Warning: You cannot respond to this blog in less than 15 minutes. Manage your time wisely, poppets.
We've been together for...what? Approximately 12 weeks or so, right? So, I think we have reached that point where we can really start to do some introspective reflection. So, although I cannot make you do this, I would like you to minimize all distractions while you think about this blog. Exercise your right to have "You" time, put away your iPods, cell phones and Wii remotes and for the sake of all that's holy--close Facebook!
Every day, you wake up, go through your morning rituals, come to school, do your thing(s), go home, go through your evening rituals and then go to bed. There are obviously some variations to this routine from time to time, and I am not trying to downplay your life in any way by making it sound mundane; that is not the idea here. What I am saying is, that through all of this, these daily activities, rituals and routines people interact with you. They talk to you, refer to you, question you, yell at you, soothe you, talk about you, defer to you or, in some cases, though hopefully not many, ignore you completely. The point is, they KNOW who you are, at least enough to do one or more of the previous things. But, when you stop to think about it, do they really know? And, more importantly, do YOU?
Beyond names, job titles or academic accomplishments, beyond labels given by yourself or by others, beyond traits and hobbies and virtues... who are you? Who are you inside? If you had to write your name, and then your definition, what would it say?(substantive response/50pts)
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What a blog this will be!
ReplyDeleteI am intimidated.
ReplyDeleteI think this response calls for me to hand write my thoughts down first.
ReplyDeleteThis is pushing the limits of personality.
ReplyDeletethis is soooo hard! :/
ReplyDeleteListen Whiny MacWhinersons, suck it up. Yes, it's hard--it's supposed to be hard. This is AP, and even if it wasn't AP, it's Bunje's class; ergo EVERYTHING REQUIRES THOUGHT.
ReplyDeleteGeeezums cheezums.
Hey, I wasn't being a Whiny MacWhinersons!
ReplyDeleteI only have to warn you that I might be a little rambly, but I think I'm always a bit rambly. :)
Hannah Lee Straub: a person with a mixture of personalities containing happy, upset, content, and mad at the same time
ReplyDeleteOn the inside, I feel like I have a few different personalities, not like Sybil where they like take over her or whatever, but one seems to dominate the others at times. It sounds kind of weird but it's true.
-Sometimes my old happy-go-luck middle school self will display and everything is going my way for a little bit and I seem happy.
-Sometimes my last year's personality will show and I will be sad and upset for a day or two.
-Sometimes I will become really mad at my friends for nothing and seem distant from people for a while.
-And then sometimes I will just be content with everything, getting by in school, not too much stress, nothing really bad going on, a few good things here and there.
The reason for this is because honestly when I lost my mom I lost a part of who I was. When I had my mom, she put all those personalities together into the perfect mix to form who Hannah Straub was. Now, I'm pretty much a jumbled mess and I don't know how to act on some days. It's really confusing to me and probably the people around me, too, because I just don't know who I really am. Sure I have labels like soccer player, ap student, and my favorite- “Carl's little sister.” But, none of those things really help to define who I am. I guess the best thing to do for me to complete this blog is to explain each one of my “personalities.”
In middle school, my life was almost perfect. I had a great family, nice house, good grades, friends, and success in sports. Those were some of the best years of my life and because I miss that so much I sometimes try being really happy and friendly just to see if it will make my life any better. In middle school I was finally growing up and gaining the independence I always wanted, well at least thought I wanted.
Last year I gained an extreme amount of independence because I lost my mom. My dad's never here, my brother moved out, and I'm always home by myself. I used to think being home alone was the coolest thing when I was younger, well now it sucks. This happened almost a year ago and right now I'm still dealing with it. Once I start think about the situation, I can't stop and I just go on about it for hours in my head at night. Sometimes when I wake up still thinking about it, it throws off my whole day which is why I may seem sad or upset.
Other days I'm kind of a jerk to my friends for no reason. Well, to those of you who I see every day and hang out with, this may answer your question of why I seem really mad at you some days. This basically only applies to one person in this class, so I hope you read this. Honestly, I'm jealous. Not of their boyfriends or money or anything like those typical teenage girl jealousies. It's because of their families. Every Sunday I have to sit through lunch with three other families that all love each other and have good times together. It makes me mad to know I will never have that until I start my own family. I sit there and watch as the kids hug their moms and joke around with their dads. I start to get really mad at the kids just because I'm jealous of what they have and they don't even realize how lucky they are.
The only days I'm really content or normal is when I'm out doing something, getting my mind off of everything. Then I can be myself and have good times and show the perfect mix of all of those attitudes to everyone. I guess the real me is all of those personalities because I wouldn't be the same Hannah Straub you know today if I didn't show all those four sides of myself.
wow that was long i didnt realize ittttttttttt sorry
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMan... I feel like I did not do it right now.... I was no afraid of this blog at all... It has actually been one of my favorites.... Great, I probably did it wrong. Darn it
ReplyDeleteIn my 9/10 Bunje class today, everyone was talking about how horrible the blog was and how they did not want to answer it. However, I had no idea what the blog was on account that I actually went to bed early and got a good night’s sleep. Anyway, I sort of cheated, or I feel like I did, because I asked someone what the blog was for this week. They did not tell me Ms. Bunje’s little introduction or why this was our blog this week, like Ms. Bunje usually does in that introduction. Instead, they simple finished with their complaining statement and turned to me and said, “Define yourself in one word… like if there was a picture of you in the dictionary, what word would be next to it…” There I began to think.
ReplyDeleteI thought of a few cheesy words and I was done, or so I thought. I am depressing, cynical, protective, secretive, honest, and “tough.” I thought it was silly to have to pick just one word. There are a million words I could use to describe myself. All throughout my Pre Calc class, Ms. QG went over this quiz that I barely passed but I was too focused on trying to figure out why Ms. Bunje wanted us to use one word, just one. More words erupted into the four walls of my brain. I am energetic, ADD, easily amused, humble, quiet, and logical…. For the most part. I thought that I had found enough words to describe myself but it did not feel right. Still choosing one of these words seemed pointless. None of them described me completely. I continued to think….
The rest of my day continued and I tried to push it out of my mind until I actually had four walls filled with silence. After peeling potatoes, playing mindless games of bejeweled blitz, texting my boyfriend, checking my farm on Farmville, and deciding whether I wanted to do Powder Puff football or not, I decided to head up to my room to escape the routine of my life and actually think of this question. However, seconds after laying my head on my pillow did I think of a word that completely summed up my whole life. A word that would describe every action my body did, every word that muttered from my mouth, and every experience that I held important. Cautious
It all became very clear to me. I only do or say things when I feel safe about them and I remember situation where I was not cautious and I got hurt in the end. Maybe those are the situations that taught me to be the way that I am. Because I am so cautious, I constant second guess myself and hold back things because I just am not sure. I sit quietly in the corner, in most cases, because that is where I feel safe.
ReplyDeleteThe clouds moved from in front of my eyes and I remembered clear experiences when I held something back just because I was not sure. Whether I did not answer a question because I was afraid of what people would think of my response or whether I was just afraid of being wrong because people can be so cruel and taunt me for it.
Going deeper inside of me, I noticed that I am completely cautious with life, everything in it. I am cautious to not only speak and move, but to forgive anyone, trust anyone, love anyone, comfort anyone, and even look at anyone. My whole life I spend trying to protect myself from the pain I was given and the agony that my body dripped. Through my past experiences, I actually grew scared of a lot of things and the fear just grew and grew until it became a part of my life. I just started to expect despair, pain, and disappointment.. It is who I am.
So, if I had to define myself, it would go something like this.….
Stephanie A. Willman- A frightened girl who fears the world around her and continuously waits for pain to come her way
Introspection inspection.
ReplyDeletePS--I never said your definition had to be one word, sillyfaces.
ReplyDeleteThere have been two major transitions in my life, two categories of time that I believe I can draw an imaginary line from my “early years” to when I became the “me” I am today. I use to value people’s opinions, go to exhausting lengths in order to fit in, and essentially become someone I wasn’t even remotely like inside. I have abandoned all attempts from the large transition in my life, I call 8th grade. This is when I believe I started to define myself as a person- the incontrovertible pros and cons of not just my personality but the definition of myself.
ReplyDeleteThough I have tried my hardest to fit it, failed, tried a different way, given up, and lived my life accordingly I haven’t ever really strayed from who I really am. There have been substantial changes in my life such as hobbies or how I act differently around a person I like, just many other changes to stimuli but I believe overall I have stayed true to how I believe the definition of myself holds accurate. If I were a warning label on the side of a Lysol can it would say- “Aloof, has considerate problems accepting himself and others, often hatred encumbers his sight of people, lack of ability to being serious.” Now that is what I see in myself as cons, the deep down blatant truth that I believe defines me as a person. Now if I were the directions on a bottle of fancy rejuvenating bottle of shampoo obviously- “Often is optimistic about some things in life, I must be able to express my thoughts and feelings through music and poetry, I accept people and are nice to people who are nice to me first.” I find myself, even if they are not people I don’t really know, liking them immediately if they are pleasant to me. I think this is an extra insecurity of fitting in left over. I believe I have defined myself within two sections, pros and cons. Together they make a person, with extremities, feelings, both good and bad. Within the constructive workings of society I believe I am myself, no matter what outside things that change the hobbies I do or the people I interact with, I believe I have not changed as a person.
Uno
ReplyDeleteOkay, so after our discussion in class today, I've been enlightened. I've never been the type of person who "got into" things. By this I guess I mean that I've never really been dedicated. It's sad. I'm sure you've all seen those Disney Channel movies about the football player or figure skater who did nothing but think about that sport or hobby and eventually have a happy ending because they won the championship or something. That is not me. That will never be me. You have no idea how much trouble that has gotten me into, but after today's discussion, I realized that maybe it's as good as it is bad. (Or maybe I'm just looking at the glass half full.) So, after my reading my previous blogs, most of you all would maybe define me as this artsy little girl who loves to draw and do nothing but draw (since I mention drawing in many of the other blogs). At first I thought that this was who I could be defined as, but I see things differently.
Let me explain more. As much as I love drawing, and as happy as it makes me, my life is not centered on it. Who I am does not depend on what I do.
BAM! My arms get chopped off. I can't draw anymore. (I've always thought about this. haha) So, I move onto something else. Maybe I could instruct in character design or be the art director for movies, but whatever I switch to, I myself would not change. I'm at the point in my life where I can proudly say who I am. Who am I?
Due
ReplyDeleteI'm someone who laughs and jokes at the most serious times. I am the person who scrapes their knee and even though it hurts like a bitch, I say I am okay. I am a person who can be screamed at and yelled to their face, but still can be seen trying to hold in their tears. I am a person who constantly changes their mind, but deep down knows what they want. I am never serious. I am literally an animated character. I joke around at the most serious of times and when shoved down, always bounce back and laugh to avoid embarrassment and help ease emotional pain. I take life as a constant thrill and act as if I’m always in an amusement park enjoying every moment. I am always brewing up and getting out of trouble for fun. I remind myself of some kind of new aged Dennis the Menace!
Sure, I get into my moods. When I’m unhappy I can be very serious and deep, and when angry I can be harsh and relentless, but that’s not who I really am. What’s written above is who I really am.
I feel as if I should write more, but honestly that’s all there is to me. I wouldn’t call myself simple, but I wouldn’t call myself complex either.
I think no matter what happens in my life, I’ll always remain this way. Even if I get lost along the way, who I really am will always bubble back up to the surface. It’s just who I am. I am me. I am Katie G. (check out that rhyming action! Seuss would be proud.)
Part One:
ReplyDeleteI know this is going to be hard. Looking into yourself and defining yourself and figuring out that if everything was pretty much taken from you, would you still be you? Deep shit.
My dad today at dinner said I’m not a deep person, he is right. I don’t look into why things happened, just that they happen and whatever happens, happens. I learn from them and move on. That is the easy way, just like saying “I don’t know”. I don’t know how or why I am the way I am, just that I’m Megan Sherman, but I’m going dig deep into my mind, body, and soul and figuring who I am if I didn’t have any help.
My life has always been about my friends and sports and family. But it take over my life, I take them all intervals. So what I’m saying is, take one away, would I still be Megan Sherman, the compassionate, cautious, paranoid, worrisome, loving, caring, putting other people first, person? If I became paralyzed and couldn’t play soccer anymore, yes, I would cry and say “Why God?” but soccer isn’t all I have going for me. It is a skill I love and am trying to master, and it clears my head and I’m blessed to be able to have it in my life. But it doesn’t shape me into the person I am. Yes, I want to play in college, but I don’t want to make it my profession. I want to be a teacher, and I can sit in a wheel chair and be a teacher.
Now, take away my friends and family, I would, one, not be here (you need parents to exist), but especially without my friends I would be a totally different person. My friends are my life, they aren’t a privilege, and they are a life. We do and tell each other everything. Their personalities and what they do made me who I am today. But I probably help them do the same with the type of person I am. So I carry a piece of them and they hold a piece of me. But if they were taken away, I would be probably fake and also shy. I care a lot about what people, but I don’t have to worry when I’m with my friends. So if they were gone, I would be a thousand times more paranoid then I already am and I would defiantly be shy and I would hold back.
Taking away everything that is important to me, would make Megan Sherman shy and fake and phony. Yes, I would still be compassionate and paranoid and I would be cautious and caring, but let’s add fake. That saddens me that my definition of myself is based on what other people think. Yes, before I made my friends I acted certain until I felt comfortable to be my obnoxious and bubbly self. But I did that because I cared what they thought I didn’t want them to see me as weird.
Part Two:
ReplyDeleteI just had a realization that I’m a fake person, if I know something about my friend, I won’t tell them because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict. If I meet someone new I’m more reserved and I won’t be as corny, I won’t be myself. I would completely different if you took away my safety blanket; my friends. Wow, I’m fake, and sometimes to them to benefit myself and to make other people happy. Well, shouldn’t I be happy? I mean I am happy, I do avoid conflict and that is always good, but when I meet new people I’m paranoid and I’m fake. I think I’ll do my best to change. I just joined a new soccer team and I don’t think I’ve said a word to anyone because my friend is there on the team. I don’t want to be fake anymore. If I know something about my friend that needs to be address, I’m going to address it. If it hurts them, sometimes being honest hurts, but they should know what I see and what other people say behind their back.
