right season. Heck, I don’t even know what the seasons are! I just wear what I like, and it wouldn’t bother me if that isn’t what everyone else is wearing. Like Sarah C. said [ whom with I’ve had frequent fashion discussions with lately. :P ] it’s nice to receive compliments, but if I didn’t get one for a week straight, my life would still be peachy-keen.
In addition to those, my family seems to have a tremendous effect of how I go about my school career. My father majored in English Literature [ and taught it years ago ], my uncle majored in Mathematics [ and still teaches it ], and one of my cousins majored in Biology [ and then became a dentist…]. Because of this, they all expect me to outdo them all in some way. Before every school year, they come up with a million questions to ask me about what classes I’ll be taking. My dad will push me more towards higher level English classes, my uncle will try to persuade me to double up on math, and my cousin will give me random science lessons on topics I’ve never even heard about. Over the years, this has made me focus mainly on those three subjects in school. It doesn’t really bother me though because I WANT to beat them in some way. I want to pummel all their achievements into the dirt and emerge stronger and better than all of them. I want to become a Science geek that has mastered the English language and who just also happens to be a math genius. Okay, not really, but I just enjoy having the sense of competition between all of us. It’s the force that motivates me in school to try harder and to keep improving.
Overall, I tend to care more about the aspects of myself that I can improve and that will generally make me a better person. I focus on these more because in the long run, I want to grow up to become a well educated, as well as inspiring, individual that has the power to make the people around me shine in a way that’s all their own.
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ReplyDeleteGrowing up I’ve always had a problem with what I thought others thought about me. I mean, seriously–almost to the point of a neurosis. No wait. At times, definitely to the point of neurosis. Maybe with some kind of short term miracle, I tend to forget about these feelings but one thing that I’ve noticed with the outright anxiety, panic, depression, fear, self-flagellation (need I go on?) is that it’s directly proportional to how much I care for the other person involved.
ReplyDeleteI never understood why I felt this need to always belong; I could care less about who accepts me as long as there is somebody. Most of the time I just wanted to make sure people were viewing me in a truthful matter (for good or bad). Now , I’ve come to conclusion that if someone doesn’t accept me for who I am then they aren’t worth my time. So, why should I care?
Even though deep down inside I want to except that most people don’t like me, I still just can’t bring myself to grasp onto the thought. I believe that we all care about what most people think of us because we want people to portray is in the way we intended. A lot of the time personally I believe people don’t actually have a reason to dislike me; those people aggravate me the most. To me it really depends on who is judging and what the situation is. What my family thinks of me is very important but in the end I have to be true to myself.
There are people that you can take to heart and maybe learn more about yourself and change if you see the need. And again there are others you take with a grain of salt and move on. As far as what the situation is, I know that I shouldn’t care about anyone else’s opinion about myself (besides mine) but others negative opinions makes me want to pull my hair out. All we can do is take in what others have to say and learn from it. I simply LISTEN to discover my flaws - not to be perfect but it's good to know your own strengths and weaknesses. Do I care? Well after determining whether they hold any truth and affect significant others in a negative way, I work towards correction. If it's a load of rubbish especially from people I don't even know and who don't know me. I assume that we all let what others think about us affect us so drastically because we want to be like. It’s that simple.
Overall, I believe that If we disassociate others’ approval and disapproval, what’s to stop us from becoming antisocial and acting in ways detrimental to others? I would hope each person has an internal moral or ethical compass to measure the appropriateness of their actions. Direct and indirect approval and disapproval of others’ actions is how our society keeps from turning into a chaotic anarchy. If I don’t feel attached to the approval of or disapproval of my actions, I am likely to become a sociopath. I think we need to care less about superficial opinions of others (like what we wear, what music we may listen to, etc), but we must keep an eye on the more meaningful opinions others may hold (be they right or wrong) about our actions and motivations.
Do I honestly care what other people think of me? My immediate answer is definitely not, but in reality, maybe. We all try to do certain things to influence certain people at some time or another. You need to adapt to certain people, if not, you would go around being hated by everyone. You can’t act like a total fool in front of your teacher, you can’t act completely disciplined in front of your friends. People act different around certain people, allowing the certain person’s perception of them change the very way they behave. So, in that way, everyone cares what people think about them to some extent. People care what others think of them, and if they say they don’t then they simply don’t realize that they do. It is an inevitable human characteristic to try to impress people or act a certain way to portray certain uniqueness.
ReplyDeleteOther people’s perceptions of us do have an impact on the things we do, as described in the above paragraph. However, this influence varies from person to person. One person may claim they do not care what people think and ineptly care, not openly admitting it or showing it. And on the other hand, some people strive on social interaction and being popular and well liked by everyone. These two polar opposites both experience the same feeling, but at very different levels. From acting a certain way in front of certain people to the little things you do to impress different people; everyone cares what other people think. People’s perception of us defines who we are. Thinking a certain way and doing things a certain way is fine and dandy, but how people perceive these actions defines you from a social standpoint, and that’s the question of this blog isn’t it? What people think of you is entirely a social aspect of one’s being and not associated with who you actually are.
Why do we care what people think? I don’t know, I think it is an inbred characteristic. People are constantly trying to better themselves and most of the time doing so by showing other people. If the first person ever to invent the cure to cancer is holed up in their laboratory and never shares it with the world, what would be the point of even finding the cure? Life is meant to be shared with others, and by doing so, you are subject to their influences and opinions. Also, people’s opinions of you are very important in finding out exactly who you are and just what you stand for. No matter if its someone’s deep-seated hatred or a tender lover’s care and affection, people opinions of us help display to ourselves just who we are and how we actually act, which is sometimes different than how we perceive ourselves. It’s not necessarily important how other people think of us, but is a key factor in determining yourself, whether that be fitting in or expressing yourself in a brand new, unique way.
So, when it comes down to it, people will be whoever they want to be. Sure, other’s will influence them, but in the end, they will be their own unique person. People choose their outcomes, they choose their actions, they determine who they are, no one else. In the oh so wise words of the great Cartman, “Whatever! I can do what I want!”. People truly are their own masters, this is snot to say that others have no influence and to some extent control over them, but that they are the final say in who they are.
Alex N.- I agreed with all of your blog except one point. When you said “These people are usually super geniuses who see themselves as far to inferior to care about what us average thinking people think of them.” What about the people who grow up homeless and alone? Who do they have to influence them. Certain people in unique situations do not care what people think because if they did, they would not survive. However, different levels of society is a great thing and our world would be very boring without them.
ReplyDeletePART 1:
ReplyDeleteI would be lying to myself and you if I didn’t say I care what people think. You would be lying to yourself if you sat here and said you didn’t care what people think. We’re in high school people! It is life to care and to even judge other people. It is horrible, but life, and without caring what people thought, we would all be going around doing whatever we wanted and maybe looking like fools.
I care about what people think sometimes too much. I stay up later than I need too so I can do my hair and pick out and outfit. I even hold back on a cute outfit, because it is something I don’t normally wear and I don’t want to look like something I am not. If I did not care I would look like a slob (I mean sometimes I will bum) but I probably wouldn’t have a boyfriend, I wouldn’t be happy with my appearance, I would just be the way I am.
It isn’t just the material things that show I care too much. One time during a soccer game last year, it was at night and everyone who meant something to me was there and plus a whole bunch of the school, and I played horrible, I began to cry by the end of the game. I didn’t just cry because we got murdered and I cried because I was embarrassed. So I just beat myself up because I care what people think. Even with my friends, I want to please everyone. I don’t want anyone to be mad at me, I want to be there for everyone and I want everyone to like me. It gets stressful because sometimes I can’t please everyone and that bothers me. I can not handle people being mad at me, and it is hard when you’re trying so hard to be everyone’s best friend. I also believe in sex until marriage, and it is getting hard to stay true to that. I get angry when I am pressured to thing I do not want to do, and again, that stresses me out and ruins my day. I am so focused on pleasing everyone I loose myself. But because I try to be the perfect girlfriend or whatever, it is hard to be good. But I will break up with anyone who pressures me into something I can not handle. Even with school, I don’t do as well as some people, but I still want to do the best I can so people don’t think I am dumb. I don’t want to be the stupid blonde or anything like that. So I stress and worry which is something I need to work on.
PART 2:
ReplyDeletePeer pressure is a big thing if you want everyone to like you, because you do not want to look unfun or uncool or a baby if you don’t do what is “cool”. I give into peer pressure and sometimes I have fun, and sometimes I look stupid and it ends up coming back at me. Which, stresses me out and makes reprioritize. Peer pressure is a bitch. It makes you look cool for like a night, and then after that it sucks. I gave into peer pressure and when my coach found out and A.D threatened to drop the girl’s soccer program, I beat myself up because I did not want to let anyone down. So I stopped my ways, told my parents, and it is hard to not slip up, but peer pressure can only lead to bad, but there has to be bad in order to have good. It is easier to give into peer pressure than to just say “No”. But because I messed up, I now care even more what people think, because I do not want to look like a hoe or a bad person, because I am not.