So I dug deep into myself and I don’t like what I see on the inside. Yes on the outside I’m the nice, compassionate, bubbly, optimistic, person that I want you all to see and like. But inside I’m still that; I want to please everyone, but I’m fake when I do it. Don’t get me wrong, I still like myself, minus this new found trait; fake. Take away all my safety blankets and people who know me, and I’m nothing. When it comes down to it, take away everything that makes us comfortable, wouldn’t we do and say whatever it takes to get it back? So I’m fake and phony, but I’m happy (oxymoron to the extreme), but I’ll work on what I can to be happy inside and out, and real.
P.s: This all really doesn’t make sense in its entirety; it is full of contradictions and oxymorons. But it is just my thought process and how I went from “Oh, I’m good, I would still be me, with or without soccer or my friends” to someone who is unsure and has something to change.
Stephanie: I am just like that, very cautious. Everything I do, I double check on and make sure it makes everyone else happy.
ReplyDeleteI have a problem.
KTG: I am kind of like you too, I make jokes about things that are serious, because I don't want to deal with them for its seriouness. I would rather be happy and smile.
I have a problem.
Hannah: I think it's good you can find the root of the problem. But in some ways we're all jealous of each other. We are all mixed up people with multi-personalities, so its good you can admit it and you can deal with everything. It will add a new trait to your list: strong.
Part 1
ReplyDeleteI never knew that a blog could frighten me to this extent. I read this prompt, about two days ago, yet I could not gather my thoughts so that I could articulate an answer. Who am I? That is a question that has haunted me many nights. As I tossed and turned in my bed, reliving even the most trifle events of my day, I often ask myself; why do I act the way I do? Why am I the way I am? (Wow, a little too Eminem for me)
For the last two days, all I have thought about is this question. If someone asked for the definition of Uroosa, the definition of the true core inner being of me, what would I say? I wish it was Uroosa Ara Zeb- a likeable person, who always attempts to be kind (kind, not nice) to everyone around her.
Yet, I know that I can not be defined so simply or even so sweetly. The truth is that, Uroosa (if it were in the dictionary) would be one of those words that had several meanings (I think they are called homonyms). I am not trying to insinuate that I am mysterious, “complex”, or even interesting. I, simply, am just Uroosa. An average emotional teenage girl.
People at school would probably describe me as talkative, loud, and happy, often to the point of being annoying. If you have read my previous blogs, you know how far from the truth that is. For a while, I let THEIR definitions define me. I attempted to become everything they believed I was. What they wanted me to be. A while ago, I must sadly admit, my definition was a knock-off.
Now, I have begun to rediscover who I truly am.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteUroosa Zeb-(A-roo-saa zaa-eb) noun. A very easily angered, loving, female who has a knack for talking. Basically I am a contradiction, most of the time. I am passionate about almost everything. I love life, yet often I am angry at the world, and everyone in it. Silence scares me. Silence, in my cuckoo head, symbolizes judgment. Silence symbolizes anger, hatred. Not talking to me is ignoring me. Oddly, one of the worst things someone can do is ignore me. To me, that means that they have deemed me insignificant.
Uroosa Zeb-(A-roo-saa zaa-eb) noun. A person who relays strongly on her personality. I will never be that beautiful girl, the stunner everyone can’t help but like or compare themselves to. (Please, don’t comment on this line. I don’t need anyone to tell me different. Believe me, I am not asking for a pity party or a self esteem booster. This was just important factor in why I am me.) I realized this fact a long time ago, so I devised a master plan. I would have a beautiful personality. A personality that will force people to view me as beautiful. A personality that represented my inner being so magnificently that it would make up for my lack of beauty.
Uroosa Zeb-(A-roo-saa zaa-eb) noun. A scared little girl. Like everyone else, I have had my share of problems, nothing really big. However, even the smallest of events can affect you in the biggest of ways. I am always afraid. Afraid of not being accepted. Afraid of being left alone. Afraid that when things are going good, the bottom will fall out. These fears have shaped me to be the person I am. Due to these fears, I am mistrusting of people and often, all the good things that happen to be. I am so afraid, that I can not enjoy those blissful events.
A person is a mere reflection of his/her own acts. Due to these mentioned facets of me, I act the way I do on a daily basis. All those definitions add up to make me Uroosa Zeb. The good, the bad, and the sometimes annoying.
Okay, I dont know if I answered this right. It just kind off turned into a ramble. Sorry. :(
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ReplyDelete0|\|3:!!!
ReplyDeleteALIXANDRA LESZCZYNSKI (NOUN) (al-lick-zan-dra less-chin-ski)
- A girl who does not fear the worst, but expects it.
- A girl who wants nothing more than to love, and to be loved in return.
- A girl who is always on a quest for herself, and is usually very surprised at where she ends up finding pieces of it.
- Characterized by high standards, low expectations, and a year round love of Christmas music.
- Synonyms: laughter, fragility, hope
BREAKDOWN:
I guess I will go through my definition piece by piece, since that is what a breakdown is…
First and foremost, here is an explanation of the spelling and pronunciation of my name. As most people know (but some do not) I am LEGALLY Alexandra. Yes, without the I. (freaky, right?) I HATE how the letter E looks in my name. It is just so, well, boring. I first decided to “change” my name to an I in fourth grade. There were five Alex’s in my class, and I felt as if I got “lost in the crowd”. I decided that I was a different person than them, and that I deserved to differentiate from them, so upon my own accord, I changed my name. Also, I have always pronounced my name AL-LICKS instead of AL-LEX, as most people pronounce it. Then there is the pronunciation of my last name. I LOVE my heritage and I adore my last name. I know it is a bit tricky to say at first glance, but I like being called on by the proper pronunciation because it just does not feel right when I get called LEZ-ZIN-SKI, or LA-CHIN-SKI. (LE-SEXY is an acceptable variation though.)
Now into the deep stuff.... I expect that I’m going to fail the test, no matter how much I study. I expect that people are going to dislike me, no matter how much I like them. I expect that I’m going to lose, no matter how hard I practice. Call me a pessimist, call me what ever you like, but I expect the worst out of every situation. For me, it is a coping mechanism. When I expect the worst to happen, and come to terms with it before it even occurs, I can bounce back much faster when the worst actually DOES happen. Conversely, when the worst doesn’t happen, I am even happier and more grateful than I would be if I had expected the good things to happen. Some people would say that I’m setting myself up for failure when I expect it….and they would be right. But it’s just the way I am. I do not fear the worst, but I expect it.
+\/\/0000!!!
ReplyDeleteI need love. I need friends. I need to be praised. I need to win. I need companionship. Without those things, I crumble. I put my all into the things I love, so I pray for the same amount of dedication, or love in return. For example, with friends I try to be there for them every second, comfort them, and encourage them. When I don’t get the same in return from them, like when they don’t even realize how much I give to them, it tears me apart. I feel empty because I gave all I can, but I feel like I’m not good enough for them to love in return. With activities, such as Band I need to be “loved” in return by winning. “Winning isn’t everything, blah, blah, blah.” When you put as much into something as I do into band, it is. That is why I am there. I spend hours memorizing music and charts. I help anyone I can to improve the show, and I act as a leader for my section. When we go to a competition and we score low it feels almost the same as when a friend hurts me. I want nothing more than to love, and to be loved in return.
I have no clue who I am. I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to, since I’m a teenager (the age of “self-discovery”), but it’s still annoying. I don’t know my purpose, I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I don’t know who I really am inside. Naturally, when humans don’t know something as important as themselves, they search for answers. That is exactly what I do. Where I find the most vital things about myself though, tend to be much more surprising than the things themselves. Whether it involves a person I never even thought would hold an important part of my life, if it is a result of a conflict that I never thought would have happened in a million years, or in a place that held nothing of significance to me at all previously, I’m always surprised by myself. In no way am I upset about the fact that my sources are so obscure, it actually adds a bit more excitement to my life. I am always on a quest for myself, and am usually very surprised at where I end up finding pieces of it.
I have high standards for the people and things around me, as is expressed in my theory of love. But when it comes to these people and things, I always have low expectations, which ties into my expectation of the worst. Maybe someday someone will meet my standards AND overly exceed my expectations. Until that person comes along though, I will just sit back, fill that void with Carol of the Bells, and keep searching for myself.
I am laughter, I am fragility, and I am hope. I am Alixandra Leszczynski.
In a nutshell I am:
ReplyDelete-Jessie Bacha (jehs-ee back-uh): noun, sixteen-year-old female who is generally wary, thoughtful, and deferential though possesses a lighthearted and passionate side that occasionally bubbles to the surface
Wariness and thoughtfulness, for starters, are qualities that, hand-in-hand, permeate my being (although I try to be a thoughtful person in the thoughtful-means-considerate sense, as in “She’s so thoughtful, always bringing extra lunch for her hungry friends”, I’m referring to thoughtful in the “carefully thought out” sense). I have difficulty making even the simplest decisions without stepping back and mentally exploring every option, weighing the pros and cons, and worrying over which to choose. Because I’m wary, worried about making a poor choice, I think things through to a flaw. Case in point: I spent so much time last marking period stressing over what book to choose for a book review in Cervi’s class and where I should get the book (cheap-but-used on Ebay, free-but-can’t-keep-it at the library, cheap-plus-shipping from Amazon.com, expensive-but-without-shipping at Boarders) that I eventually ended up picking out a book in Borders a week before the review was due and paying way more than I should have for it. Darn!
I also tend to be wary in new situations, too nervous to simply reach out and embrace new circumstances, new friends, new possibilities… which brings me to my next defining characteristic: deference. This quality manifests itself in various ways depending on the situation at hand. For example, in most social situations I am, simply put, passive. It’s not that I don’t have an opinion or that I totally fear expressing myself; I‘m just naturally inclined to try to avoid confrontation. Don’t get me wrong, if something serious is going on or I have a strong opinion on a matter, I’m going to speak up. I’m just not the girl whose antics constantly, purposely shift the crowd’s focus to her. Other times, deference manifests itself as simple acceptance of whatever life decides to throw at me. For example, one day during the NJ State 4H Horseshow (which I was thrilled to qualify for this year), the heavens opened up and it rained, creating wet show horses and huge puddles and relegating many of the classes to the indoor arena. I probably did curse the previous day’s overly optimistic weatherman once or twice, but I didn’t linger on the issue. I just put a protective cover over my velvet show helmet, threw on a poncho, and dealt with it. The final expression of deference is taken a bit to the extreme. Sometimes, I’m not merely deferential; I’m also asocial. I stay on the fringe of society, finding solace in the natural world (the sound of crickets in the evening, watching birds pluck crabapples from a tree that I can see in study hall, spending far more time in the barn than at the movies or mall with friends). Good? To an extent. Bad? Ditto. Definitively me? Definitely.
Despite my more introverted characteristics, I do have a more lighthearted side that shows itself occasionally. I’m rarely especially jovial at school, but with my family I can even be goofy. Sometimes when Mom and I are doing something together I will burst out laughing for no apparent reason. I’m also passionate, a characteristic embodied in my sport of choice. I ride with unbridled passion. Obviously, I love the sport, but there’s something beyond having fun. There’s an intangible beauty in unity between horse and rider, in the ability to understand an animal’s signals through his body language and the feelings received as a rider via hands, legs, seat, and pure intuition as well as the capability, as the rider, to “talk” back. Magic. But passion doesn’t just imbue my love of riding. While, as I mentioned earlier, I tend to be passive, I am passionate about the issues that really matter to me, such as animal welfare.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first tried to define myself, a million words popped into my mind. However, after much thought, I choose the above qualities by putting myself, hypothetically, on a deserted island. There, I would have no one to impress and nothing to do but survive. Unlike other qualities based solely on others’ and my own judgments and/or the conventions of society, “book-smart” and “not-so-beautiful” for example, wariness, thoughtfulness, deference, passion, and lightheartedness would still define me in such a place. I would be wary and thoughtful in matters of survival, finding food and avoiding harm, for instance. I would, most likely, accept my situation and do my best to survive rather than whine constantly. Furthermore, I would be able to fit a bit of lightheartedness and passion in somewhere, perhaps by chuckling at the antics of wild animals on the island. Whatever the case, the important part is I would still be the me that these qualities represent even without society’s influence.
Alix:
ReplyDelete“I have no clue who I am…. I don’t know my purpose, I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I don’t know who I really am inside.”
I can definitely empathize. On top of dealing with the rigors of adolescence and trying to enjoy/survive high school, we teenagers are forced to look ahead. Guidance counselors are asking about career ideas, college is looming on the horizon as the next huge decision for many, and we’re beginning to contemplate the next leg of our journeys through life. Meanwhile, few of us fully understand our inner selves. I really liked your approach to self-discovery, though--how you learn more about yourself through seemingly obscure occurrences. On a side note, I also loved when you mentioned your “year round love of Christmas music”! My brother and my cousin have a real thing for Christmas; I love the holiday as much as, maybe more than, the next girl, but those two are obsessed. They do their best to carry Christmas spirit and traditions through the year, keeping a running Christmas list, always counting the days to Christmas, and allowing no month to go by without one of them playing Christmas music from ITunes loud enough for the whole house to hear.
Uroosa:
ReplyDelete“…so I devised a master plan. I would have a beautiful personality. A personality that will force people to view me as beautiful. A personality that represented my inner being so magnificently that it would make up for my lack of beauty.”
I’m not going to comment on the “lack of beauty” part (“Please, don’t comment on this line. I don’t need anyone to tell me different….”), however, I really like the idea of a “beautiful personality”. I picture your personality like a free-spirited, elegant, colorful butterfly…. But anywho, I think everyone can achieve and should strive for having a “beautiful personality”. It’s a purer goal than physical beauty and says so much more about a person’s character, plus no makeup required!
People who interact with me daily have a vague idea of who I really am. Tall, lean, light brown hair, soft-spoken, clumsy, etc., etc. However, these are only physical traits. What do they mean in the grand scheme of things, anyway?
ReplyDeleteLauren Michelle Day: noun
The world’s biggest contradiction.
I am not afraid of the dark, spiders, flying, being kidnapped or home alone, leaving my window open when I go to sleep at night, or keeping the door unlocked all of the time, but I am afraid of failing, being anything less than perfect, pain, disappointing people, disappointing myself, losing, and that my best isn’t good enough.
I like to dress up and look nice for school, but I hate materialistic people. I’m very opinionated toward certain subjects, but have no opinion on others. I like to cook, but have no patience. I hate when things don’t look perfect, but I feel like my life is a mess. I want to fall in love, but I’m afraid of getting hurt. I want people to trust me, but I have trouble trusting others. I always say how I can’t wait to get out of high school, but I’ve grown to enjoy my time at The Oak. I also say I don’t want to go to college, but it’s only because I don’t want the responsibility of choosing a school. I’m awful at making decisions, but get annoyed when people can’t pick something. I can be the nicest person in the world, or the biggest bitch you’ve ever met.
I’m the fine line between opposing sides, and I like it this way. I don’t want to know who I am. I would rather be mysterious and unpredictable, surprising other people and myself all of the time.
Alix:
ReplyDeleteI am laughter, I am fragility, and I am hope. I am Alixandra Leszczynski.
This describes you so well! I love reading your blogs because you always effortlessly tie everything together in the end. If someone said they have high standards, but low expectations, I would be so confused. However, the way you explained it was crystal clear. I also agree with your mocking of “winning isn’t everything.” It definitely is. It’s almost a waste to put everything you have into a sport/hobby/activity and then lose. Whoever said that obviously never won anything.
Steph:
I hate how you are living in fear. You are so kind and intelligent and should be living to the fullest! One of my sisters is afraid of most things, petrified actually. I see how cautiously she lives and I feel sorry that doesn’t experience some things because she is too afraid to try them. Don’t waste your time hiding… go experience the world!
KTG:
When you wrote about the end of your drawing career if your arms were chopped off, I started thinking. If any one of my body parts fell off or didn’t work how they are supposed to, I couldn’t swim anymore. So, I guess we can’t define ourselves by the things we do, only by how we react to different situations. Your blog made me realize that there is more to life than swimming, and that I need to balance how I spend my time. Thanks for initiating my revelation!
P.S. Being a new aged Dennis the Menace sounds awesome!!
I’d love to think my friends know me because if they don’t, who are they friends with besides my body? Okay, awkward wording but the meaning is still there. I’ve recently realized around different people, I am different. I don’t mean to be, I am still Kristie but I see myself shining different traits at different times. I know what makes me… Nothing makes me more happy than seeing my friends happy, cheering is pointless yet makes all the sense in the world to me, fashion intimidates me but triggers something inside of me that I want to explore. I know what I stand for, what I want, what I love… I know who I am.
ReplyDeleteKristie – stubborn cheerleader who sets out to prove herself, fireballs may occasionally fly from head area when angered (and very easily angered), wants to give up but never does, cannot wait to become something other than another frightened girl.
Inside I’m more than organs working together to create heartbeats and thoughts. I want too much and I care too much, but that’ll remain a secret between you and I. I put my all into things and I am easily hurt which leads to my desperation to not care whatsoever. I crave for big things in my future and I stare at the bigger picture but end up suffocating by the past. I want way too much to be the popular, cool girl and I sometimes can’t really find myself.
I like who I am, on most days. Though I have found myself to love words and putting them together in ways I never thought I’d enjoy, I can’t find enough of them to describe me to the tee. I am Kristie Lynn Aaron, future owner of the biggest fashion magazine there was, current student that is afraid just like everyone else of disappointment, occasional jerk to those cared for most, spoiler of some of the best things that come this way and confused teenager of how to live this life.
Hannah
ReplyDeleteI like your reference to Sybil. ☺ I think everyone’s personality changes depending on what’s going on in the world around us. I don’t think any of us know who we really are yet.
Stephanie
I hope you feel same in 9/10 and don’t hold anything back. You are a great person, no one in our class would ever judge you for anything you say in class. I know how you feel about fearing the world around you. Though I used to fear different things than you do, it is so unsettling, I hope one day you can over come your fear.
Dylan
If I were a warning label on the side of a Lysol can it would say- “Aloof, has considerate problems accepting himself and others, often hatred encumbers his sight of people, lack of ability to being serious.”
I thought your reference to a Lysol bottle was clever. I think I’ve said this to you before, but I envy how comfortable you are in your own skin. Its great that you have something like poetry that you are passionate about.
Hannah S - I probably should have read your before I wrote mine because the part where you explained different personalities is so similar to me. Like I was saying with acting different around different people, I find my moods changing as easy as what day it is. No PMSing, no attitude for the fun of it or anything that most people would use to explain those days - it just happens. And I honestly think you're too hard on yourself. I don't want to get all sappy because I can text you for that, but you really are one of the sweetest people I know and your company alone is something that makes it so easy to like you.
ReplyDeleteUroooooooosa - I absolutely love your writing and the way you defined yourself. "The good, the bad, and the sometimes annoying." Isn't that what makes everyone? :) I couldn't help the smiley face because I love how you attacked yourself for all qualities that make my favorite person that is never in Spanish class. You're a great person, though, and don't lose that in answering this question.
Steph W - I wish you saw yourself like I do, or anyone does. Your simple definition may be correct, as most teenagers and even adults nowadays, but even from a distance I know you're more than that. I was talking to my boyfriend last night and I said something like "yeah, before you hate me because that always happens..." and I'm honestly waiting for something bad to happen even though I didn't mean to. I think if you wait for pain, you'll definitely get it and it'll hit you hard but if you live how you want to regardless of what may come your way with knowledge both good and bad will end up in your direction, you'll see it's not so bad, the life you live, and you'll realize that you're more than you let yourself see.
ReplyDeleteI have NO idea who I am. I think I change all the time. Last year I was a completely different person, with different dreams and goals. There are a few goals I have that have never change, like getting goad grades, and getting the hell out of jersey. I don’t even know what I want to be when I grow up; teacher or pharmacist.
ReplyDeleteWhen I dig deep inside my self I feel conflicted. I am a passionate person, yet sometimes I’m a bitch. There are some people I don’t even know for whom my heart bleeds for just by looking at them. There are other people who I see wining or complaining and the first though I think is, ‘omg! Just get over yourself!’
Sometimes I am completely paranoid. I fear stupid things like, I’ll hear an airplane and think that they will drop bombs. When I go on a plane, suddenly every person around me is a terrorist. I’ll get in my car alone and check every inch of the back seat, to make sure there is no crazy person in the back waiting to kill me.
If my name were in the dictionary it would read:
Alexandria Nikolinos- A paranoid girl afraid of the world. Doesn’t know who she is or who she even wants to be.
Alix - But it’s just the way I am. I do not fear the worst, but I expect it.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way, but sometimes it's awesome to be this way! I just got back my math test and I thought, "oh, geeze...this will be bad."
but it was actually a really good grade! Expecting the worst is cool when the best things happen because everything is full of nice surprises most times. I don't know what I'm saying! haha!
I am Kaitlin Hare, the world’s leading expert on everything you could ever know about Kaitlin Hare. However, not even I could tell you everything about her. Not even I know everything there is to know about Kaitlin Hare, but am still learning. I’ve only been studying Kaitlin Hare for sixteen years and have hopefully many more years to further explore her.
ReplyDeleteLet’s start with the simple. Kaitlin Hare, a laid back, calm teenage girl with a “go with the flow” kind of attitude. She tends to have an “I don’t care” kind of view and isn’t very opinionated on many subjects (I can see Bunje cringing... Sorry!). She hates making decisions and would rather have other people make them for her. She loves funny, interesting people because she sees herself as boring and uninteresting. She loves to laugh and just have a good time because she thinks that life is just too short to be stressing out and doing something you don’t love. Don’t waste a minute.
Now let’s dive in. Kaitlin Hare, a girl with a lot of emotions. She can be sensitive, although acts like a brick wall. She doesn’t express her emotions often because she thinks it makes her appear vulnerable and weak. Although she’s insecure, she puts on a confident front to give herself a false feeling of being completely in control and strong. She likes to surround herself with people she cares about, but she tends to feel like she cares more about those people than they will ever care about her. She likes to be reassured that people honestly care about her because she doubts people a lot.
Kaitlin Hare, a girl full of fears and just wants to succeed. Her greatest fears include any extreme amount of pain or anything that in her mind represents pain, such as needles. Even more significant than that is her fear of dying before she gets the opportunity to achieve what she want to in life. She dreams of graduating college, getting a job she loves, making money, living in her dream home, and starting a family with the man she falls in love with. This brings her to her last fear, never finding someone to spend her life with. She has high standards and fears that she’s set the bar too high, but doesn’t want to lower her standards because of the fear of never being completely happy.
Now that we’re starting to get complex, there are different sides of Kaitlin. Some people see the shy side while others see her outgoing side. Some people see her as driven and motivated while others see her as a lazy bum. Which describes the true Kaitlin? Well both. She is extremely shy around people she doesn’t know, trying to see how she should act to fit in. On the other hand, she is outgoing around her family and closest friends, not afraid to be herself. She’s driven and motivated when she cares about something, but a lot of the time just wants to act like a bum and lay on the couch, watching TV all day. She loves to just relax and take time to herself because sometimes she just needs a break from the world to sit back and take a look as everything goes by so quickly. She finds herself reminiscing on the good times and tries to avoid thinking of the bad.
All in all, Kaitlin Hare is only the true Kaitlin Hare around her family and closest friends. She’s not always completely herself in public places around people she don’t know. She saves the real Kaitlin Hare for the people who she knows will appreciate and respect it and until you’re one of those people, you probably will never even get to see remotely close to the true her, despite the realness of this blog. To put a simple definition next to Kaitlin Elizabeth Hare is close to impossible since there’s still so much more to learn to add to it. A book on Kaitlin Hare with this included, as well as additional entries on new discoveries, would be more appropriate. I’m hoping to have this definition perfected before I die, but if I had to muster up something now it’d be:
Kaitlin Hare: a teenage girl full of fears, emotions, and desires that is still being investigated
Alex N: I know you had trouble trying to decipher who you really are because I did to, but I wish you would’ve written more to further explain more about yourself. I definitely learned more about you but wish you would’ve dove a little deeper into yourself.
ReplyDeleteKristie: “I’d love to think my friends know me because if they don’t, who are they friends with besides my body?” I have to say while reading your blog, it made me truly feel like I know you. You’ve told me all this before through our numerous friendly and deep conversations so no worries, I’m friends with the real you, not just your body. :)
Lauren: “I don’t want to know who I am. I would rather be mysterious and unpredictable, surprising other people and myself all of the time.” I appreciated your outlook on this topic. I question who I am a lot. Why do I do the things I do? Why do I act the way I act? Your outlook offered me another perspective. Maybe it’s good not to know the reasons behind it, but to just take each action as something shocking and exciting.
To Lauren: Your blog was so beautifully written. I always make sure to read your blogs because of your unique writing style. They are so amusing and fun. I could pick out your blog amongst hundreds ( okay, that was an exaggeration, I am not that good, but at least out of 55ish).Now, back to your blog.It really got me thinking.I can really relate to what you said about being a contradiction. No matter how "real" we intend to me, somewhere along the lines, even our opinions become confused.
ReplyDeleteP.S. You are one of the best people I know. Its virtually impossible for you to be a bitch.
To Kristie A : Dediego Forever !!! :)
ReplyDeleteWho am I? To answer that question you first have to figure out what it's asking. Is a person defined by their actions, or are their actions dictated by the person? By actions I not only mean what we do, say, think, and feel but also how we do it. I am a sensitive, kind, insecure, compassionate, love needing yet love deprived, smart, politically polarized teenager. Are these things who I am, or just parts of me? When we look at other people we only see parts of who they really are, the pieces they decide to show the rest of the world. So when we look introspectively its hard to see past the fragmented view others hold towards ourselves. I am a unique individual, a whole person, not a bunch pieces. I follow my own path, so how can I use the labels others have created to accurately define myself? The answer is simple, paint a picture of your uninhibited soul.
ReplyDeleteI run to safety in a sprawling, open field. Wildflowers speckle the incredibly green horizon like splashes of ink thrown mistakenly across a formerly spotless piece of paper. A stream cuts through the field, crystal clear water flowing continuously. The water encounters many boulders, jetties, and debris on its journey, but always finds a way around. Even when surrounded by this beauty I sit there by the stream and cry. In the openness there are so many things lacking and no one to share time with. Storm clouds roll in from the distant yet inescapable horizon and I'm forced to continue running on my journey.
Interpretation: I come from a place that causes me nothing but problems, yet I keep an open mind. I often feel guilty for things that I should not feel guilty for. I am totally set in my ways, and nothing is ever changing that. I'm hit with bouts of despondency when I realize how alone I am here in South Jersey. My problems and doubts are always on my mind and are often the source of my worry and unhappiness. This is a general statement about who I am because a person is a very complex organism, everything about them cannot be said in one sitting. These character traits are what cause the previously stated outputs of my personality. Sensitivity, insecurity, love needy, kindness, compassion are all what the world sees in me, but what they fail to see is the internal conflicts that causes my personality, or in other words, the why, which is the real me.
The problems of my past have caused me to be overly sensitive and insecure about my problems of today. I have a strong need for love because I have so little in my life right now. I am kind and compassionate because I never want anyone to suffer like I have. Yes I have let everything get to me, because that has made me who I am. Though the path to "me" has been hard I love where it is going.
KTG
ReplyDelete"As much as I love drawing, and as happy as it makes me, my life is not centered on it. Who I am does not depend on what I do."
I think it's totally normal to not be completely centered around one thing. Those Disney Channel original movies are obviously not the most realistic interpretation of humanity. I know I love so many different things, and that causes me a lot of confusion sometimes because we're always told we need to have a clear idea of what we want to do. I honestly have no idea what I want to do! Its good that you have several back ups in case your arms get chopped off! Haha. Also your funny personality is so great! You always can make the people around you happier, even if you aren't trying!