So, sometimes it is ok to care what people think. If we didn’t, some of us wouldn’t have the friends we have, or we wouldn’t change for the better because we don’t people to get the wrong idea. If I didn’t care what my friends my thought I wouldn’t be the good friend I actually know I am. Even if I can’t please everyone, I know that because I try to, it can sometimes lead to a better friendship with someone. If I didn’t care how people saw me as an athlete, I wouldn’t be the athlete I am. If I didn’t feel the pressure of school like I do, I wouldn’t try my hardest and I wouldn’t set goals for myself. Even if I do stress, it just makes when I please everyone and myself that much better. I like who I am, and I do care what people think, so without that I just would not be the way I am, so actually, thank you peoples opinions.
To Deanna (Kale!):
ReplyDeleteMy blog was sort of like this. But you conveyed it ten times better than what I wanted to say (like you always do with your writing talent!). Well, I completely agree with the ending. Basically the Dr. Suess quote says it all! ‘The ones that mind don’t matter and the ones that do, matter.’
Alexis 'My yong-yong' Bolisay!
ReplyDelete'I got a lot of comments on my loudness in the last couple of years and I've failed to truly tone down, but in places where it counts, (places I have to be professional, in school, performances, in front of authority) I really do tone down. Of course I slip up, but I take criticism from other people and try to improve, there's no harm in that. If it makes you a better person, what's the harm?'
Lord knows I've gotten plenty of comments about being loud since like..birth. Haha. But I completely agree with you in the fact that if it makes you better, there's no point in even trying to disagree with it. I've seen plenty of students in our school take perfectly good criticism that they receive and suddenly change it into an insult that they get all offended from. To me, that's not only a waste of energy, but it leaves you looking worse than you would've looked if you had just accepted it and said 'Thank You'.
Dylan -- Anyone could write something intelligent , but you have boring lets just get this over with type of tone and lack of emotion. I know that you have "real" feelings, let them out man.
ReplyDelete-- In response to your comment, I love that you for the most part haven't changed because of other people. Being best friends with you for the past 6 years has greatly impacted me because of your truthfulness to yourself. Even though you may come off as a "DB" you have always been yourself. "Though I would love to say that no one really gets to me, it would be a lie. I am influenced every day by the pressures of parents, peers, and the pressure of myself." I don't like that you let your father get to you, I hope that you take his criticism and turn it into a positive.
Sarah Chamberlain!
ReplyDeleteHow many times have we honestly talked about the topic of fashion? Especially over the last couple days..? Crazy, huh? You, of course, already know my views on that, but I'm so happy that you decided to also mention it in your blog! It makes all our conversations seem to much better now. Haha. :D
I often tell myself that, "I don't care what anyone else thinks."
ReplyDeleteAlthough I tell myself I don't, I still do. I tell myself that I don't care because I don't want to care. I don't want to think that my actions are simply reactions to other people, because that would mean that I'm a little less of me. I like to consider myself as better than that, better than all the other people who cannot help but act according to what other people think about them. They, and I do it, because we want to fit in. We want to be cool. We don't want to be the colorful zebra in a heard of only black and white. We don't want to be this zebra because to be it would mean that the other zebras would torment, harass, and criticize us.
Who are the other zebras? The people that mostly influence how I act today, are the people in school. I am comfortable enough with my parents and family to act freely. However, I am not comfortable with everybody in school. Therefore, I inevitably, and sometimes unconsciously, yield to their expectations. For example, I dress the way I do because I care about what other people think. I used to wear baggy clothes because I used to think that was cool and acceptable among my peers. However, now that baggy clothes are not as popular as in the past, I have switched my style to more fitting clothes. I choose my clothes based on my belief of what other people will like. I like it if other people will like it. Of course, there are the selected few in school that don't make me feel like I need their approval. These are the people I am 90% comfortable with. I can wear what I want around them and be a colorful zebra fearlessly because I know that they will see me as a beautiful zebra and not a weird one. I say 90% because there are still things that I would not comfortably do around them such as pass gas. If I were to pass gas around these people, and be noticed, I would flush with embarrassment and humiliation on the inside. To avoid these moments, I care about what these people think. It's just that I simply care less.
Although this puppet behavior can lead to self oppression, it is important so that people can interact. If there is no commonly accepted behavior, there would be no manners, no respect, and no order. Everyone would behave so differently, since they don't care about what other people think and thus do not conform to social demands, leading to fewer similarities between people, and thus fewer friendships. What is needed is a balance between originality and social confirmation.
I am not saying that I am a total puppet controlled by others, however. I still retain some of my special individuality. Instead of spiking my hair every day, in an attempt to look better according to other people's standards, I sometimes keep my natural hair, which shows how I, at least for that day, did not really care about what other people think. Other times, I dismiss the approval of others in order to gain something for myself. I think to myself, "Screw it if I'm not cool for this. I'll go to a better college than these people afterward. This is just high school."
Self-imposed pressure, at least to me, is good pressure. Self-imposed pressure is motivation, and having motivation to complete a task or to behave a certain way is a good quality to have. It's always good to push oneself because no matter what happens, oneself is always there. Self motivation will never ditch you, never not have time to help you, or have better things to do. It's a part of a person, a part that can never be taken away.
Deanna- I like the way you can realize that what others think isn't so important but still has an impact on our lives. It is good to listen to what other people have to say. I especially like how you said "I mean, of course, if someone bases every decision of their life on the opinion of others, then that’s a problem."
ReplyDeleteKelsey- I found your view on how people's perception of us is used to better ourselves very insightful. "Living up to someone else’s standards is how we better ourselves. Maybe yearning to not care what people think is setting us up for disaster." I found this part of your post very interesting and thought provoking.
Gwen- You have depicted a clear message about how people's perception of you has the potential to really hurt you. To some extent, it is very important what people think. You can't honestly function if the whole world is against you. I laughed out loud when I read "And your character smells like month old sweaty socks." Great.
Stelvis --
ReplyDelete"Everyone has problems with caring about what others think. We have to learn that we should never stand down because we are worried about how it will be perceived."
I agree baby, I'd rather be not likes for something I am then for something I'm not. It's foolish to feel good about the fact that people love you for faulty reasons. I love that you're yourself around most people, most homosexual men that I have met try to cover up the fact that they are gay by trying to act manly because that's how things are "suppose" to be. Thank you for being your sassy gay self, It tells a lot.
Kristie A:
ReplyDeleteAw thanks! I miss you too!
Tay P:
Okay, I understand what you mean.
Gwen Ayanda Unni Coleman!! -
ReplyDeleteAhh I hate it when people do that. Obviously there are always going to be the usual comments for almost every girl (she's a bitch, slut) and almost every guy (he's a jerk, etc.) but sometimes there are really comments that people have to take seriously. If someone keeps commenting on how you smell like garbage, which is not a usual insult (we should definitely make it one though!!) then obviously there's a peronal problem you need to take care of! hah people are so frustrating!
Sha Lay Lay
ReplyDeleteAw thanks. I would never try to act manly, cause that's gross. Ew girls. Hahaha. Seriously though, I try my best to be who I am.
Lex - Hahaha. 'You smell like garbage. PU'
ReplyDeleteThat's horrible! ...But i laughed. xD
Yea so I care what people think. When someone insults me, even inadvertently, I get a little defensive. But I don’t care enough to change. I really like who I am. I think. For now I do. =] There was a time when I would try to change, but it never worked. By the process of failure, I learned that one, I’m happiest when I’m myself even when other people aren’t so happy with me, and two, it is a HELL of a lot easier to just do me.
ReplyDeleteAs for decision making, I try to focus on myself and what I want, which is confusing enough. I don’t have the energy or patience to consider everyone else’s opinion. Sure my friends sway me a little, but in a more positive way. I try to surround myself with the kinds of people that I get along with and have similar views to. They watch my back and help keep me in line. My parents play a pretty big role in my life too. They basically rule everything so I kinda have to appease them, and I’ll admit they may have some knowledge that I lack, but just maybe. =] In regards to the majority of Oakcrest, all the people I don’t really know, they don’t mean a damn thing to me. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch or a complete loser (I’m only half loser thanks) but I have very little control over that. I can’t make everyone happy after all. So maybe I won’t walk around in my Alice in Wonderland costume (which is way rad by the way), but I’m sure gonna rock my sweatpants every chance I get! And I don’t care what they say. They make me happy.
Now, I talked about perception up yonder, but expectations are a bit different. My parents expect me to be smart about my life and to work hard at everything I do. Those are some good expectations to have. The kids at Oakcrest (yea sorry I’m generalizing) expect me to be a dumb, ditzy blonde, which I’m not, and thus I won’t meet their expectations, but I don’t focus on proving them wrong either. I just let them see what they see and they’ll decide and judge me how they want. I guess to shorten this up, the expectations and opinions that shape us are the ones we choose to entertain. Though much easier to say than do, in the end it pays off to just be yourself.
“I don't give a damn what other people think. What do ya think about that?” <--Montgomery Gentry <3333
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ReplyDeleteTo Gwen:
ReplyDeleteI like how you don’t care as much of what other people think of you and that you focus on helping the people around you. And I get the same thing from my parents, but they weren’t as well educated as yours. Heck I feel as if I’m already better than them but that won’t ever be until I show them some sort of doctorate degree or whatever field I’m going to major in. There’s no competition for me though… Overall I liked your blog!
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ReplyDeleteSaying I don’t really care has always served as a mask for the hidden feelings inside. To a certain extent I actually don’t care what people think but in another way I do. The opinions that have always seemed to impact me have usually come from friends, family or people that I see on a daily basis. I don’t usually care so much for what random strangers think because I just think that they don’t know me and if they judge me before getting to know me than they probably don’t matter. My friends have always influenced how I have acted because after a while I realized that I began to mimic some of their behaviors. I always have had my own personality but they have affected certain traits of it. I became friends with them though because we had certain things in common and from there we shaped each others traits. If we had not had anything in common then they probably would have not been my friends. I cared what they thought because my friends were always important to me whether they judged me or not. One of my friends even convinced me to join cross country which was something I hated for the longest time but at the same time I began to like it.
ReplyDeleteShelly
ReplyDelete"In the end I have to be true to myself."
That's what I'm saying! Being true to yourself is the most important thing in anyone's life, because if you aren't true to yourself your whole life is a lie!
Taylor:
ReplyDeleteYour exaggeration really puts the topic into view. Why would we go out on a limb to be different or as you put it “Some people would come to school in odd clothes, some would probably come without clothes.” It is the natural want of humans to fit in, to become one within the crowd. The comfort we feel and how being normal makes it so much easier to live. To be accepted lets us slip into our unnoticed routine and live our boring lives…how exiting!
Kristen D:
I like how you said “I put on makeup everyday and my hair is always done. I don't do it for myself.” It made me think, the clothes we wear and the things we do aren’t for ourselves. We are actually doing things for others-lack of a better word- enjoyment. It is like making jokes, so much to make other people laugh, to be noticed for being the best looking “normal” person. The things we do just to meet the ever-rising standards are exhausting. I wouldn’t even know- girls have it so much worse- I never have to put on makeup and usually don’t pick out my outfit besides my groggy stumbling attempts to put something on in the morning. Geez, what people do to be normal.
Sarah C:
What you are saying is completely true, things that people say can make or break your day. Though I don’t have the numerous outfit problems, what people say in a day (no matter how it was going before) can ruin or make your day. It is weird how a simple compliment on your intelligence or clothing can make problems and worries vanish for the time being.
Hannah: first of all I know exactly who you didn't go out with LOL! and I also agree with everything you said. I am pretty the same way, and I hope our blogs don't sound that same.
ReplyDeleteTaylor: Your blog made me giggle. I loved how you just came out and said "look I care, not going to lie". It was bold and I am glad you did say that, because if no one can admit it, then they're only saying they don't care because they do care. If that makes sense!
Chrissy: I enjoyed your blog, your example really shows how much really do care. Even if that isn't the exactly situation we go through, we still have something like that happen to us. Worrying about what people think can push us to be like "hey look you're wrong, and I'll show you you are" and that is what you have to remember. You're good, they're haters and all you can do is prove them wrong.
As far as parental pressure I think that my mother has influenced me in quite a few ways. She was the one who convinced me to take honors/ap classes. I never really thought I was smart enough but I tried it for her. When I realized that I could actually pass instead of falling flat on my face I decided to stick to the classes for as long as I could. She has always encouraged me to go to college which has shaped it into one of my goals. Thanks to her I have grown up with not much trouble in my life, she’s always shaped who I am and I’m glad she did. I do care what she thinks because she has done so much and I want her to be proud of who I am. Back in my old school everyone gained the same perception of me as the ditzy girl so I always tried to keep up with that perception. Once I got to high school that perception changed and people formed different impressions of me. When I feel like someone expects me to act a certain way it seems harder to change. I do change though people just don’t notice it as much because they are changing themselves at the same time. It’s just the way things seem to work, people change and when they do there are others changing at the same time.
ReplyDelete“I don’t give a shit what people think about me” is a phrase that can be heard many times during the day as we walk through the hallways of Oakcrest, and every time it is said, someone is lying. We all rely on other people’s perceptions of us to get by, and no one would be able to survive if they had nobody that liked them.
ReplyDeleteI know I care. I care a whole lot about what people think about me. I care about what my friends, my teachers, heck; I care about what that random kid passing me in the hallway thinks about me. If someone laughs in the hallway, I get paranoid because I think they are laughing at me. When I get dressed in the morning, I make sure I feel confident, so I can look good walking down the halls past people I don’t, and may never even know. I don’t want to be disliked. I have come to realize it’s a part of life, and no one can be liked by everyone, but I still try to make the number of people that dislike me as small as possible. I know there are people now who don’t like me. For example, just today I had someone come up to me and say “So and so thinks you’re a bitch.” My response “I don’t care.” But would I still be thinking about it if I didn’t care? Hmmm….
When we say things like “I don’t care what he/she/they thinks.” Or “They’re just a hater, I don’t care”, it’s just an excuse. An excuse used to cover up the fact that we do care, because we don’t want other people we know to know that what other people think about us really affects us. Get it? Yeah, I confused myself too. What I mean is, we act liked we don’t care, BECAUSE we DO care. If we hear that someone doesn’t like us, we probably say we don’t care to the person that told us, because we don’t want them to think we care too much. It’s a never-ending cycle, and I don’t think I’m explaining it very well, so I’m going to move on.
Like Deanna, I don’t believe that caring what people think is a bad thing though. In actuality, I believe that our society is based on, and thrives off of its citizens caring what other people think. I think one of the reasons that crime is not rabid in our country is the fact that we care what people think. When someone commits a crime, it goes on their record, which greatly affects what other people, possible employers, maybe even the love of your life thinks about you. We (as people, for the most part) do not want to be seen as criminals. See? That’s a good effect of caring what other people think about you!
PART ONE
ReplyDeleteIn my heart of hearts, I believe that for anyone that recites the phrase “I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” is simply using the phrase as a defensive mechanism. You may have all the confidence in this entire universe, but it still stings when someone perceives you wrongly or makes a derogatory comment towards something that means a great deal to you. Our reaction to the derogatory comments or mistaken perceptions impulsively is to respond to that person with “ I don’t care what you think, or laugh making a light joke to mask our true inner feelings that may sting a little. The truth is simply that deep down people do care how others perceive them because secretly we all want to be accepted and well- liked. I am not saying that everyone is deeply affected by comments or people’s perceptions but to say that “you don’t care about what others think,” is in my opinion, basically saying that you don’t really care about anything.
To be completely honest I am one of those people that go around saying “ I don’t care what others think,” but deep down I obsess on how people perceive me. Whenever someone describes me the adjectives that are frequently expressed are “friendly, sweet, out-going, positive, happy, etc. Since people perceive me through those following words, I feel that I must leave up to those words. It’s really sad to say, but the decisions I make or my actions I portray are mainly based on pleasing people Since other perceive me as friendly, I go out of my way to say “hey” to everyone in the hallways, since people see me as sweet every day I either compliment someone or help others that are having some difficulties. I also I am influenced on how happy people think that I am. They always are telling me that I am always smiling and it makes them want to smile. Even if I am suffering and dealing with so much in my life, I try so hard to smile and put on a happy face. My decision to always be happy is mainly because I feel people will like me better and I feel that American believes depression is a failure and often do not want to associate with depressive types.
The question that has perplexed me for as long as I remember is why do I need to live up to the expectations of what others perceive me as in person. The main reason why I care if someone likes me or how others perceives results in the way I was raised. My parents instilled in me, that the actions that I portray outside of their home are a reflection of them. I was raised to accept everyone for their differences, respect adults, and be courteous and friendly, to always tell the truth and most importantly always to do the right thing. The minute I don’t live up to these expectations, I feel defeated and ashamed because I feel that I am letting my family down. I feel everyone time my family witnesses my failures they look at me differently, even when they say they don’t.
What I have noticed most recently is that I put so much pressure on myself to rise to certain expectations Deep down in the core of my inner self I am a perfectionist. I never believe that anything I achieve in life is good enough. For instance, loads of people believe that I am a really strong runner. I pick apart that comment and feel like a failure when people say that to me. I train very hard for cross country and at every race, I expect a certain time .When I don’t reach the time everything inside of me turns chaotic and I lose confidence in my ability and I feel others won’t think I am a strong runner. I don’t care if it was the best race of the year; if I didn’t meet the goal I wanted to achieve then I am not satisfied. I am pretty much like that with anything I do that I have a drive and passion for. Honestly, I feel like I am always judging myself more than others judging me. I feel that I want to be a certain way that I go to the ends of the world to be that type of person. I am not saying that it’s a bad thing to have high expectations for yourself, but the ones I set I feel will never be achieved to my standards. I think mainly why it’s important for me to live up to my standards is because frankly I feel that I am not truly myself.
ReplyDeleteThe way society perceives has played a significant factor in my life. Everyone displays certain actions that are commonly accepted and expectations that society sets for us. You may believe that you don’t care one bit about society but you do. Its shown in subtle things we do, maybe brushing our hair, wearing makeup, getting good grades, going to college and etc. For the people who brush their hair or wear makeup they are sucked into having to look presentable in society in order to attract others attention. Though getting good grades and going to college are excellent expectations, they still are expectations society sets. Society exposes to children of this decade that the only way to truly have a successful and prosperous life is to get good grades and go to college.