Alix L
ReplyDelete"For me, it is a coping mechanism. When I expect the worst to happen, and come to terms with it before it even occurs, I can bounce back much faster when the worst actually DOES happen. Conversely, when the worst doesn’t happen, I am even happier and more grateful than I would be if I had expected the good things to happen."
I do the exact same thing. I'm really not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I figure that the lower expectations you hold the less disappointed you'll be. Everyone does it to a certain extent, but when you do it as much as we do I think it says a lot about our personality. I can't speak for you, but for me I know it's rooted in my insecurity and lack of confidence.
KTG: Loved your blog. I can relate to a lot of the things you do, minus being able to slip out of trouble, not my strong point. =] I, like you, say it doesn't hurt when it does and hold back from sobbing and crying when I'm yelled at, but then again I think a lot of people do. I, however, don't think I won't change. You used your arms chopped off example to say that you wouldn't change because what you do doesn't exactly shape you, which is good cause I like the KTG I'm getting to know, but I think that if that happened to me, I would change a LOT. Maybe you're just stronger than me or I just haven't really found ME yet.
ReplyDeleteJessie:
ReplyDelete“here’s an intangible beauty in unity between horse and rider, in the ability to understand an animal’s signals through his body language and the feelings received as a rider via hands, legs, seat, and pure intuition as well as the capability, as the rider, to “talk” back.”
WOW! You are an amazing writer! I’m so jealous of your strong grasp on words and vocabulary. I literally shuttered in astonishment when I read this because I felt as if I wasn’t worthy of being in the same AP class as you. Also, I love how you gave an example of a situation that explained each word. It really helped me understand what you mean more clearly. I could definitely relate to the 4H Horseshow example. A couple weeks ago, something truly devastating happened to me. I spend from the beginning of summer up to that point working hard (with blood, sweat, tears, and worst of all some panic attacks) at something only for it to be taken away. It hurt for a day, but eventually, I had to simply accept it since I couldn’t change it. Stuff happens and you just have to move on. That’s a positive to what you call ‘deference’.
Stephen W:
ReplyDelete“This is a general statement about who I am because a person is a very complex organism, everything about them cannot be said in one sitting.”
This exactly what I believe!! Almost to the dot, I believe that people is ever-changing and complex. Personality cannot be defined! I truly believe that! People change ever second. Motives, ambitions, decisions—it’s all so complex with unlimited amounts of interpretation. The human mind is so crazy and indefinable. I think people go to almost fruitless attempts to try to qualify personality, the mind, etc. But to most people it’s almost relieving because everyone has such a huge curiosity and NEED to define everything! (I mean, look, humans had to NAME everything with WORDS. Everything couldn’t just BE. It had to be defined). WE ARE SO COMPLEX AND IT FRUSTRATES ME TO INSANITY!
lol =)
Brittany Alyssa O’Brien: a girl who seems to make no sense at times and always contradicts herself but loves to laugh and plans on seeing the world.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess just reading the words next to my name may seem confusing by themselves but no worries, I’ll explain. The first part about how I make no sense is pretty self explanatory. The things I say and the way I act most of the time, have very little reasoning behind them. I guess a better word would be random. I’m the kind of person who will say something as soon as it pops into my mind. A common example is that I may be talking to my friends and then just randomly say something that is completely unrelated and sometimes it may not even make sense itself. It usually makes sense to me but the person I’m talking to usually ends up confused. I just don’t always think everything out, I just feel as though I need to get the thoughts out of my head before they are completely lost. Now this brings me to the next part of my definition, I constantly contradict myself. I say random things but when I feel necessary I try to censor myself and try to stick to one conversation. I’m easily distracted but I can concentrate. I like being alone but being around friends is just as good. I have trouble making decisions but I hate when people make decisions for me.
I fear the smaller things in life more than the bigger things. I have a positive outlook on life but I believe certain things were meant to make life unhappy. Altogether I guess I just confuse myself. The last part of my definition, the part about loving to laugh and planning to see the world, are just two things that have always been important to me. I laugh a lot and usually for no reason. It makes me feel happy and it provides me with the belief that not everything has to be complicated. I’m that person who will laugh after something funny happens but then laugh ten minutes later after it’s all over or I’ll just laugh for no reason at all. When I say I plan on seeing the world I mean that I plan on traveling and seeing everything that I possibly can. I want to see everything, the things that inspire people, the things that just leave people in awe, and even the most ridiculous things that leave people confused or laughing. I’m just a girl who wants to live her life, whether it’s confusing, crazy or however it may end up being.
ReplyDeleteStephen: Wow what you wrote seemed really intense and your writing skills are really good! I loved how you described everything in a painted scene way. It really provides with a new, unique way of describing yourself. I also agree that not everything about a single person can be said in one sitting but I think you did great in describing yourself in just a few paragraphs!
ReplyDeleteUroosa: “For a while, I let THEIR definitions define me.”
This really made me think about how hard it seemed to separate what I thought of myself from how others had described me. I tried to resist changing when I started high school but I started following the way others described me until I realized how I was changing. Anyways I think it’s great that you are striving for that beautiful personality now instead of following others definitions. P.S. I think you already have a beautiful personality =)
Lauren: I thought your blog was really good! I’m the same way as far as the contradiction thing. It seems like everything I say or do is a contradiction. But anyway I really liked how you said that you would rather not know who you are and instead you’d like to just surprise people. Surprises are pretty much what keeps life interesting and keeps everyone thinking so way to go!
I thought this blog was going to take me forever to type.. I'm proud to admit that it was actually one of the easiest ones I've typed so far. ;] Here I goooo!
ReplyDeleteI have no idea who I am. I have no idea who I want to be. I have no idea about almost anything that I think about, say, or do. I act on impulse most of the time. I don’t like to think about my emotions, yet I’m perfectly comfortable dealing with everybody else’s. I’m a huge contradiction, and probably a borderline hypocrite. I appear very confident and full of self-esteem. Half of the time, I’m actually self-conscience and worrying about every little thing that happens around me. I feel amazing and super happy at school, but I go home and cry about something almost every day. I don’t understand why I get so moody, but then again, I understand it completely. Deep, deep, deeeeeeeeep, DEEP down inside of me, I honestly believe I’m a horrible person, but I refuse to let myself act upon that belief. My peers around me tell me how great I am, and I always answer “Oh, I know,” but I’m really thinking that it’s all just bullshit. I strive to be a good friend, a trustworthy confidante, and even a leader, but I always feel like those goals are too far away. I believe that everybody around me is way more beautiful that I’ll ever be, and I hate to see them doubt that about themselves. I feel like the people I interact with are too good to me, and that I don’t deserve their praise. I don’t want to be any more of a burden to my family. I have plenty of ‘friends’, but there are only a small number of them that I actually like. I’m scared to talk about my life, and myself but I want everyone to know and understand me. I want to be loved, I want to feel appreciated, I want to be successful, I want to be more hopeful. I want to be the Gwen Coleman I dream about.
I don’t think that I’ve ever told one person absolutely everything that I just admitted to. I prefer to have it spread out among a very small group of people whom I care about the most. I don’t want to have somebody know absolutely everything about me because I’m worried that one day we won’t be as close as before, and it’ll torture me if I knew that I put so much input into that person just to one day lose it all. I’m not entirely sure if I sounded overly depressed or not in the last paragraph, but.. I’m not a depressed person. Sure, all of those things are true, but I don’t let that take control of my life. I still want to have fun. I still want to laugh. I still want to experience life. I can’t help it if my freakish girly hormones come into play, or if life takes an unfair jab at me, I still have to keep going. At this point in my life, I don’t think I HAVE to know who I am yet. I still have plenty to go through in my journey called life, and I’m in no hurry to get to any specific time in that journey. The only thing I’m positive about is that I’m ready to embark on that journey, and ready to sucker-punch every problem that comes my way. I’ll just go with the flow, and I’ll enjoy every moment of it.
I’m Gwendolyn Ayanda Coleman. I’m imperfect, sensitive, and obnoxious. I’m both a loser and a winner. I’m an immigrant and would proudly display my green card if I had one. I’m weird and yet I’m perfectly normal. I absolutely adore myself, and everybody’s just going to have to deal with me somehow. :P
Dear Roos Ross,
ReplyDelete'For a while, I let THEIR definitions define me. I attempted to become everything they believed I was.'
I admit to doing that also. I'm not proud of it, and I wish that I could've just resisted the urge to do that, but the past is done now. Realizing who you truly are is one of the best things to achieve in my opinion, but it also can be the hardest for some people. But if you're willing to go on that journey, I will gladly go with you. :]
Loveee,
Gwen
Dear Lauren,
ReplyDelete'I’m awful at making decisions, but get annoyed when people can’t pick something.'
I'm exactly the same way, and that's why I always make my mom decide for me. haha
But I can totally agree with you on being a huge contradiction. I always find myself doing something that goes against something that I may have said before. It's not something that I'll parade around and tell people about, but I don't know how to stop it exactly yet. I could just say 'I'm going to stop contradicting myself', but saying that is way easier than actually having to do it.
Loovveeee,
Gwen
P.S. - I don't think you're the biggest bitch I've ever met. Remember Lauren Parker...? xD
Sarah Jane Chamberlain- spunky, yet sensitive girl who competes for what she wants.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to think of this definition and I still feel like I don’t know if it’s complete. I don’t know how to put myself into words. I once asked a friend, and they couldn’t either. I was given the same result as when we did the exercise in period 11 where you are given a word and write what comes to your mind when you hear that word. My result both times, was I have too many words about too many different things, to write. It’s hard for me to come up with the words to describe anything, much less MYSELF! But here’s where the definition derived from.
The word spunky came to my mind right away when I thought of my name. I feel like it’s part of my personality to have as much fun as I can all the time. I try and make the best f a boring situation by pumping up the party and just being myself. I dance around a little and become very loquacious. I use my spunk to make people happy and have a good time.
After I say that I’m spunky, I contradict myself a little. I am a very sensitive person. If someone says something rude to me, I get REALLY upset. I just feel like sinking down in a corner and crying. It doesn’t take much to get me down. The way I handle it though, would never make you think I was affected, though. I just laugh things off and walk away from the person. I don’t like showing the fact that I’ve been let down. I ‘m the kind of person who doesn’t want people to see my weaknesses.
Last, but not least, I am willing to go all-out for something I want. Athletics are the best way I can explain this trait. If I want to become good at something, I work at it CONSTANTLY. I do whatever it takes to become what I want to be. I guess in a way that makes me mercurial. Also, if I have to compete for a spot on a team, I hustle my ass off until I am proven the best. I don’t slack up for any reason. I compete like a maniac to get what I want.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first thought of what to say about myself in definition form, I had no idea what the hell I was going to write. I felt like I had too much to say about myself and I couldn’t possible create a definition. I stuck with three key terms that I felt were all-encompassing. I feel like what I wrote next to my name can make people see who I am without blowing their minds with a ton of terms.
Oh, Stephen,
ReplyDelete' I often feel guilty for things that I should not feel guilty for.'
Stop doing that! I do it too, and it's not fun at all! It just adds on to the long list of things that I worry about and harp over. I feel like that just adds unnecessary stress to our lives, but I also understand that it's a hard habit to break. Blehh, we just all need a vacation. Let's run away.
Loveeee,
Gwen
P.S. - ...I wasn't kidding about the running away part. :)
Hanners,
ReplyDeleteI can't say that I know what you're talking about, but I do understand why you are upset sometimes. It's okay to be upset and noboy blames you for anything. I'm happy though that you have a release that allows you to be yourself. I freaking love the Hannah that can act like herself and just be happy for a litle bit. Even if I only see it for a little bit, it's worth it!
Alex N. = thank you. another undecided. I have those paranoias too, well, not the same ones but similarly illogical ones. My question is are they really definitive of who we are for real if they are inspired by something that happened in the past, because if that something hadn't happened we wouldn't have those fears. Would we? and then if we didn't would we still be ourselves? We'd have to be...right? So then who we are IS based on our past......???? I love how this has no benefit for you except more silly questions. sorry =]
ReplyDeleteGwennypoo!
ReplyDeleteYou made me think about what I wrote. While was writing the part about my sensitivity, I felt like someone was going to use that to take advantage of me. I think I should have added gaurded to my definition because I never let people know bad things about me. I have to admit, now I'm a little worrie that someone's going to tae advantage of me. :(
Sarah C = I just loved that you said mercurial cause thats my definition of me! =D
ReplyDeleteDear Stephen,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I was soooo confused when I started my response because I didn't know which to define myself by, my daily actions, or my personality. I chose my personality, at last, because I think actions are based on personality. I went to the basis that controls everything about me, and began to write my definition based on my personality.
KTG: "Sure, I get into my moods. When I’m unhappy I can be very serious and deep, and when angry I can be harsh and relentless, but that’s not who I really am. What’s written above is who I really am."
ReplyDeleteSo what happens if everything, your art, is taken away? Does your personality change? Your actions reflect who you are, so your actions might redefine who you are in turn.
Dylan: While reading your blog i couldn't help but thinking that you are somewhat still the same person as you use to be, in that you do care what people think. So when you admitted to having some of that "left over" i was proud of your honesty. Your writing style is a little suspenseful; I like it :)
ReplyDeleteAlix: You have EVERYTHING you will ever need to be happy. Your dedication to the things you decide to do is astounding. Expecting the worst is not a bad trait, however a melancholy attitude because of that is :P You're extremely intelligent, and it shows in your writing.
Gwen: I just fell into a state of shock... I can't believe that you wrote all that. You are both brave, and crazy! I didn't think any of that from you, and I won't even lie and say I never wondered who you really were. Your personality is always so outgoing and silly, so reading that i was stunned. Good for you girl, honesty in knowing who you are will help you become who you want to be.
Megan S: "My friends are my life, they aren’t a privilege, and they are a life."
ReplyDeleteAren't friends a privelege, though? Nobody owes you friendship or compassion, or even tolerance. I can see how your inner circle can be seen as a life though.
Alix L: "I need love. I need friends. I need to be praised. I need to win. I need companionship. Without those things, I crumble."