Its inevitable Americans care how others perceive them. Some may think about it for a bit and then brush it off moving forward with their lives. Others will go to the ends of the Earth to either live up to that standard or to try in proving its invalidity. Personally, I believe that I do try to live up to expectations of others .Overall ,every day I battle within myself wanting desperately to prove within that I am a good enough person who needs to be satisfied and happy with who I am as a person.
That was Part 2!
ReplyDeleteLucas: I don’t think that you are the only one who has felt as if absorbing the tendencies of others would make a person feel more accepted. I actually think that’s normal in my opinion. I know I’ve felt that way before especially when there was a group of people that I really wanted to become friends with.
ReplyDeleteAlex S: I really liked what you wrote. It’s so great that you can just shrug off what people say. I wish more people, including me sometimes, could do that more because it would probably create fewer problems since they wouldn’t be constantly worrying about what one person thinks.
Stephen W.: “Think of all the energy we use worrying about what others think and trying to avoid situations that might make us uncomfortable.”
I completely agree with the thought behind this! I think that we use way too much energy worrying about what others think. We really shouldn’t have to worry that much because it just drains us of the great people we actually are.
The first place that came to my mind after reading the blog prompt was high school swimming. Whenever I’m at a high school dual meet, or any high school affiliated meet, I feel an immense amount of pressure from my coach, teammates, opponents, and ultimately myself. I wouldn’t say I hate high school swimming, but it’s definitely not my favorite thing to do. It bothers me that the whole concept is based on names and how talented certain crazy swim parents perceive young swimmers to be. There’s always the “did you hear she bet her?” or “she doesn’t have a chance, she switched teams this year.” For the most part, 90% of these opinions and predictions are not true, but I still get worked up every time one is mentioned about me. All of the hearsay gets in my head and no matter how hard I train, I get extremely nervous before all of my races because I don’t want to disappoint my teammates or parents, and give other people the satisfaction of talking about one of my bad performances so they can feel better about themselves.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I step onto the blocks, I feel like someone in the crowd is silently wishing for me to fail. I don’t know if it’s true, but by the amount of pressure I put on myself, it might as well be. Basically, I choke. I know for a fact that I train harder than most swimmers in this area because my coach prides himself and our team on that fact. However, I still can’t get past the fear of what other people think of me.
Swimming is clear-cut sport, you either swim a certain time, or you don’t. There are no “favorites” because times speak for themselves. But, the most ironic part of this whole thing is that it’s not important. At all. The only positive point of high school swimming is the Meet of Champions; everything else is only for “fun.” College coaches and recruiters communicate mainly with club coaches, or swimmers directly. If high school swimming is in essence insignificant, why do I do it? Because I want to be a state champion. Being the best of the best is what I strive for, and the only way to do that (unfortunately) is through high school swimming.
I wish I didn’t care so much about what other people think of me, but it’s hard to change that. Hopefully I’ll be used to the big load of high school swimming crap this year and it won’t affect me as much as it did last year.
Lucas:
ReplyDeleteAt the end of your blog, it was good to know that that you’re happy with yourself, because that IS all that matters. I really liked your sponge theory and I think I live by that method, too. I see certain traits in other people that I aspire to be, and mix them up with that ones I have naturally, and viola! However, I disagree with your idea that quiet people aren’t loved. Everyone is loved, no matter if you don’t talk at all or never shut up. There’s always at least one person who loves you for exactly who you are on your best days, and on your worst days, as well.
Taylor:
I agree completely with you! Especially when you said, “I am fully aware of what a short, bubbly, white girl should be doing and to avoid people judging me I try and stick to those things.” You hit the nail right on the head. Whenever someone does something uncharacteristic of their stereotype it’s almost as if they’re asking to be made fun of. I also agree with your description of no one wanting to be “that girl.” Everyone wants to fit in with the crowd, and only stand out for “popular” reasons. No one definitely wants to be the girl in the corner muttering to herself, and your blog portrayed that idea exceptionally.
Sarah C:
I let people think they’re superior to me and then prove them wrong when I get the chance.
You are awesome! I love the kick-ass-ness (is that a word?) of your blogs; they’re funny, honest, and always well written. I also agree with your idea of the whole compliment thing. Being complimented is always nice, but I hate when people point out other peoples flaws just so they can feel better about themselves. To me, that completely destroys the gossiper’s image to the people around them and makes them ugly, no matter how beautiful they may look. And I’m mad at you for feeling the way you do about outfits! I also like wearing cute outfits, but don’t let it ruin your day if you don’t like your outfit, you’re an amazing person and the clothes you wear on a bad day will never change that!
Pooja!
ReplyDeleteThanks! But even if there's no competition in your family, keep striving for it! There's certainly plenty of competition amongst us, so use that as your driving force to excel even further in school! Just because you already achieved being more-educated than them doesn't mean that you can't become even BETTER than that. Keep on truckin'. :]
ALEX V
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA is it weird that the same exact Montgomery Gentry quote when I read about this blog! As I think about it, it actually exemplifies the point that I was trying to make in my blog. The whole, we say we don't care because we care thing.
Deanna- "I’d rather know someone who valued others opinions than someone who didn’t listen to anyone but him/herself."'
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you talked about expectations not always being a bad thing. I dont feel like they are at all, so bad I just feel Americans like always take them to a level on intensity. I like you have to listen to others opinions because in the long run it could help you become a better person. If you just listen to yourself you are too narrow- minded and have a pretty false accustation on the type of person you are. The dr. Seuss quote is so dead on for this topic and i love it!! It shows that the ones who our truely there for us will not mind if we fail or make a mistake because they are truely there for us, no matter what!
Kristite- I read you blog and was really surprised! I thought you were so confident in yourself and could care less on how others saw you. I really liked your blog because it was real and it was all coming from the heart. Everything,feeling or thought you wrote in your blog i experience on a daily basis also. I really thought your blog was personally and it touched my heart !
ReplyDeleteOf course I care what others think of me, deep down who doesn’t? High Schools all about who has the latest shoes or the best clothes, everywhere you look students judge each other. So how in a school where every student is judged by their classes, appearance, and friends do you not care what others think of you? And the answer to why we care, its simple everyone wants to be accepted. No one wants to be alone in high school, and as you make friends the pressure starts. Pressure from friends to buy the latest fashion, or the pressure from you’re parents to do well and get that scholarship, or even the pressure from yourself to ace that next test. All of these pressures will follow us from our childhood all the way until our working years. The only difference is they get worse, pressures of homework turn to pressures to pay bills, and get food on the table. The pressures we experience as teenagers are only a small taste of what to come in the future. The expectations and perceptions of other people play such an important role in everyone’s lives. If we didn’t have an outsiders expectations we wouldn’t be very good students, would we? It was that significant push our parents gave us when we were younger to make us perform the way we do now in school. But I believe once those characteristics of hard work and determination are instilled into someone, those traits stay with them their entire lives. Those outside expectations now turn into our own expectations of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteKristie* oops I put like an extra T by complete mistake
ReplyDeleteAlix 'My best friend!' Lesschinski!
ReplyDelete'When we say things like “I don’t care what he/she/they thinks.” Or “They’re just a hater, I don’t care”, it’s just an excuse. An excuse used to cover up the fact that we do care, because we don’t want other people we know to know that what other people think about us really affects us. Get it? Yeah, I confused myself too'
Pft, of course I get it..only I didn't get confused. Haha. I seen plenty of students call other people haters because they were "dissin'" their new kicks or something. I guess, in saying that the other person is just hating on them, it makes the insulter look as if they had nothing better to do then to call out someone else. Unfortunately, that leaves the poor insultee [ ? ] with a broken spirit. :[
Or! They could be like me, and just call everyone a hater cause it's fun..whichever.
But you explained it just fine. No worries. (:
Alex S.- Its really cool that you can resist peer pressure, its a trait that I wish I had!! I like your attitude on life, you dont take yourself too serious and you let petty things roll off your back. I like how you stay true to who you are that shows me that you are a happy and confident in the person and decisions you make in life!
ReplyDeleteTo Alex S:
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to congratulate you on finishing your blog earlier than you usually do.
Anyway, I totally agree in the "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I wrote once somewhere, that words affect you only if you allow them to affect you. If you are strong enough and confident enough, then you can easily disregard any unkind words. I once heard quote--I already shared in this blog but I'll share it again--along the lines of this: Those that care don't matter, and those that matter don't care.
I remember when you wore camouflage to school. Yes, I thought it was a bit peculiar, but that was it. It was nice to see you were confident enough with yourself to wear such an outfit, an outfit that I would have not had the confidence to wear.
To Alex N:
"The other type of people who really may be telling the truth when they claim they don’t care what people think of them are people who feel they have failed." I didn't think of that idea at all, but now that you mention it, I agree with you. Its sad how most people often have to be "super geniuses" or failures to not care about what other people think because they are both so extreme.
"The pressure we feel every day, no matter who it’s coming from, is pressure to change." I think that pretty much sums up, in one simple sentence, all the causes of pressure. Peer pressure is when peers want you to do something, changing yourself. Parental pressure is the encouragement to change from parents. Social pressure is the pressure to change to look better in society. I never thought of it that way, but again, agree with you now that you mention it.
To Alexis B:
I think its about the same for guys and girls to not care about what people think. When a guy deviates from the norm, then he will be mocked by his guy friends and his girl friends. When a girl deviates from the norm, then she will be mocked by her girl friends and her boy friends. In terms of the severity of mocking of the same sex, I think they are pretty equal. Girls have their ways of injuring people by gossiping and boys will have their ways of injuring people by teasing.
One area that may have a difference in difficulty, however, is the displaying of sexuality. In Oakcrest, it seems that the lesbians have an easier time than the gays. Walking around the Oakcrest hallways, I frequently see lesbians kissing one another, but never guys kissing one another. When the girls do it, everyone simply walks by, with the exception of immature guys who may say a stupid joke. If the boys were to do it, however, I don't think it would be so simple.
Another area that may have a difference in difficulty is weight. Guys who are overweight have an easier time than girls who are overweight. Overweight guys can still easily have girlfriends, but an overweight girl cannot have a boyfriend so easily. Therefore, it is easier for guys to not care about what other people think about their weight than it is for women.
Guys and girls have their unique differences concerning how difficult it is to not care about what other people think. However, in not caring about what other people think, guys will have an easier time in some areas, and a harder time in others. This is the same situation with the girls. Therefore, guys and girls generally have the same amount of difficulty in not caring about what other people think.
In the past, I used to think of myself as a paranoid freak--at times, I still think I am. Going through many places, I act as if someone is watching me, because, after all, I admit I mindless stare at people and judge what they say or do. It's not that I'm a creeper; it’s simply curiosity. Thus, for instance, I stroll down the hallways with my chin held high and a smile on my face because I never want to be seen as that awkward, shy girl who is terrified of going through crowds of people. I never know whose watching and judging. At the end of the day, the only place I feel completely (without a doubt) comfortable is when I am "behind closed doors." Alone in a room, underneath a table, or behind the head of the person in front of me, I truly feel secure. I can do literally anything--dance, sing, when I'm sure nobody is watching me. I hate the judgmental eyes of others. I always end up thinking, "Yup, they must be saying some bad things about me." Some days, it kills me and eats up my inner soul, confidence, and everything that makes me a strong individual. Does that make me paranoid? No, I just care deeply about what people think about it and I don't think that's a wrong thing.
ReplyDeleteIn recent years, I gained bucket-fulls of confidence and strength for myself. More times than before, I want to believe that "I don't care what anyone thinks" In actually, I tend to start each day with this motto in the back of my mind. I am my own individual--I have to stick up for myself. Yet, behind my smiles and proud thoughts, that paranoid freak still lies dormant in who I am. It's there and I'm constantly in a battle trying to fiend off this miserable emotion.
What soothes me is that thought that it's natural--there's a paranoid freak in all of us. If there is any person who truthfully believes that they live their lives without a thought of other people's opinion, then they are lying to themselves. At the beginnings of society, back in the prehistoric times when the first two humans existed, humanity and live basically grew around the fact that other people are around. In our hearts, humans crave attention, approval, and the sense of belonging. Other people and what they think have become almost a vital part of life. The affects of loneliness are so horrifying that humans have an innate need to belong. And to belong, we need approval. We require other people to have positive perceptions of us.
Life, I've come to see, is pretty much entirely focused on making yourself look good for the eyes of others. All this effort into making yourself look good for other people proves that people care about the opinions of others. For instance, consider the average day of a teenager's life. Everyday, a teenager dresses themselves with clothes because they are affected by the opinions of other teenagers. Even those people who think "I don't care how I look," are affected because if not, why do they take the effort to change everyday? Why don't they go around clothe-less? Also, generally teenagers go to school to succeed in academics and, in turn, life. What does that success mean if a person doesn't care the perceptions of other people? You think you feel accomplished for yourself. But accomplishment isn't measured based on what you've done, it tends to be based off of the accomplishments of yourself relative to other people. People's perception and expectations motivate us to do what we do. Without them, our lives in this society would be meaningless. Sounds like a tough road, right? Well, that's life.
I say it all the time. “I don’t care what they think.” Whether it is when I’m walking with my friends and getting nasty looks from people that don’t even know us, or when my mom tells me that she’s surprised I’m still a virgin. Guys have walked by me and mentioned that I need a pregnancy test, girls have said behind me “Oh my god, she looks like a skank in that shirt,” and kids younger than me have told me that I am “too pretty to be smart, you just look like one of those girls that are dumb as hell but good in bed.” Their opinions don’t phase me one bit. The reason why is because people like them do not matter to me. The only opinions that matter are from the people who I care about, and who care about me. I’m not a bitch, but I’m not going to let someone else’s impression of me change the way I am if they mean absolutely nothing to me. Most people don’t mean a thing to me (and that’s why I said I’m not a bitch- because that sounds TOTALLY rude!).
ReplyDeletePeople care what others think because society has jammed it down our throats that how we present ourselves will get more people to like us. The more positive opinions there are gives us more friends, and more friends gives us happiness. This isn’t true though. For instance, George W. Bush wasn’t the best of public speakers, and wasn’t exactly loved by the country. But if he let every single person’s opinion get to him, where would our country be today?
People should not care about what others say, unless it is someone close to them. If my dad thought I was becoming too “promiscuous” (although he has nothing to worry about!) , I would change that. If some girl that I never talked to tells her friends I’m a whore because she doesn’t like me, she can shove it up her ass because I sure as hell do not care. Other people’s opinions will just bring us down if we pay too much attention to them, especially if what people think about you is a negative thing. Just live your life the way you want to, and don’t give the time of day to those who decide that they can insult you and start drama. You are your own person. You are whatever you say you are, not what he, she, they, or I tell you.
Jessie B: “Even the most committed nudist would probably throw on an old shirt and sweat pants for a trip to Target because it’s easier than dealing with sneers, employees “what do I do about this” expressions, and close encounters with the policeman kind.” I though this was so funny! It is very true though. I love your blog and how truthful and honest it was. If you actually wanted to wear that frilly mini skirt and polka dot sweater, I’d say go for it! Haha. It isn’t about making others happy but doing what you want and love.
Taylor P: “Seriously, right now, go do something daring and potentially bizarre in front of a large group of people. You won’t. I know you won’t. What you will do is quietly mull it over, drop that idea like it’s hot and continue on with your day.” I have to disagree! Maybe I am just weird or maybe I just love to have fun, but I am that girl that has done crazy things with her friends for the world too see. My friend and I jumped into Johnny Rockets and danced with them, not knowing how, and with everyone watching and laughing. We didn’t care- we were having fun! We do stuff like that all the time. We must be crazy =]. I love your bubbly attitude though, and I love how opinionated you are!
Alex S: “What people say means nothing to me if it doesn’t improve me in someway.” I totally agree. This is pretty much exactly what I was saying when I wrote about how we shouldn’t let what other people think bring us down. Brush it off, laugh it off, move on with your life. Drop the negative like its hot, and run with the positive like you are trying to win a race. We all just need to be our own person!
I am only a pair of eyes after all. I will stand at attention and rattle off lists of my observations. However, I dread the prospect of anyone asking me about myself. During my psychology class, students had to interview each other. After a few interviews most all of the questions had been recycled, but I still tripped over my answers. My favorite color, you ask? Blue, purple, yellow . . . By the way is rainbow a color? No? oh well still worth trying I suppose. I once heard that when a person merely walks across a room they end up different. I am going to make the wild assumption that I am made of the same stuff as the next person. Just try to stay with me here. If I can have an infinite number of moods, sides, views, and personas, what’s to stop anyone else from doing the same? I’m the first to admit I’m indecisive and often spontaneous, but I refuse to believe I am alone as a universe in a human body. Therefore, the information and judgments about others that I have been collecting and filing for years are baseless. I wasn’t hovering over them as they cried over their own failure. I wasn’t smirking in a corner, while they juggled life changing decisions. I wasn’t taking notes when they risked their own good for someone else. People can not be inspected like livestock, at least not by others of their kind.
ReplyDeleteOnce these illusions are scraped away, the heart of the situation is revealed. Human dependence upon others has no business with logic. The only place for it is the land of the mystical unknown, where emotions parade around like cannibals and desperation sports the spirit of barbarians. Since forever ago, humans have been branded herd animals. Separation from the herd equals certain death and destruction even today. The person glaring at you across the room might not be someone you want to spend quality time with. However you still have to care, because they are a fellow member of the stampeding herd we call humanity. People constantly compare themselves to others, as a safety check. “I’m smarter than him”, “she’s weird”, or “I’m definitely better at this than them” become a subconscious self-defense system. Everyone identifies the top tier for themselves, and struggles to find a niche for themselves there. If you admire the football star, you make yourself seem athletic. If you are jealous of smarter people, you try to come off as intelligent. One of the greatest struggles of life is the war for self-value. People are insecure and know that they are too close to themselves to be a fair judge. Simply turning to the people conveniently placed around them is the obvious choice.