ReplyDeleteIs it really so wrong to crumble? Falling to your fundamental parts reduces you to what you are; being without defense leaves you with nothing to defend. I think that the need to build yourself (anyone's self) up is a misconception, that it is safe and healthy to fall to pieces without falling apart. You probably don't need those things as much as you think.
My name's JV. I think many would describe me, including Bunje, as Divalicious, Diva, or any variation of a word that includes the letters D I V and A consecutively. I wasn't always like this though, I'd say that my inner true diva just came out this year. Is it a bad thing? Maybe. I've lost, or in the process of losing, an amazing friend because of it. But I've gained other friends that I've never thought I would have before. Being a diva, this quintessential word that seems to fit me lately, is either a curse or a gift. I still can't figure it out.
ReplyDeleteSo this definition of me, is quite acurate. Most people know me as this fashionable confident young man that has guts. But is it really? I'd like to think so. Lately, I haven't felt like that at all. I've been an AP zombie, going crazy with work, school, and extracurricular activities. I've lost myself in all this. Sometimes I'm amazed that I can still laugh and smile. But you know what? I know that this person, this diva, is still inside me. He's just being overcome by this evil maniac. But trust me, he'll be back.
So, I know diva is one of these labels that my friends have given me. It's even partially self-proclaimed. But you know what? I'll accept it. I mean, it can't change if this is what I really am. So, here it goes...
Jan Vincent Gonzales - n. 1. A young man filled of confidence that can attract the attention of a crowd. 2. A young man who will always present himself, in all aspects, positively especially in fashion.
Synonyms- Diva, Icon, Rolemodel
Meg- I dont wanna say you're fake, but face it most high school girls act like you do. We do a lot of stuff just to please other people and, well it works. It makes them happy and it makes me happy to know that they don't have an issue with me. But you know you can always be yourself around your real friends and any one else too because you're a reallly awesome girl and anyone who disagrees can suck ittttt.
ReplyDeleteDear Sarah C.
ReplyDeleteI understand that fear, and that's why I've always been afraid to let myself go..
I'm not really sure how to solve that issue yet, I just know that holding in all the bad things that happen to me does nothing but make me more miserable. I worry that someone's going to take advantage of me all the time, but I'm hoping that the people I DO confide in will never do that me.
Looovee,
Gwen
Jessie B.: "(although I try to be a thoughtful person in the thoughtful-means-considerate sense, as in “She’s so thoughtful, always bringing extra lunch for her hungry friends”, I’m referring to thoughtful in the “carefully thought out” sense)."
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of my sister... she did bring extra lunch for her hungry friends, and she was thoughtful in the sense you intended. I think that being carefully thought out is both an asset and often unnecessary. When you don't think things through, you miss out on opportunities. But, at the same time, when you let yourself go, you find things that you could not have found if you were confined to the realm of logic and reason.
Alex N- Of course I'm going to reference Sybil, she's my girl ;)
ReplyDeletePART 1
ReplyDeleteDefinitions describe the meaning of a word, phrase, or clause. So, when asked to define the real Chrissy Hartzell, the answer didn’t come so simply. I’m describing a person whom, although I am fully knowledgeable about, still hasn’t lived most of her life. I just can’t classify her with words. She’s too complicated to be exactly defined.
Growing up, especially through these crucial high school experiences, I guess you could conclude that I’ve learned substantially a lot about myself. I’ve noticed my passion, my interest of socializing, and my intense sensitivity. I’m pretty giddy, usually optimistic, and I care deeply about my friends. I’m in the drama club, student council, yada yada yada blah blah blah. My current description is turning into a boring and uninteresting kind of autobiography. Is this truly who I am? I’m not quite sure, to be completely honest. I’m only 16 years old, and I don’t even believe life has fully begun. Who I am isn’t determined by my first sixteen years of my life. I still have a world to see, as well as a world of opportunities to explore. My “meaning” shouldn’t even be settled on at least until the end of my life. But, I guess I’ll just have to make to most of what I have currently. Thus, I will begin writing about who sixteen-year old Chrissy Hartzell is: uncensored, uncut, and unveiled. By the time I end my blog of thoughts, I’ll hopefully end with a concise and legitimate definition.
PART 2
ReplyDeleteAs I was pondering upon Facebook today (Before this blog, of course), I noticed the newest rave. It’s called “Friends Exposed”, and it’s basically a questionnaire given to you about your friends and can be posted publicly to the Facebook world. So, I go to my wall on my profile, and notice the list of “friend exposed” questions about me. EVERY single one of the answers included something along the lines of acting, singing, being a DIVA and drama-queen. Diva was, however, definitely the most popular one. So I thought to myself, “Cool, this is how I am portrayed.” I don’t mind people proclaiming me a drama-queen, nor do I ever deny it. I am a drama queen, and even if “diva” is a little exaggerating, I guess it could be accurate. Would I define myself through these words alone? Absolutely not. That’s what my friends know me as. I know myself in a different light. Now, I’m not saying I’m Batman (wink wink Bunj) or have any alter ego, but these words that are constantly associated with me do not, under any circumstance, make me Chrissy. Okay, I’ll admit, maybe the drama queen part.
We’re all one person. I’m Chrissy Hartzell. She’s Taylor Palm. We’re different, obviously. Through the laws of science(Lang > any science), I’m one of a kind. Here’s a quick warning: another Facebook reference. I hate those ubiquitous apps/ quizzes that hack up your newsfeed. However, I couldn’t help but notice a particular one that states, “How many of you are there in the world?” There are “1800” Linda Smith’s in the world. That’s a bit of a contradiction. Even if there were more than one person named Chrissy Hartzell, I still consider myself the ONLY Chrissy Hartzell. So, if I blatantly defined myself as “a compassionate, caring person who still hasn’t found out the half of herself”, I wouldn’t consider that unique. A million other girls could easily have the same definition. Thus, I need to dig deeper.
PART 3
ReplyDeleteAs Bunje asked me two days ago, what if I was stripped of everything I currently associate with “my life”. Theatre, acting, leading: all taken away without a last goodbye. Would I still be myself? Of course I’d still be me. Acting doesn’t define me, because it’s an outside activity. I’d still have my internal abilities, for they could never be stolen. My internal strengths and weaknesses can safely be described as my ultimate definition. Examples include reliability as my strength and lack of confidence as my weakness. So, as I said before, it is truly difficult to define myself. Words cannot justifiably define who I am. However, I’ll do the best I can. Taken my internal strengths, and my current state of life, here it is. I won’t be satisfied with it, nor will I stick with it. I’ll remember to define myself for when the time is right, which is when I’m almost at the end of my existence.
Chrissy Hartzell
(Cah-riss-ee <3+ Zelda - da) –
16 year old explorer of life. A thinker, a dreamer, and a girl of a million curiosities. Can be sensitive, over-dramatic, hurt easily, etc. The type of girl whom believes in true love, love at first life, and all of those disgusting clichés that will never come true. She basically believes in everything but herself. She tends to lead when necessary, and is passionate about critical topics. When you need her, she’ll try to be there.
Synonyms: NONE. No one is like her. She is she. You are you.
Antonyms: Everyone and Anyone. (I’m not saying you’re all opposites, I’m just emphasizing that everyone is different)
Kristie: “I’d love to think my friends know me because if they don’t, who are they friends with besides my body?”
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh I don't know why. I'm pretty sure I know the real you because basically we haven't talked all summer and only had one class together last year and no classes this year. I see you like.. one? time in the hallway a day and that one time sparked an awesome upcoming weekend. Neither of us have changed too much and I'm so glad I know you, and your body.
I have thought and thought and thought and thought about this damn topic since Monday when Bunje put me on the spot in class (9/10!!!!). I still really haven't come up with anything that could EVER be written or typed out in less than 20 pages. But I only have.........5 more hours so I gotta start somewhere.
ReplyDeleteEverything that I am could be altered. My personality, my looks, my abilities, everything could be taken away from me and changed for the better or the worse. A horrific accident could make me ugly, immobile, mute, deaf, blind, limbless, faceless, hairless, mentally unsound, perpetually afraid, or simply kill me. Hell, I could get super spidey powers too! The point is, if its traumatic enough it will change me (it could be something good too but its easier to get the point across this way...for me at least). Those changes could lead to emotional changes or physical changes or changes in how I do everyday things. Basically, what we live through and are surrounded by, our experiences, make us us; make me me. And since I'm not dead yet, I'm still living and life is full of experiences, so I am changing. (And that, my friends, is a form of literary device called syllogism. Look what you've done to me Bunje!)
I'm really trying to find that one thing that can't ever be taken from me, but I don't think it exists. I'm a pessimist, but I could be trained to be an optimist. Surround me with beautiful things and happy stuff and ponies and unicorns long enough and I'll eventually succumb to those outer forces and be cheerful all the time, or just go crazy. But I won't be the me I was yesterday. Then again none of us are. I have my morals, which I uphold fervidly, but they've begun changing regardless. I believed in just shutting up when I got yelled at, but now I've started fighting back, which makes everything worse, but I just can't stop myself from lashing back at them (the folks). Who I am is dependent upon what's happening to me. I thought I was a dressage rider but so far that's not right. I thought I was this stubborn, true-to-myself girl who loved her life and loved her God and that was all there was to it, but I'm not even that anymore. Maybe everyone is just a reflection of where they've been, like a montage of experiences all bubbling into an image of us. Each new event adds to the image (Oh man this sounds so lame. Sorry guys).
To quickly try to save this poorly written and composed entry, I am today what I was not yesterday and will not be tomorrow and that is all my friends can hope to know about me too. The ones I still have are the ones that have seen everything I have to offer and still love me, and the ones I've lost couldn't roll with it. After high school, when I randomly run into one of you in 20 years, I won't be the same, but I WILL be me, it's just that that me is the me of that place and time. God I hope someone understands what I'm desperately trying to convey here.
Postscript:
I'm sorry that I haven't adequately answered this blog, I'm probably over analyzing this to the extreme or something, but this is all I've got and I'm pretty sure I failed this.
-Alexandra E. B. Vekteris - mercurial
* love at first sight. NOT love at first life. That just sounds ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteChrissy- I agree about the whole you'd still be yourself thing if you lost acting or something. Same here with soccer. My likes and dislikes would stay exactly the same, I just might not be able to do them. I'd still have the same personality and views of things. And I think your definition of yourself is right on!!
ReplyDeleteComment 2
ReplyDeleteTo J.V G. : If someone can not accept you, the whole you, then they are not worth being friends with. The Diva in you is a given. Its just your JVness. That divaness ( I know its not a word) is your way of expressing your confidence, personality, and your deepest emotions. So don't worry about those fools who can not, or WILL NOT accept you for who you truly are. They are not worth it.
Brittany O = yea you're definition pretty much sounds like you. I wish I could come up with an equally accurate one for myself!!!! Then again I'm quite sure I seriously missed the target for these things. Uh-oh. Anyway, I do think that the part about traveling isn't something that so much makes you you. I'm not saying that its not something you WANT to do or find interesting, the question is if its something that makes you make decisions differently or do things that, under any other influence, you wouldn't do?
ReplyDeleteHumans have a constant, nagging emptiness and discontentment about them. The pursuit for happiness in humans is a way of filling in that emptiness and solving their discontentment. However, the acceptance of this is what makes some of us different. Its hard to strip away at all labels, and activities, and titles that are used to describe who a person is, but not impossible. I can tell you who I am in the shortest grammatically correct sentence.
ReplyDeleteI am.
I am human, therefore I am a big huge blob of imperfection. I was made to impact someone, or something, but so was every other human. I live and work my butt off, because I want to succeed in something one day. I don’t do my homework because I have to. I do it because I want to. Being naked on this blog, I can say I’m selfish. But that’s not something original, every single person’s blog basically read the same thing. We all look for some sort of acceptance, some source of happiness. Therefore, aren’t we all the same? What separates people, is their drive and how hard they’ll work. I’m almost disgusted thinking about how horrible humans are, but I’m inspired by they’re passion. My vagueness is due to the fact that I feel we are all equal in the end. Appearances provoke and make the sad fact that some people feel the need to put down others, like in the ‘burn book.’ How insecure a person must feel in order to totally completely trash another person, when they have the shit personality to begin with… is just sad. But the truth in that, is that it’s the truth. Because of labels, titles, and hobbies, we hurt each other. I am no exception to that, nor are any one of you. I’m human, and humans have a constant, nagging emptiness and discontentment about them… I know who I am. I am!
Kaitlin Hare,
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud when you described yourself like a Discovery Channel show documenting the activity of a wild ginger in its natural habitat. As I read your blog though, I can definitely see all these things in you. I can definitely see that you're so complex but it's not necessarily a bad thing because I think that everyone's complex in their own level. If we all weren't so deep, then people would just be extremely boring.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteKTG,
ReplyDeleteSuess would definitely be so proud of you, when you do the things you do. (Check that out!) Anyways, as I told Kaitlin, I think that everyone's complex. So, I disagree with you, I think that you're pretty freaking complex. I think you get it from your mother, with her GTFOTW attitude. But that makes you amazing, I love that you're truely an animated character. Every single bit of you, from your curly hair, your italian nose, and your sweater dresses that I adore, is simple amazing.
I know what score any gymnast will receive before the judges post the score. I know where the ball is going to go on every field hockey corner. I understand calculus. I am very good with directions and could probably drive to a specific spot in California, by myself, without getting lost. I can remember phone numbers or license plates after seeing them once. I can babysit little kids without killing them. I can name the US Olympic field hockey team and what college they attended. I know how to fix a lot of things like computers or car lights. When I was five years old I made a kinex Ferris wheel double my size in about 20 minutes. I know all of these things, yet I do not know who I am.