Lucas-
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your blog and I agreed 110% with most of what you had to say. People undoubtedly influence us; it is what makes us, as humans, strive. I also agree when you mentioned yourself as a sponge. I believe my personality is a mere reflection of the people I hang out with. We simply exchange our behavior with each other. Again, I also personally believe that everyone that I've talked me has shaped me in some sort of way. Whatever they had to say about me, sarcastic or not, I keep it in the back of my mind. I respect your honesty, and I am glad you were influenced more by your family than your friends, because you're not like the majority of the jackass guys! P.S- I read the comment you said to Jessie, and I just wanted to say that your faces are blatantly amusing, and I don’t think they are anything to be ashamed about. But I don’t think you are ashamed about them. Nevertheless, keep thinking!
Alex S. -
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your confidence, and I’m glad you feel the way you do, but does that overused phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones…” truly come that easily to you? I mean, sometimes I attempt to ignore certain people’s offenses towards me, but I can’t just “brush it off” like you do. Don’t you feel some sort of anger or any kind of emotional effect? You can’t just hear it and be like, “That’s chill.” Emotions, whether we want them to or not, control ourselves. At least you admitted that they affect you. But simply saying you just “brush it off” puzzles me. I question whether you are just trying to hide weakness or not. I wish I had it that easy…
Taylor:
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how almost everyone has said that they can instantly tell it is you that wrote your blog post. You have a very distinct personality, and it shows through in your writing. And I agree that other people's opinions do, in most cases, keep us normal. On a side note, people really made fun of you for looking like a zombie at a Halloween event? That's just stupid.
Brynne-
ReplyDelete“In my heart of hearts, I believe that for anyone that recites the phrase “I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” is simply using the phrase as a defensive mechanism”.
-I totally agree! This was one of the significant points I mentioned in my blog. I believe people are scared to show their weaknesses, so they simply use the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bone, but words will never hurt me.”, like Alex Showell said. This is why I questioned his blog in the first place. Upfront, you spoke the truth. Saying words don’t affect you is simply putting up a façade. Words affect us: end of story. And knowing you for a very long time, I know this applies to you. However, although it does affect us, I don’t believe it should affect us into a deep depression. There is always an extent. As I tell you always and will for forever, be confident! You’re gorgeous and I think you’re the most passionate athlete I know!
Alex S:
ReplyDeleteI pretty much agree with Chrissy. Although I would like to believe I can ignore what other people think about me and only focus on the positives, it's inevitable, at least for me, that the negatives come back as well. If you can truly do that, it is admirable. Lucky...
Every morning I go up out bed disgruntled and exhausted. After taking my morning bathroom run (haha) I go up to the mirror and see what the damage is. Left over makeup, dark circles under the eyes, open pores, new zits, and frizzy hair are what greet me. I give a big sigh and start to try to correct my flaws. Then I go to my wardrobe and go through millions of outfit choices not paying attention to the clock. These pants make me have a saggy grandpa butt, this shirt looks weird today, these shoes aren’t quite the same shade of black.. SO SAD. After all that fuss I run out to my bus stop and see the bus that I was SUPPOSED to catch drive right by. I missed it because I was self conscious.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don’t know why I’m always so self conscious. Sure, the green eyed monster comes out sometimes, but is usually under control! Honestly, I just want to be accepted and liked, and the usually the way you manage your appearance is a big factor when someone’s judging you, I guess.
Have you ever been self conscious when going up to the front of the room near the trash can to blow your nose? No? Well, maybe that’s just me. When I go up, there are a million things in my mind. All at once I’m praying I don’t trip and fall flat on my face, that I don’t blow my nose too loudly, or that anyone looks me in the eye when I walk back to my seat. I’ll admit it, it’s really pathetic, but I can’t help myself. I don’t at all blame my parents. All they have done is support me and even try to give me more confidence in myself, but I’m the one that’s holding me back. It’s hard to explain how I feel, but sometimes when I’m alone in my room and look in the mirror I feel beautiful, but when I go to school, I compare myself to others and think exactly the opposite. I try my best to hold my head up and push those thoughts away, but sometimes my best is never enough. I am not going to lie. I am, at most times, a self conscious, jealous, and pathetic person who cares about what every single one of you think, no matter who you are.
Then there’s what I call my “beautiful” days. The days where I get out of bed, look around my room with dazed eyes and say, “Eh, fuck it.” I trudge out the door in an oversized but comfy SUPERMAN sweatshirt and am happy. For whatever reason, on those days, I almost have a shield around my mind that protects me from any of the thoughts that make me have to pull out a mirror and check my hair or makeup every class period. Sometime in the future, I hope that I’ll make every day a beautiful day.
Brynne:
ReplyDeleteI agree. People want to think they don't get harmed by what others say, but truthfully, any attempt to say so is just a defensive mechanism, as you said (in most cases... there are always exceptions, i suppose). Everyone cares what others think. It's a fact of life, and part of being human.
Lauren-
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about your pressure in high school swimming. I feel that same pressure in band. Like you training the hardest in swimming, I feel like I practice so much on trumpet because I literally just learned how to play it last year. And now with this huge solo, I feel the pressure from the other 82 band members, the staff, all the band parents, the alumni who happen to come by and watch, and Mr. T himself. They depend on my personal success. I hate it when I think about how other bands silently want me to fail. For me, all I do I think about how amazing I am the few hours before our competition. It makes me forget about it all. Lauren, you are known as THE best swimmer. And someday, you really would be a state champion. =)
That “western way of thinking” based on individualism and freedom to make one’s own decisions is a lie. Stanley Milgram proved it with “Milgram’s Experiment,” and Solomon Asch proved it with the “conformity test.” Each experiment supported sociologist Gabriel Tarde’s statement that “Social man is a somnambulist” (a somnambulist is a sleepwalker).
ReplyDeleteIn Milgram’s experiment, a regular person was instructed by the experiment facilitator to use physical harm, in the form of electrical shock, to teach another person. When the learner answered incorrectly, the facilitator of the experiment told the subject to shock the learner. Even when the label corresponding with the voltage level read “XXX,” an overwhelming majority of subjects continued to obey the facilitator. After repeating this experiment with different groups of people, Milgram concluded that people obey authority.
Solomon Asch studied a different aspect of human conformity by placing subjects in a group of planted peers and showing them a line on one piece of paper and three lines on another. The three lines were of varying lengths, but one very obviously matched the first line, which was on the other piece of paper. The subject was asked which of the three lines was identical to the first after hearing the other members of the group answer incorrectly. In a large percentage of cases, the subject gave the same incorrect answer as the other group members.
Based on the above two experiments, it is clear that people conform both to authority and the majority. The subjects felt incapable of making their own decisions. Notably, neither the authority figure in Milgram’s Experiment or the members of the group in Asch’s test had previously met the subjects, yet the subjects conformed to their commands or behavior. Imagine the likelihood of a person to conform to the behavior of loved ones, or even acquaintances!
Now, I know that none of you experienced some great epiphany while reading my post. You all probably knew that people are impressionable and conforming, at least to some degree. The real mystery is why people do so, not whether or not people do so. Before learning of Milgram’s and Asch’s work, I would have said that people conform out of admiration or respect, but when people compromise beliefs and values based on the commands or behaviors of complete strangers, admiration and respect amount to nothing.
I think that people have different motives for allowing the others’ perceptions of them affect decision, depending on the person in question. When an authority figure gives a command, we think to the simple lesson that has been pounded into out heads since we were young children: Obey, obey, obey. Obedience keeps things in order. Fracas would ensue if there were none, but that doesn’t mean that obedience should come at the expense of independent thinking and the compromise of basic values. In the 1940s, perfectly normal people obeyed authority. As a result, nearly six million Jews were murdered. The Nazis obeyed the authority before them because they had been taught from a young age to listen to those above them.
The other prevalent reason that people allow themselves to be molded by others is the simple fact that people want to belong. In conflicts between values and social desirability, the desire—no—the need to fit in typically prevails. Luckily, there3 are usually people who share similar values, so conformity doesn’t always mean the forfeiture of personal virtues.
Response #2 Katie G!
ReplyDelete"Have you ever been self conscious when going up to the front of the room near the trash can to blow your nose? No? Well, maybe that’s just me."
That is not just you! My pre-calc class is all seniors that I didn't know before the first day of school. It took me literally 2 weeks before I felt comfortable enough to even ATTEMPT getting up to get a tissue. I feel like that self consciousness is so unnecessary, and it is, but I can't help it! I'm always afraid somehow I got chalk on my back, maybe I sat in gum, or maybe even I ripped my pants without knowing it! Ahhh...us teenagers and our crazy, psycho self consciousness.
Part 1
ReplyDeleteI believe it is human nature to care about what others think about us. Take social Darwinism, for example; the weak little deer is chomped on by big macho lion as soon as it is cut off from the herd. People’s perception of who we are influences us so greatly, I find, because as humans, we crave for acceptance. Nay, as humans we NEED acceptance due to our interdependence on others in society. Society drills into our head that we should “belong”. That we should blend in with the pack. And as we all know that the only way to belong is to mold ourselves to the perceptions of others. To be the jock, nerd, or ditsy popular girl. If one does not at least edited himself/herself themselves, they can usually expect to be utter alone in a society that deems them “unfunctioning” or worse, “inconsequential”. The fear of being supposedly broken, isn’t that the biggest pressure of them all?
Everyone cares about others’ perception of them, to a certain extent anyway. Anyone who says otherwise either lying or is a mechanical robot sent to Earth to kill all humans by lulling them into a sense of security. Though I deadly fear you, you killer robots, I MUST call you out on that whole “I don’t care” thing because, honestly, it is impossible not to care, even if you are made of metal. We care. We care because we want to be the girl/boy that everyone likes and wants to be friends with. We care because we want to be the perfect child, the one whose parents are ohhh-so proud. We care because we want to be the best that we can be. No don’t get me wrong. It’s not all this righteous self improvement crap. Sometimes its pure greed. Greed to be popular and the envy of everyone else. Blah, Blah, Blah, you know the type better than I do. The posers ( no not the Pakis Posers, Bunj), the wannabes, who are so desperate for acceptance they will be whoever the surroundings call for.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteBut I am not talking about the extreme case of the posers. Rather, I speak of the average student in Oakcrest. The ones that hold themselves to five bazillion standards. They hold themselves to the standards of not only their parents, or peers, but as to that of their teachers and coaches. I, myself, have wielded to others expectations of me. Take my overly exited behavior, which I have because I have come to believe that’s what people expect of me. It is a self-appointed job but the owner always remains the same: the public. However, there are certain aspects of myself that I would never allow to be tainted by other’s opinion of me. My religion, my respect of others, and my opinions. These are my own and will remain my own, until that day I die. The point I am trying to make is this; it is impossible not to care and not to adapt to others’ expectations of you (to a certain extent), the important thing is knowing where THEY end and YOU begin.
So...this doesn't really have that much to do with the blog...But it does...a little. It uses the words Haters! Just thought I'd enlighten you guys.
ReplyDeletehttp://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/328.jpg
"Have you ever been self conscious when going up to the front of the room near the trash can to blow your nose? No? Well, maybe that’s just me. When I go up, there are a million things in my mind. All at once I’m praying I don’t trip and fall flat on my face, that I don’t blow my nose too loudly, or that anyone looks me in the eye when I walk back to my seat. I’ll admit it, it’s really pathetic, but I can’t help myself. I don’t at all blame my parents. All they have done is support me and even try to give me more confidence in myself, but I’m the one that’s holding me back. It’s hard to explain how I feel, but sometimes when I’m alone in my room and look in the mirror I feel beautiful, but when I go to school, I compare myself to others and think exactly the opposite. I try my best to hold my head up and push those thoughts away, but sometimes my best is never enough. I am not going to lie. I am, at most times, a self conscious, jealous, and pathetic person who cares about what every single one of you think, no matter who you are. "
ReplyDeleteKTG:
When I was reading this, I felt like I wrote it. I totally identify with you. I don't even know how to elaborate on this comment because I feel like you said what I want to say. I, too, compare myself to others WAY too much, and I'm WAY too self-conscious, and I worry WAY too much about what other people tihnk of me. Hopefully you'll care about what I say when I say this: The two of us are not best friends. I don't claim to really know you, but I do know that you are a fun person to be around and you're incredibly smart and you're super funny (just take a look at you birthday party invitation from last year) and you are a deep thinker and you look great everytime I see you and you're basically just pretty darn cool. I mean that.
Alix: Yea country music! Im so glad someone else recognized that set of lyrics. it'd be pointless if everyone was like "who is montgomery gentry" hahaha.
ReplyDeleteThis probably won't make sense at all, but here it goes.
ReplyDeleteI hear the words "I don't really care what people think of me" so many times, it's becoming one of those over used phrases. I think we all care to some extent. When people care about how they are being viewed by people around shows their motivation to do better. For example, ever since I was a child, my mother told me whenever someone made fun of me I should just say "I don't care." She has taught me to say it and believe it. But I did care back then and because I cared, I motivated myself to do better at what I sucked at.
To be completely honest, today I don't care as much as I use to. I care more about what people think of my intellectuality than what I'm wearing. I can say that I don't mind what people say about what I am wearing because clothes aren't really important to me. But I would not want to be known as a stupid or unintelligent person by others.
To myself though, I care more about what people that matter to me think than people that don't matter as much. There are the opinions of a few friends, my family, teachers, and a few highly important people that will ultimately decide my future that truly matter to me. I mean, I think about what others say or think, but it does not impact me as much.
I think we care about what some people think because we, as humans, will always be curious about what others think of us as. Whether it is good or bad, we still want to know. However, what I don't understand is how some people could be so focused and worried about what everybody thinks of them to the point where they get obsessed. Like, if somebody comments about how a person looks horrible in red, and the person decides to never wear red ever again. I'm sorry, but that's a bit too extreme to me. Maybe it's just me and how I believe that in the end, every man is for himself that makes me think people shouldn't become too focused on other's opinions.
We should care about how we are viewed by other people, but we should care about the opinions of the important people more.
Growing up I have always lived in a low income house; my mother being a single mom, supporting three children. As a little child, I didn’t have all the stuff I posses now. The stuff such as: the amount of cloths, electronics, side money, etc… The most number of jeans I owned, as a youngling, was at most three pairs. Meaning that for two out of the five days I went to school I had to repeat my jeans. As for my shirts I only had five that had to last me the entire school year. Even though, wearing the same shirts every week was reasonable the jeans were not. As a youngling, that was nothing because we never cared what we were wearing a long as we were having fun. Although, over the years that had changed, society for a pre-teen/teen had changed all together. It was frowned upon the students if you were caught were the same jeans in the same week. You, I in this case, had got made fun of to the fullest and I was considered as dirty.. And over time as they caught on to me wearing the same five shirts every week the was added to the bulling. Up to the time that I hit eighth grade I was always made fun of for the how I dress, let alone for the way I talked, walked, acted, etc… Even though, I had been bullied for these things, I never once cared what people thought about me. I would at times get mad because yes I wanted to have the things everyone else had to fit it but, the fact was at the time, my mother couldn’t afford it and I accepted that. I knew at a young age things were rough for my family, and that the people that didn’t make fun of me and stuck by my side were my real friends.
ReplyDeleteSo to answer your question, “Why do we care?” Well quite frankly I can’t answer for
“we” but, in general for those who do, I honestly don’t understand why you would. Caring about other people’s thoughts will only slow you down line life and for that reason is the same reason why I don’t care. Those people, who judge you, undermine you, or what the cases maybe, are not always going to be in your life. They are simply just going to come and go. For you to take time out of YOUR life to please someone elses thoughts are only going to slow down the process to your successes.
Now, me not caring what people think about me, I am speaking about people in general, as a whole. I am going to be truthful here and say there is a HANDFUL of people that I do care how they may see me, which are my mother, and those people that are going to help me become successful in life. If you’re not helping me but degrading me all I have to say is, screw you. (Excuse my poor lack of words)
YAY UROOSA!!!!! I loved your closing sentence. I like to think that I don't care as much as a lot of teenagers do simply because I grew up a lot faster cause of my household and realized that life ain't about making friends (entirely), but I still care sometimes about some things. The difference is that I know who I am and I don't let people blur that line for me. I think that you really fit that sentence also. You are sooooo unique but you still aren't the awkward kind of "unique". You seem to be friends with everyone. Keep it up. =]
ReplyDeleteWhen we say things like “I don’t care what he/she/they thinks.” Or “They’re just a hater, I don’t care”, it’s just an excuse. An excuse used to cover up the fact that we do care, because we don’t want other people we know to know that what other people think about us really affects us.
ReplyDeleteAlix L...:
I couldn't agree with you more. People tend to say things like that after they have been insulted. Just this weekend, I asked my friend if he got his shirt from his little sister (I know it sounds mean, but I was actually serious. It was white with pink writing and about two sizes too small.). He told me that he doesn't care what I think of his shirt. As he put on his hoodie. It wasn't cold and he had just finished ranting about how that fact.
To KTG: I totally agree with you. I feel like the exact way. I like myself, until I start comparing myself to everyone else. It’s as is a bell goes off in my head. “I’m not tall enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough.” The list continues. Yet when I am alone, I find good traits that I like about myself, only to come to school to realize there are insignificant (accordind to the Oakcrest populace). It hurts every time. I think it is especially common in girls. I feel like you and I are on the same wavelength most of the time, KTG. And the fact that you like Superman just makes me like you more (Cough, Cough Bunje).
ReplyDeleteTo Jessie B: You blogs are so well written and funny. I always try to find yours before I read anyone else’s, because I know I can be entertained best by your writing Jessie Bacha. But back to the topic of expectations. I think we all, subconsciously, think about what others will think about ever aspect of our lives. Especially in the morning, haha. That time is the worst, as KTG points out. When we are getting ready for school, we, mostly girls, shred ourselves and point out all our flaws. Trying to correct them with make up and “pretty” clothes.
To Shirely N. : I know what you mean about being paranoid Shirely. I feel like I am constantly being judged. That every move I make is being monitored, not be aliens or Big Brother like normal people, but by the very students of Oakcrest.I feel like people are whispering that I look fat that day, or my clothes are disgusting or in gernal I am lost cause. By best approach is this; ignoring it. I try to sto caring. Of course I can't, but i can atleast zone them out for a few hours and that is all the peace of mind i realy need.