ReplyDeleteI can be a quiet and just listen, or that rebel who just keeps talking to hear herself talk. Maybe I am that person who just wants to make everyone laugh. I crack jokes, often mean, but funny. I tell myself I don’t care what people think, but I do. I do not open up to anyone. I speak when asked to stop. I “cross the line” more than I should. I hurt the ones close to me, probably because I’ve been hurt before. I tell myself “Life is too short to regret things,” but inevitably regret almost every decision I’ve made. I contradict my own beliefs. I give pretty good advice to others, but never listen to it. “You are very, well how can I say this, hard headed.” (Is what I hear from time to time). I tell myself I have no fears, yet I have feared more this year than every before. I worry too much. Sometimes I care more than I should other times I don’t care enough. I trust one person, and I shouldn’t. I pretend to be strong, when I am not. I’ve been the worst friend and best friend at times. I have disappointed myself more times than I have disappointed others. I am fake. I lie. I am human.
So yet again, who am I? I keep asking and see a different person every day. With every new situation, I am a different person. Everyday in school I am a different person. I have come to learn that I am myself when I am in Ventnor. I laugh and forget about everything. School does not exist, there is no drama. I shut off my phone and ignore the outside world. I laugh so hard that I cry, and never want to leave. I have so much fun and can truly be Kelsey Cheek. My friend is the only one in a long time who has really seen me in my entirety. She deals with the bad, and the good, and accepts it. I am who I am today because of her.
Kelsey Cheek – (noun) - Look for me at 5401 Calvert Ave, Ventnor NJ, and you will find the real me. For lack of time- The girl who is always worried, but cracks a joke in disguise.
Taylor Ashley Palm. Palm, Taylor A. Me. Well I knew this blog would be difficult. The lovely Fiona warned me about it about two weeks ago and gave me a task: Write everything you can to describe yourself initially. I did this.
ReplyDeleteTaylor Palm:
Theatre kid
Driven
Sarcastic
Anti-confrontational
Does not contain common sense
Funny
Cute
Smart
Likes people
Follower
Hates being alone
Needs Coffee
Loves music
Loves Glee
Loves danger
Often bored
Optimistic/Sees the best in people
Then she says: “Ok, now cross that all out.”
Of course, at this I’m like, “What?! But that’s who I am!”
But she was right. That’s not who I am, that’s what I am. Those are my character traits and flaws, my hobbies, my obsessions. Although, I would hate every moment of it, if I was not acting, I would still be Taylor. If I was confrontational, I would still be Taylor, just a bitchier version of her. If I couldn’t drink coffee, I would still be Taylor, just very, very tired.
So who the hell am I? I see this girl everyday in the mirror and I can’t think of a god damn word to describe the core of her. Then I’m pretty sure it came to me. The one thing that yokes everything together…I am an addict.
Ok, let’s not get crazy. I’m not saying I’m a big druggie or anything. What I mean by addict is that I am an obsess-er. I pick a little pet project and run with it, it becomes my life for its duration, then I drop it for something else and move on. I am a goal setter, do I accomplish them? Sometimes…but I get close enough until I find another goal to move onto. I am in over my head constantly. My little projects consume me, no matter what else is going on in my life, my addiction of the moment will take priority to absolutely everything else.
So how does addict tie everything in? I’m addicted to theatre. I am driven to succeed in finishing my projects (My current one project NaNoWriMo, I’m writing an epic novel, just saying). I can’t confront when I have chosen a bad project and I generally don’t have the common sense to know how. Funny, cute, smart…meh, these just make me awesome j/k! I just don’t have an explanation tehe. I like people and am a fan of people projects. I need interaction to tell people about my addictions and often be saved from them. I like to be led, this is often dangerous for me, especially if obsessing over something leading me in a bad direction. I am so addicted to coffee, music and Glee. Danger…terrible obsession of the moment. Often bored…*See danger.* Optimism and seeing the best in people often leads to danger for I am not the best judge of character.
So here it is, my definition…
Taylor Palm- [Tey-ler Pahm]
- Noun
1. An addict constantly in over her head with obsessions of the moment and often perplexed and in need of leading in the right direction
ANDDDDDDDD NOOOWWWW: Just for kicks: The urban dictionary of my name!
Bahahaha!
Taylor:
“taylor is the coolest girl ever. she's nice, smart, funny, and knows just what to say to cheer anyone up. she's friends with almost everybody because everyone likes her. and she can be crazy when she wants to be. insanely hyper at times, she just doesn't care what people think of her and that's why so many people want to be her friend. blonde haired blue eye'd taylor's are the best. love you tay. ♥
Alix,
ReplyDeleteI've always known you as Alix with an I and whenever you spell it with an E, I gag just a bit. Not that there's anything wrong with "Alex" but I've always known you as "Alix." It suits you. I can't define why it suits you, but it just does.
Also, with the whole pessmistic thing. I,
myself, am exactly the same. I always expect the worse out of things because for some reason whenever I do, it turns out for the best. For example, if I dream about my parents giving me--let's say these two hundred dollar boots that I want-- I would probably have no chance at all in getting it. So, what I do is that I expect them to get me a lame present that I won't like. It always turns out for the best if I do the latter of the two. Does that makes sense or even remotely relevant?
But anyways, I think pessimism always works for me because it doesn't set me up to be disappointment. It just prepares me for the blow that comes with it.
Part One
ReplyDeleteFor most of my life, I have been described as an enigma. Not many people, if any, know or understand even a fraction of who I am. Honestly, I don’t even know who I am. Asking someone to define themselves isn’t some insanely difficult task that should induce stress; it’s just that most people can’t easily define themselves. The hobbies, traits, and virtues we exhibit make us who we are anyway, so how the hell can someone describe themselves without describing these qualities? If someone can define themselves easily, then they are lacking the complexities that make people who they are. Well, anyway, who am I?
I am Justin Sean Hutsell II. I’d like to consider myself a very complex and intriguing person. I am very opinionated on some things, and some things I have no opinion on. I like to learn, experience new things, spend time with those I love, relax and take in the inner beauty of each and every thing. I am intrigued by the subject of learning, some things more than others, and I would like to think that I am constantly on a pursuit of knowledge and understanding. I am a fairly independent and “strong” person. I can sometimes come off as overly sarcastic or rude, but I never try to hurt someone’s feelings. I get upset when people become mad at me because of some thing I said and they took out of hand and refuse to accept that I was kidding. I am a fairly self conscious person, modest in most of my actions. I may come off as overly confidant sometimes to those closets to me, but it is a façade.
To the general public, I am mysterious, I guess. Not many people know much about me and don’t care to find out what they don’t know. No one is overly excited to see me; I’m not very special to anyone. People don’t take the time to know me. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I block out the world for some inner reason not even I know. I want to openly express myself, I want to be known and valued as a person and friend, I just don’t think many people feel that way about me. Honestly, I don’t know what most people think about me. Maybe they think I’m a weirdo, maybe they think I’m an outcast who despises social interaction. No one truly knows me and therefore cannot truly understand me or do the common rituals listed with complete comfort or familiarity.
Part Two
ReplyDeleteAt the end of freshmen year, Mrs. Rock wrote in everyone’s journals, a farewell of sorts. In mine, she wrote that I was an enigma and something about expressing myself because people really do care. I didn’t know what to think of these comments, at first I was unaffected, I didn’t think much of them. Later on I thought about it, if I truly wanted to be known as an enigma. I still don’t know the answer to that question. Then, sophomore year, when Ms. D was leaving, she wrote on my sheet that everyone wrote nice things on, ‘you are the student that intrigues me most’. This statement made me feel sort of shocked. Do people really care? Do people actually take any interest in what I do or who I am? The answers to these questions are ones I can’t seem to find the answer t. Is human nature truly about caring most about yourself? Are people meant to think of themselves over everyone else? I constantly find myself realizing that people are cynical, that they don’t care much about others or how they feel. I care. I care about other people and how they are affected by me or my actions.
Is this post an answer of sorts to the question? I don’t know, but these are some things that can begin to describe my inner personality. I can’t answer the question very easily, I rarely think about myself or who I am. We are who we make ourselves to be. Actions really do define who someone is for the most part.
Justin Sean Hutsell II- (noun) a very complex and interesting individual that knows not even who he really is and is far too intricate to describe in this silly definition.
When I first read this post I thought, “Oh, this is simple. I’ll just talk about myself and I how I think I am.” But then I sat down ready to write, and tried so hard to think. I sat staring at the blank word document for about an hour. What makes me, well, me? If I were to cut or dye my hair, get plastic surgery, go tanning until I’m the darkest shade possible, or to gain a hundred billion pounds (none of which I plan on doing, by the way), what would be the same about me?
ReplyDeleteWell to start, I’m crazy. As in, goofy, funny, wild, etc. I love to have fun, and I’m always making a fool of myself just to get a good laugh out of myself and everyone else. I don’t mind. In my opinion, I’m smart, caring, trustworthy, happy, funny, and I know when to be serious. According to others, I’m “bad ass,” pretty, lazy, determined, a people pleaser; I’m real, down-to-earth, I’m unique, I’m a great friend. All of these traits make me who I am.
Realistically, I’m Kyra Lynn Abbamondi. I’m almost seventeen. I am a sister, a best friend, a daughter, a close cousin.
Those are all the good traits, followed by the literal facts. But I have bad traits about me too, however, like how I am apparently (according to my dad) an antagonist, I’m a hypocrite (according to my sister- how ironic, she is the biggest hypocrite I know), I’m a procrastinator, and I am always worried about something. Whether it be about stressors, friends, or boys, there is always something on my mind. I have good intentions, but sometimes they come out wrong. I have so so so so so many things to do, and no matter how hard I try, I just cannot get them done. I REALLY need time management skills. Hell, I need there to be more time in a day.
So really, at least to myself, I am confusing, I‘m a sort of mystery. I sat here spewing my thoughts out onto this page via keyboard, and after reading them, I realized that it almost doesn’t answer the question. I really do not know who I am. It took me until this blog to realize that too. This is something I need to figure out!
Hannah: I am so sorry that you are going through everything with your mom still. When it comes to the whole jealousy part- I can relate. My parents got divorced when I was in fourth grade, and my mom has not been a mom to me since. I remember shortly after it happened, I saw someone’s mom waiting for them at their bus stop and I started crying,. I felt like I would never have that again, never have a mom again; and I haven’t. I know she didn’t pass on, and that its not exactly the same, but I can understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteKTG: We all know how goofy, funny, artistic, and short you are. (Sorry, I just had to put that there!). But what you wrote is a lot deeper. I thought it was true though, having been so close to you I can say that I have seen basically all of your moods, and I can agree that that really isn’t you. You are such a good person, and no matter what your bad moods say about you, that will never change.
Megan: After I read your blog I thought for a little while. If you think about it, aren’t we all somewhat fake? We all naturally change around other people. I’m less carefree and goofy when I’m with people I’m not close with. When it’s just me and my sisters, I can be kind of mean. I’m not a mean person, I know that, but I definitely come across that way. Everyone is fake to some point.
Kelsey: I was so suprised when I read your blog. I guess I am so used to seeing you as the confident girl who dared to do the worm in front of the entire freshman class, that I sometimes forget that you are real. You just seem so perfect. I mean your GPA is immpeccable. You are great at every sport you try. You're the president of our class. You just seem to have it so together. To be honest, I was really intiminated by your "perfectness". It's nice to know a little part of the REAL you. I look forward to getting to know you, as a person, better.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I still think you 're perfect.
I don’t exist. I used to, but then one day I just disappeared. I used to know who I was, and back then I would have been able to answer this question with speed and clarity. However, for the past three years or so I have been missing in action, with no one that cared enough to bother searching for me. So, as of last week, I decided to do it myself. As of last week, I am attempting to become the old Lucas, the one that has been lost for three years. And it all started with a vocabulary test.
ReplyDeleteIn my younger years, I was closer to who I really am. I knew exactly what I wanted and exactly how to go about getting it. But don’t mistake that as being analytical. Growing up I was as unanalytical as people come. I was carefree, quirky (ask Kristen about air casserole… *shudder*), and confident, and if anybody didn’t like it they could go jump off a cliff.
But then reality struck. People, for the most part, didn’t like me. (At least, that’s what I thought.) I realized that I didn’t like not being liked, so in an attempt to stop being a jerk, I basically shut myself off from everyone. With everything bad went everything good, but that’s just how it went. I figured that it would be better to be “eh” status with a whole bunch of people than have a few close friends and a whole lot of people who hated me.
But what ended up fading with my personality was my drive. In my younger days, I was the most driven person ever. My thirst for knowledge was undying, and nothing could get in my way when I wanted to learn something. But that faded too, and for a while I didn’t really care. Because I’m pretty smart, I guess, I was able to get by these past few years without caring too much and still manage to be number seven. But nobody who has met me over the last three years has witnessed the real me.
In the past three months, I’ve been thinking about questions like this in most of my free time. After a few months of built up disappointment with myself and my various failures as a student and person, the big, shocking moment that I needed came. I got a forty on last week’s vocabulary test. Who cares, right? It’s only one vocabulary test. But I don’t like to fail. So then in class I felt as if I had to make up for my failure and I decided to actually participate in discussion that day(it was about last week’s blog). It felt good, even if what I said didn’t make sense (did it?) Then I came home and got hit in the head, literally, by my past. A scrapbook of my year at the national spelling bee fell directly on my head. I looked inside of it and almost cried. My past was right there, all the expectations and ignored possibilities staring me in the face. I couldn’t get over it. So right then and there, I decided that I was going to change. I’m now on a quest to become that carefree, talkative, hard-working kid again.
So how does all of this relate to the blog question? Well, if anybody else was asked to define me, they would probably say that I am quiet, analytical, and a tad boring. I know now that I am not. Honestly, I don’t think about anything that I do. Most of my decisions happen subconsciously. But my fear of showing the real me is often mistaken for me being analytical, and it’s not true at all. I also happen to like talking. I just never did. But I’ve started to open up, kind of, and I’ve begun to rediscover myself. I was lost, and now I am found.
As for the actual, concise definition, this is all I can muster:
Lucas Anthony Schairer- A complicated, smart kid who genuinely enjoys being around other people and cannot be adequately explored in one sentence.
Tay
ReplyDeleteI agree, that list is not who you are, its what you are, and I actually did something a little similar. I think "Who we are," is what causes us to do the things that make up "What we are." I mean, I don't think you are only an addict, there are a lot of other things that make up who you are too! And have you have thought about why you are a so called addict? I just think it would be interesting to do some introspective thinking and figure out why. It could lead you to a lot of other answers to questions you never even thought of about yourself.