Alex V, I love you. You are too nice.
ReplyDeleteResponse #3 Uroosaaaaa!
ReplyDelete"the important thing is knowing where THEY end and YOU begin"
I love this sooooo sooo much! Sometimes I have to sit back and think about how much I'm letting others opinions affect me. Yes, I wanna be "hip" and "cool" with the way I act, dress, and speak, but I have seen too many people lose themselves in that need to fit in to let it happen to me. Your last line is pretty epic. Everyone should figure that out for themselves.
Deanna:
ReplyDeleteI remember being a little bit confused back in those George L. Hess days when Mr. Cartwright told us that we should care what people think of us. This only contradicted, hmmm let me think, EVERYTHING I had ever learned on the matter. He then elaborated and talked about things like job references and letters of reccomendations. He also pointed out that peoples' perceptions, if constantly skewed towards a certain direction can be a good way to assess oneself and try to improve. I thought baack to this when I read your blog. I agree with you when you say that caring what others think isn't necessarily a bad thing, at least to a certain extent.
Uroooooooosa -"Take my overly exited behavior, which I have because I have come to believe that’s what people expect of me."
ReplyDeleteThat's a really important factor I didn't even think about. Expectations! If people get to know you, they soon have expectations of you and your personality. It sucks. If you're a funny guy and decided to show some deep emotions, people either laugh, or you end up not doing it at all because you're self conscious.
Sarah C - My image is something that I stress about because I like being looked at in a good light. I like to have people say good things about me, but if they don’t it’s not the end of the world. Shit happens"
I too thrive on positive compliments. It's actually something I strive for. They make me feel good..like i'm doing something right. I don't really feel guilty saying this because I know many others must feel the same.
Stephen - "I'm afraid to talk because of stupid reasons like the way my voice sounds or how I look when I speak. I know I shouldn't care about it, but I do."
I HATE PUBLIC SPEAKING. When I go up to give a presentation, even if i'm not nervous, my lip starts to twitch. I can't explain it! I like do this Elvis lip thing and it constantly twitches. All the confidence I had before the presentation just disappears. I remember it happened in Rock's class and I wanted to die. I think that's where it began. haha. I think public speaking, or just speaking out loud in general has a lot to do with our self confidence.
Pooja: "Say if a random person comments on how badly I look, then at first I’ll care. That’s just the fragile person I am. Later, I’ll convince myself that I don’t care and I’ll usually end up forgetting. "
ReplyDeleteHah, I'm the same way, kind of. I wouldn't really care at first, then as I think about it, I would, and then I'd forget and end up not caring. I mean it is a random person that doesn't know you at all, so why should it matter right?
Deanna: "It’s kind of like when a friend is upset with me. I can’t concentrate, I can’t breathe. The evenings are calm but I’m restless. I care. I do."
Again, I am the same way. I hate it when I disappoint or upset someone that I love, especially a close friend because I rely on friends more than anything. I feel horrible. It ruins my day when that happens and I try to do anything to make them happy with me again. I'm glad I haven't had a really close friends upset with me enough for this to happen though.
Roosa: "Yet when I am alone, I find good traits that I like about myself, only to come to school to realize there are insignificant."
You feel that way too? Yeah, whenever I'm sitting alone at home, I think about what I'm good at and all the good things about me. I try not to think about the millions of negatives. When I go to a place with a lot of people, those thoughts are instantly deminished because I constantly compare myself to certain people. Not really always about looks, but personality and intellect. I suddenly feel dumb and boring around others. I don't know if you feel the same, but this sentence conveys what I think a lot.
Jourdan Sayers: I loved how you thought of Psychology when you did this blog. All of your words seem to be so effective, and I agree to the though dot. Obviously there's the outliers who stand out in the experiments, but nonetheless, you're right-- subconciousnly, we care.
ReplyDeleteTaylor Peh-Peh-Palm: You always add the you in your writing (especially with the pshttttt). You're completely right when you said that we all give a damn, and that we all go into our comfort zones. It made me giggle when you mentioned that nobody wants to be 'That girl.' So so so very true.
JV Gonzales: When I read the begininng of this blog, I couldn't help but picture you talking as if were offended or disguisted, like when 'That Freshman Girl' was butts into our conversation. You know, you pull out that whole ghetto face, the 'ew, you boo-zhee' face. Very strong and effective. FIERCE.
No matter who you are, where you come from, or who you want to be, you‘re going to care about other peoples opinions of you. Its almost a necessary transaction of life. I know people that would swear up and down, cross their heart that they are “unique” and could care less if someone didn’t like them. However that brings to mind.. What if no one liked them? Would that person still not care, when they were sitting all alone in their dark room every day of their lives because being seen in public would only result in ridicule? Doubt it.
ReplyDeleteThe more obvious socially-conscious are the people that obsess over superficial things in order for people to view them as ‘pretty’ or ‘nice’. The radicals of this group, provoke diseases within themselves, like body dysmorphic disorder, someone with this disease sees him/herself in exaggerated and almost discombobulated ways. They refuse to go out in public for the fear of being called out on their “ugliness.” But, don’t forget the non-radicals, who try on eight outfits in the morning before school. Who take over and hour fixing their hair, and another hour for makeup. These people seem to focus their energy on the superficial areas, because of societal stereotypes, and the need to fit into them. While this need is usually subconscious, it is most definitely there.
Then there are the “non-conformists.” These iconoclasts will go out of their way to do the opposite of what pop-culture says is cool. Whether they express their ideas through hair styles, clothing, or even speech, they all are just simply placed into a sad box. Iconoclasts are set on being the outcast, but what happens when society accepts them? When this happens, they would care about what people thought.. Because people wouldn’t be thinking of them the same. Therefore, making them just like everyone else.
Spreading like wildfire, a rumor about YOU has just been started. Susie said that John had said that Billy …. You know… No matter which kind of person you are, you are going to get some kind of emotional pull from hearing this. No one wants people to view them in a different way. Even if someone only had one friend, if that friend stopped liking him because of something or someone else, then he’d be upset. Proving that he cares what people think. Going as far as the people who have no one whatsoever; no family, no friends, just a small house in the woods away from society. They still care what people think, however the temptation is somewhat relieved since they are taken out of common situations. However, if someone were to knock on their door and say “So, yea… I was dared to come here and find out if you really were a pedophile who has pictures of all the little boys in our town.” After hearing this, that person would be disgusted and offended! Showing that he cared, because no one is going to put and emotion out for something they don’t care about.
There is no exception to this societal pressure and need to be liked. Even I, have somewhat of a feeling towards others opinions of me. Other peoples perceptions of anyone can create a need of urgency to fit in, and it is important to live and thrive. It’s a sad truth, but a truth at that. No matter who you are, where you came from, or who you want to be, you’re going to care about others opinions of you.
KTG
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you approached this. Yours really stood out to me and I can picture everything you said. Plus I can easily imagine myself in similar situations. My favorite part was the you referred to beautiful days as when you feel best about yourself, not when you neccissarily look your best.
Mar
I agree that some people's opinions should be valued more than other's. You definitely can't just lump everyone together. The girl who laughed at you when you tripped and the teacher who wants to help you cannot be viewed as the same. My mom used to tell me to ignore what other people thought when I was little too. I think everyone goes through stags where they are really weighed down by what others think, though.
Joey R,
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you that you seem to not care what people think. I envy that and wish I didn't care as much as I do. It' a habit that I, unfortunately, don't think I'll ever be able to break. I think it's awesome that you can just ignore everyone nd let yourself be happy!Don't ever begin to worry what people think!
"Wah Wah Wah. Are you going to cry again?" "Oh, that's nice. Your tits are ugly." "What the hell are you here for? We don't need you." "Oh, how I can't wait to go to college to get away from you."
ReplyDeleteWords have an even more powerful strength than a Beretta 391 Semi-Automatic 12 Gauge Shotgun. It's as if these words take people away, and then pow, there's silence, or angry stomping off. Words sting.
There have been many occasions where I have said that I didn't give a damn, and honestly, I didn't give a damn. But there has been even more times where I secretly did give a damn because frankly, nobody wants to start controversy. Everyone wants to be pretty well-liked, I mean, it's not like people don't want to be liked at all. Like Taylor said, "Nobody wants to be "that girl.'". There are people who want to go against conformity, but usually, it's because they want attention. THEY GIVE A DAMN.
The only extent is that I care, if I care about you. If I don't give a damn about you, well, I obviously don't respect you, no?
Joey: That was beautifully said. While your statements are completely true, i cant help but emphasizing how that bullying affected you. You did get upset about it, meaning you put emotion in, because you cared that they were mean.
ReplyDeleteMaryum- I'm glad you mentioned the fact that while physically you don't care what people think, you do intellectually. It's a very honest point especially when speaking towards the AP world. However, by caring how people see your intelligence is caring about society because the "Important" people in your life already know your smart.
KTG- You are an AMAZING PERSON! Everyone has those feel-like-shit days, and i love how no is ever able to tell when your having them. Stay strong, and stay confident. You're voice is consistent and strong throughout your writing. Your honesty was really appreciated.