I am everything and nothing at the same time. I am all the labels of characteristics (kind, mean, angry, happy, passionate, impassionate, etc) stuffed into a human body. However, I believe all of us begun this way--with this clean slate. But the surroundings change us. I haven't been changed. Well, I have obviously. But who I am hasn't. I am everything and nothing.
ReplyDeleteShirley Ngo (n) -everything and nothing.
I can break this down in unlimited ways. But here I go trying to decide on a few. Before high school, I, unfortunately, saw myself as a defined person--shy, know-it-all, etc. I let the world decide who I am. THANKFULLY, in high school, I decide that that will never be the case ever again. I'm unsatisfied with that defining who I am. I can be outgoing, crazy, and loud (the essence of a partier). During the ride to the Halloween parade, I, dressed up as a pregnant teenager, had an amazing time as I delved deeper into my character. With many loud mood swings, I can confidently say I wasn't shy or withdrawn from society on that bus ride. But I still have that shyness within me because of the unkind forces of society. I am both a crazy, obnoxious person as well an intuitive, introverted individual. Shifting from either side causes me to feel as I'm trying to be something I am not. But in my heart, I know I am both.
Also, I tend to question everything; I tend to be the person who looks at things and inspect the very minute details and reasons behind it. Yet other times, I want to let things be what they are and concentrate on the big picture. In questioning things, I tend to think back to why humans did this. For example, in defining personality, I replied to Stephen's blog saying people are ever-changing because personality, intentions, behavior is never constant. Thus trying to define a personality is fruitless, but doing so relieves humans of nagging curiosity. However, I don't want to be a person who always questions the unanswerable. So other times, I just say "It just IS." For instance, a person can just BE a lucky and successful person. But in my inner soul, I cannot be content with just that. I have to be both.
I am a person who believes in success in school and in the importance of what we learn in school. But at the same time, I find this system somewhat useless and corrupt. When I go to college, I will be the world's leading expert in ___. But I feel as if I will never fill in this blank. I act decisively, but many times I can never decide because of all the other possibilities. I'm nice, but I’m mean, too. I'm kind-hearted; but cold-blooded too. I am simply...everything!
ReplyDeleteIf I had to put myself as a metaphor, I would be one of the Greek classical elements (Earth, Fire, Air, Water, and Aether), also called the Triplicities. I could be any of them. But out of randomness (and the fact that I'm drinking a bottle of water as I type this), I'll choose water. I am water. Water shifts around the world. In some places, it is everything; in others, it's no where to be found. Like me, water can appear as many different things: steam, liquid, ice. I can be beautiful icicles glistening in a polar wonderland, or beautiful and kind. I can be the rain of a fierce storm that has the intention of killing, or cutthroat and selfish. I can be a slight unnoticed drop dripping from an abandoned warehouse, or ignored and overlooked. Water is water, yes. But it can be so many other things at the same time. Shirley Ngo: Water.
The fact that I believe in and am aware of all the potential I possess is a gift. But to me, it's a nightmare. I see everything and I try to be everything. But in the end, my frantic attempt to try to be everything to be everything turns me into a ‘nothing’. I become discouraged by the fact that "maybe" this isn't me, or "maybe" I could be something else. There has to be a balance between certain things and I can't seem to find it. I’m at a standstill. I know that everyone is like this. They truly don't know who they are, and they can be different people that the same time. Yet, I believe I am the extreme version of that. Most people have a slight idea of who they are. I don't. I end up being nothing, when I actual could be everything. But really, I have to be SOMETHING. I just haven't found out what.
So this didn't answer the question the way it's supposed to be answered (with a definitive answer), at all. Rather than narrow into who I am, I just gave a broad, expansive image of everything. But that is just what comes to mind when I'm asked this question. Oh well! :)
To Justin H: You are an enigma.I have wanted to friends with you for so long because yu just seem to be so interesting.I tried talking to you last year but hopefully this year we can become BFFLs.I also to say that to say that I truly respect you for saying that you are undefinable (at least simplistic manner) because you are. You are Justin Hutzell, you are unique.
ReplyDeleteKale Nagasaki.
ReplyDeleteI cannot be defined. I refuse to be. Applying a definition to my very soul wouldn’t be giving my existence justice. Definitions are for words to help us better understand them. But a definition wouldn’t help anyone understand me. I am human. Humans are too far complex, too contradictory, too evanescent, too much to be put into a few words. In this context, a definition seems to be more like a box. I don’t want to be put into a box. Defining me would be like trying to put a label on a lifestyle, on a soul. In the end, you would just be watering me down.
The second I discovered the potential of my own power, I became a juggernaut. Life, for me, is no longer the process of dying. No-- my death would be for the sake of mercy. Everyday is a victim to Kale Nagasaki. I conquer every second of every day and only grow stronger. My death will only give Time a break. A temporary break. This is my new outlook. I’m sprinting, I’m gaining ground, I’m running fiercely on my journey to fulfillment. I’m in motion. Because of this, a definition of myself would be fruitless. The second I define myself, the definition is already obsolete. It wouldn’t be who I am now. It would be who I was a minute ago, a year ago, etc because I’m constantly growing into the greatest thing the world will ever see (or at least I’d like to believe). I feel like I’m slowing down to answer this blog though, because I don’t need to constantly be running, to constantly be fast. I’m slowing down to give this more thought, but providing a definition would be the equivalent of taking a step backwards. I don’t want to do that. I don’t feel the need to explain myself to others or ensure that they know me for who I really am, to a decent extent. But right now, I need to feel like my potential is limitless and I am exponential. That I can do anything. Anything. Just the thought of a definition of myself, however, makes my bright sky seem a little more narrow.
Hmm. I’ve thought long and hard about how I’d answer this blog and it seems funny to me that my answer isn’t a definition. I also find it odd that I’m struggling with length here. Usually I write 200 words over, but now, on the topic that probably requires the most introspection, I find it hard to expand. I know exactly who I am; that’s not a problem. For you to know who I am though, I believe a definition wouldn’t accomplish the task. The only view is personal view, so however any individual views me is who I am to them. Because I do want to give some type of a definitive answer though, I’ll leave you with this:
Kale Nagasaki: Find out for yourself ;]
Kaitlin:
ReplyDelete“Kaitlin Hare: a teenage girl full of fears, emotions, and desires that is still being investigated”
I really liked your post! It was cute. You basically said everything I would have expected you to! You are a very to yourself person unless people actually know you. Until chem and spanish last year, I don’t even think I had ever heard you utter a word but then you did obviously cause that’s what made you the best lab partner ever. So what I’m saying is, I miss you in all of my classes and I’d appreciate talking to this Kaitlin girl that I only hear about on the blog =p Haha!
JV
Jan Vincent Gonzales - n. 1. A young man filled of confidence that can attract the attention of a crowd. 2. A young man who will always present himself, in all aspects, positively especially in fashion.
Synonyms- Diva, Icon, Rolemodel
It seems in reading your blog, that it was nearly effortless. Which I am very jealous of because I stared at my own for a half hour before sighing and just posting. It’s amazing how in some way, you managed to make diva have a positive connotation! You’re over the top in a funny way, not like a “SHUT UP” kind, especially in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, ie, your show!.
Chrissy:
Chrissy Hartzell
(Cah-riss-ee <3+ Zelda - da) –
16 year old explorer of life. A thinker, a dreamer, and a girl of a million curiosities. Can be sensitive, over-dramatic, hurt easily, etc. The type of girl whom believes in true love, love at first life, and all of those disgusting clichés that will never come true. She basically believes in everything but herself. She tends to lead when necessary, and is passionate about critical topics. When you need her, she’ll try to be there.
Synonyms: NONE. No one is like her. She is she. You are you.
Blahhh! How long did we discuss this only yesterday? Believe in yourself! If you can dream it, you can do it! Succeed in your mini mission! Take the spying notes you made and take what you can from them haha. Other than that though, this was very Chrissy, the whole blog I was like…yeah good definition. So I don’t know what to say…good job and stuff!
Lucas!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy you're starting to become the old you again. I can already see the difference in those moments we talk to each other in biology class when I express my rage about our teacher. I was actually shocked when you told me that you honestly had no drive to even do anything the last few years. It made me a bit sad. :/ But It's all good now, cause you're back in the game. Keep it up!
Loooveee,
Gwen
P.S - I think Lucas Blagucas looks really gross when I type it. It sounds nicer when I say it. :D
Kaitlin H:
ReplyDeleteWow. When I read your post, I was really shocked to find out that it felt exactly like something I could have written. Had I chosen to copy and paste it (minus the words Kaitlin and girl) I feel as if it would have seemed like me. I guess we're similar. And I completely agree: There are definitely times when I just want to sit around and do nothing all day as well. Today was one of those days, actually.
Who am I? I’m not so sure… but here’s what I think!
ReplyDeleteI am a girl who’s strong in many ways (besides physically). I always have faith. Yes, I’m a believer. I strive to do my best and even if I don’t I always move on never looking back. Like when I get an F on a test. I won’t cry or let it ruin my day, I’ll simply move on within a matter of seconds and convince myself I’ll do better next time. That’s how I am with everything I do. I’m constantly looking at the brighter side of things. I guess the word would be optimistic.
Yes that is it. I’m too optimistic about everything. From grades to other people’s issues and even about the world, there’s always something positive for me to say. I’m not fragile nor achieved everything ever wanted just because of the positive attitude. No, that would be dedication and sometimes I lack that. Anyways, I’m not saying I never say anything negative because I always do, but it’s mostly followed by something positive. I keep the atmosphere good and cheery, a bonhomie.
Which leads me to hiding my hurting moments. I try not to let it affect the way I am around people. When I have a bad headache, I’ll still continue a conversation with my friend and say I‘m fine. Or maybe I’ll admit or even blurt it out (like I usually do) but act like it’s not even bothering me.
I’ll tell you who I’m not! I am not: a criminal, a wannabe, fearful, arrogant, snobby, influenced easily, a follower and a leader. I won’t explain the obvious of who I am not. People have fears but I don’t have a true fear, if that makes any sense. I believe I am a descent human being. I don’t consider myself a follower or a leader. What if I don’t agree with the leader, obviously I won’t follow them. But I won’t do anything about it that will make me a leader like forming rebellions and whatnot.
All together I guess my optimism keeps me strong . It helps me stay firm and keeps me from tipping from the edge of even the most hardest moments. I don’t think that will ever change in me. There’s not much about me that defines who I am. I’m still discovering myself. So it’s safe to say I don’t know completely who I am…
(sorry if I was a bit discursive)
Kelsey- I admire that you have a safe haven, a place where you can truly be yourself without having to worry about drama or stress. I admire that you can have a place where you are really at home and in tune with your inner self. If everyone could feel this way at all times, the world would be a much simpler and pure place to inhabit.
ReplyDeleteAlexandra V- I admire your view on how we are shaped by what we experience. I think some people don't realize this or refuse to realize this. Every thing we experience, whether wanted or not, shapes who we are. Change can be a good and bad thing and I agree with you on the notion that we are constantly changing based on experience.
Gwen- I feel the same way about many of the things you listed. I also like the fact that you don't know who you are but believe you don't have to know who you are yet. I wish I could think this way. I am always trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. I admire your layed back approach to these topics.
Gwendo:
ReplyDeleteHad I not had my realization last week, your blog is exactly how I would've taken this question, minus the happy all the time part. And I know that you said you think it's bullshit when people say it, but you have nothing to be worried about. People like you. You're fun. And you're certainly not a burden. And as a side note, Blagucas looks like a Russian last name. Or a disease.
Who am I? Well for starters I’m Jon Williams junior at Oakcrest High School. I’m that kid who sits and stares at his ceiling before going to bed thinking about life. Pondering all of life’s big questions we as humans wonder about. I’m the kid who wonders about everything no one can answer. Why are we here? Who am I? I’m the kid who says he believes in god, thinks of god everyday, but cant find reasonable proof that he exists. I’m the kid who stares in the mirror wondering if all this is real? I’m the kid whose always looking at the bigger picture and not at what the latest fad or trend is. I’m not the person everyone thinks I am. Not that I’m tying to deceive the world I just don’t open up my feelings to anyone. I like to be in control of my own world at all times, I never want to be told what I should and should not do. I love being in the drivers seat, going where I want doing what I want. I love to learn things on my own and learn from my mistakes. I can’t stand relying on others for anything, probably why I don’t play as team sport. I take self reliance to the next level I hate asking anyone for anything because I know I am capable of doing anything on my own. I’m way too judgmental of others, but who isn’t? I’m a very good people person but truth is I don’t like many of the kids in Oakcrest. But before I go on this rant I’d like to say that almost everyone in the AP program are excluded from this because for one they have aspirations beyond the fast food industry. A lot of my fellow students in Oakcrest (none that I associate with) are such lazy idiots. Plain and simple. All of the assholes that think their hot shit in high school don’t understand yet that after this it’s over. After their senior year their lives as they know it are over and I feel bad for them. This may be a pessimistic way of looking at life but that’s me. I look beyond the now and what my actions will do to my future. I’m Jon Williams and I see myself as a visionary looking toward the future to see what it holds for me.
ReplyDeleteJustin:
ReplyDelete“This statement made me feel sort of shocked. Do people really care? Do people actually take any interest in what I do or who I am? The answers to these questions are ones I can’t seem to find the answer t. Is human nature truly about caring most about yourself?”
Most of the time I think about this and say the answer is No, No, and Yes, respectively. When I was younger, I found, when I was quiet and introverted, people don’t pay attention to me. They tend to gravitate towards to loud person who throw their personality into other people’s faces. It used to hurt, especially when people don’t notice how miserable or melancholy you are one day. But, eventually I learned that you should care mostly about yourself. I mean, nobody really and truly cares if something happens to you and it doesn’t affect them, so you may as well fend for yourself. It’s a very pessimistic way of thinking about it. But I truly believe it’s the most realistic way.
Lucas: I can genuinely say I think I went through the same thing. Up until seventh grade, the world was mine to conquer and I knew and loved that I was smart and envied. Then I realized people didn’t like me. I became quiet. I cried throughout 8th grade, remained reticent throughout 9th, and only last year did I think, “You know what? I rock. Bigtime. :]” I’m really glad I read your blog because I would have never known you were anyone different than the quiet boy. I don’t know when you made this decision to change, but if it was before Tuesday, then I definitely noticed. In History class, I heard you talking a lot before class started, and remember thinking, “Wow, since when did Lucas like to talk?” One thing you said, I can’t remember now, I was tempted to respond to, but I was afraid you’d shoot me down, haha. I’ve always taken your quiet disposition as indifference, but now, maybe, I won’t be afraid to talk to you!
ReplyDeleteKelsey: “I understand calculus.” …. …. …. D:< ?!?!?! …. …. …. *deep breath* … … good…for…you.
Getting to your blog though, there’s something I noticed. From the people I’ve read, we all seemed to write in short sentences this blog. But anyway, I don’t really have much to say about your blog except that I really enjoyed reading it. You’re stronger than you think, and more confident than you know. I mean, you’re Kelsey Cheek. Awesomeness is implied. :]
Taylor: When I read what you did following Fiona’s advice, it made me wish I would have read your blog first. It definitely would have made writing mine a whole lot easier. Anyhoo, I absolutely adore you as a person and think your definition of yourself is spot on. Glee is a horrible show, coffee isn’t that great, but Taylor Palm is amazing. It may be hard to define you, but whoever you are, you are definitely you. Not anyone else. That’s a good thing.
Brittany:
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your middle name is Alyssa? Second, even though your blog may not have addressed some deep intellectual question or anything, I feel like it fit you. I often struggle to make my blogs sound like who I am, and it's good that yours didn't have that problem. And yes, I can attest to the random outbursts and weird moments, but they don't really make you a contradiction. Stopping to be serious for a while doesn't mean you're contradicting yourself.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTo lukey: Did i ever tell you that you 're awesome?
ReplyDeleteDeanna's comment on my post:
ReplyDeleteA lot of people have actually told me that others are afraid to talk to me. I never understood why. Ugh! I like to talk to people. And hey, it's a lot easier to have things to say in history when I actually read that chapter (first time all year!) Or maybe you were talking about before class even started? Because if that's what you mean, then I almost always talk to Brittany for a while in History. Sometimes it's just comments under my breath that no one else can hear except the person I'm talking to.
Roosa Z. said...
ReplyDeleteTo lukey: Did i ever tell you that you 're awesome?
No.
To Luckey:
ReplyDeleteIn response To
Lucas S said...
Roosa Z. said...
To lukey: Did i ever tell you that you 're awesome?
No.
Well you are...:)
Sarah C- I always comment on your blog and was going to try to avoid doing it this time but when I saw your reference to Hannah Montana “pumping up the party” I had to comment. Maybe it is the fact that everything you said could be used as my definition that just makes us the friends we are, but whatever it is, it works. Your definition fits you perfect because I see all of that whenever I have a conversation with you. As for dedication, you are probably the most dedicated person I know. Not only have you fought for everything but you have done it without cheating. You didn’t cheat your way on to varsity freshman, you earned it. You have earned everything and you are right you do pump up the party, especially when we are “on fire” and have so much fun together!
ReplyDelete"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
ReplyDeleteHarvey Fierstein
Sorry, it just seemed to fit.
Paola- I like how you show that all humans are imperfect. Everyone has something in there being that they themselves are not proud of.
ReplyDeleteHannah- I love how you broke up your personality into different modes. You don’t label yourself as one constant person because you don’t always act like the same person. You really showed me that our moods really evoke what kind of person we really are.
Alix- I had fun reading your pronunciation key, I kept repeating it out loud haha. I’m a lot like you I have very high standards but low expectations of others.
Am I happy with my life right now? Yes I am. Although I have mountains of work, they’re manageable. What makes me the most happy is who I have grown to be. In the past, the unkind words of other people affected me greatly. Words like chink and nerd used to puncture holes in my heart. In contrast, even a lack of words hurt me. When in a room with unfamiliar people, I used to feel a burning need to interact with others so that they wouldn’t think that I was weird. I needed to fit in. However, I don’t anymore.
ReplyDeleteThe other day, people surrounded me in gym, but I was alone. I knew the other kids, but none of them were really my friends. What did I do? I walked over to the padded gym wall and comfortably sat down. Completely happy with myself, I observed the other kids mingle around, and noticed one boy in particular. He was one of those socially unaccepted kids that no one wanted to be seen associating with. He stood alone, smiling at everyone, but talking to no one. It was easy to see that he wanted to find a group in which he could belong to, but it was also easy to see that no group would accept him. Now, I’m a good person who does good deeds, but I’m only good when I feel like it, and at that time, my goodness-meter counted point five out of a hundred points. I looked at the boy, and thought he was weak.
I’m a strong person. I can’t bench three hundred pounds, but I’m still strong—mentally strong. When others moan about their homework overload, I don’t. When others cry about how they no longer talk to their best friend, I don’t. When others sadden over family changes, I don’t. It’s a complicated world, and to dwell on every minute problem wastes productive time. I’m not saying I never cry, because I do. I cried once when my mom exploded with anger, and slapped me across the face. I quickly readjusted myself, however, and resumed with life.
I do what I want in life, and manage my time accordingly. While others perceive as work, whether school related, house related, occupation related, or anything related, as something they have to do, I don’t. I choose to do work because I know that it will help me in the future. The only things I see that are mandatory are biological needs such as sleep, hunger, and thirst that must be satisfied. These needs, to me, are a waste of time and if I could, I would eliminate these needs because they rob me of time that could be used for more productive activities. Productive activities include activities that lead to happiness. They can yield either initial happiness or happiness in the future. Such productive activities include playing games, playing basketball, or doing work.
Sometimes it’s difficult to choose between future happiness, work, over initial happiness, play, but I am a motivated. My motivation leads me to outwork others in school and in sports. What people don’t know is that I’m neither an intelligent person nor a gifted pole-vaulter. They don’t see me studying at night, or practicing Saturday mornings during the season. They don’t see a lot of things. They don’t see my hunger for success, my drive for perfection, or my desire for greatness. All my achievements in life are due to my hard work and confidence—not good looks, not natural talent, not help from other people.
I’m a very independent person. I like to work on school projects alone, to be home alone, and to have time alone. I am stubborn, as I tend to reject other people’s advice and claims. If I were to accept the words of other people, I would first have to conduct some research on their words in order justify their accuracy. Oh, the swine flu shot good for me? Let me research some facts before I agree with you.
Unfortunately, I can’t research who I am. If I could, I would, but there are simply no facts, proofs, or logical explanations to define me. Who I am is subject to change as I grow. So as of today, on November 11, 2009, at exactly 9:04 PM, my definition of me is as follows:
Simon Leslie Vuong- A happy boy, maintaining happiness through hard work and a unique set of personal qualities.
Jon Williams- I really like your reference to always wanting to be in the drivers seat. I am exactly that way. I hate hate when others try to control me or want to mess up my routine it irks me. Your blog was really good by the way, it showed me a different side to you!
ReplyDeleteKelsey-
ReplyDeleteAs I told you a couple minutes ago, you extremely underestimate youself. I don't blame Uroosa calling you perfect, although no one is actually perfect. Sorry Roo, but I really cannot stand the word. Anyways, your introductory paragraph was filled with amazing accomplishments that make me jealous! However, you seem quite confused of who you really are. The Junior class President is more down to Earth than most would conclude. It's okay if you can't answer that question, for we're always changing. In my blog, I focused more on the definition of my present-day self. I got frustrated, and it seemed like you did too, but it's supposed to get us frustrated. Fortunately, there is always one person who does know the true you, and you definitley have that. It's always great to have that one person, isn't it?
Chrissy – If it makes you feel any better, my facebook question was going to be about di Diego’s class! However, on the topic of facebook questions, every single one of mine were about field hockey. I was beginning to wonder if anyone knew me as anyone else. As much as everyone in this world thinks that people are sometimes the same, every person is different and I loved how you emphasized that in your blog. People spend so much time trying to be as skinny or pretty as someone, when everyone is different. You’re definition was actually pretty inspiring, di Diego would be proud.
ReplyDeleteUroosa- To follow up on the comment you wrote about me, all I can say is WOW. As for your comment, I couldn’t agree more. I HATE when people ignore me. Whether they are mad, or just plain rude it is really hard to know that they can’t even give you the time of day. When I first met you I was like who is this crazy, funny, amazing girl?! If only you should up to Spanish I would be able to scream across the room to you even more. It is okay to fear things, they only make us stronger! Uroosa, please come to Spanish, so we can catch up!
To Deanna:
ReplyDeleteI kind of felt the same way. I really didn’t like this blog at all. I didn’t want to define myself. We’re constantly changing and I agree when you say ‘Humans are far too complex, too contradictory..’. We are! We’re confusing. We say one thing and sometime in our life we’re likely to contradict it. I had a hard time too… but I answered what I knew best about me and that was it. Then I just rambled on but anyways I liked what you wrote… your confidence about yourself shows.
To KTG:
Your are so animated! Ha ha, your humor shines in your writing and I love that! Anyways I’m kind of like you, always laughing to avoid anything serious and acting like I’m okay when I hurt myself. Just last week I slid on my wooden floor and bent my finger so bad that I ended up having a big fat bruise. My mom said if I was okay and I acted like it didn’t even hurt me when really it hurt me a lot (ha ha). I guess I like proving how strong I am, even physically. But then again sometimes I don’t… humans are full of contradictions!! (sorry I was referring to what Deanna wrote while I was writing this).
To Kyra:
Just want to say hey and we’re kind of on the same page. Even though you have a lot on your mind I know you will definitely know who you are sometime in the future. Everybody has their own pace of discovering themselves, and after reading yours I realized this much more clearly. Not everybody will know who they are at the age of fifteen, sixteen, or seventeen. We’re still experiencing the world! I know I am. It took me forever to think of mine and it wasn’t even much… I was lost as much as you were in the beginning.
Who am I? I am an alien, a foreigner, maybe even an extraterrestrial. I am inhuman.
ReplyDeleteDon’t send me to the Teen Center psychologist just yet though. I don’t actually believe these things. But sometimes, oftentimes, I feel them. I feel like I don’t belong and sometimes I wonder if I ever will.
Relationships are built on openness. I don’t enjoy opening up to people. I really don’t enjoy opening up to a Word document that will be copied, pasted, and posted for upwards of forty people to read, but that’s beside the point. I’ve never felt comfortable expressing myself to people. When I was younger, my mom would always ask “What are you feeling?” or “Why are you frustrated?” when I was upset. At seven-years-old, I would tell my mom that I didn’t want to talk about it and later I would admit that I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know what she wanted me to say. I continued to explain that if I said what she wanted to hear, I wouldn’t have to keep talking about it. Pretty smart for a little kid if you ask me. Though impressively strategic, I wasn’t truly smart in avoiding personal discussion. The tendency to do so has been prevalent even as I’ve grown older and supposedly matured. The only thing I’m better at now is avoiding being asked what I’m feeling.
I wish that I weren’t as guarded as I am. When I was younger, I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know what the person on the other end wanted to hear. Now, there are times when I want to say something, but I don’t know what to say because I don’t know who I am or what I’m feeling. I live in a perpetual cycle of introversion, masked by extroversion in other areas, but I’ll address that in some later blog or OP. In not knowing who I am, I don’t build strong relationships and therefore don’t fit in well with a group. But I feel like relationships are a huge part of who a person is, so by not engaging in strong relationships, I lack such a substantiation to my being. Basically, my inability to open up has damaged my sense of who I am, but because I have yet to figure out who I am, I don’t have a whole lot to open up about.
Notice I said, “I have yet to figure out who I am.” I’m convinced that as I grow and go through certain trials, and meet different people, and learn new things, I will find my niche. Whether it’s while I’m still in high school, or when I go to college, or even when I start a family, I will one day know for sure who I am. I don’t know whether I’ll have a moment of epiphany or if it will come on as a gradual assurance, but I know it will happen. I may not be confident in who I am now, but I am confident that I will figure it out. I know this is short, but it’s all I got. For now.
Deanna aka Kale Nagasaki:
ReplyDelete"I cannot be defined. I refuse to be."
Your immediate refusal and honesty is the primary stance I thought about when writing my blog. I cannot just "define" myself. I may be one person, but I am a million different descriptions. Thus, I believe a person is way too genuine and complicated to be narrowed into a brief summary. I can't really fathom that idea. As you wrote, you don't want to be put into a box. I, likewise, can't really put myself in a nutshell. I tried, however, and came up with the best possible definition of Chrissy Hartzell as I could. You, on the contrary, are a blog diva and go beyond expectations. I seriously admire everything you write every week. No, I'm not your blog stalker, I just enjoy reading your personable and extremely well-written responses. Your integrity is so apparent, and talking in the third person doesn't hurt either. It just makes your confidence all the more diaphanous. =D
Awwh, thanks Chrissy. :] I always appreciate your comments and I'm glad you enjoy my blogs. ^_^
ReplyDeletePooja:
ReplyDeleteWhen you said that you were too optimistic about everything, I yelled "FALSE!" but not out loud, because that'd be weird. You can't be too optimistic unless it's to the point that you're totally lying to yourself. And I don't think you are. Like you said later on, optimism makes you strong.
Personally, when I get into a mode of pessimistic thinking, my performance struggles. As a goalkeeper, I need to put things behind me and be as optimistic as possible and say, "Alright, that one got by. Next time I need to stay lower, or explode higher, or be more cautious in my approach. But sometimes, I get a little pessimistic and down on myself. Then, my heads not right for the next play and I get flustered. Next thing I know, I make the same mistake again.
Stay optimistic and don't let anything get you down!
Kaitlin H:
ReplyDeleteIt’s unfortunate that many people can’t be their true selves all the time isn’t it? We are most beautiful when we are our true selves and since most people don’t see our true selves, they don’t see us when we are most beautiful.
I liked how you referred to yourself in third person. It was both interesting and effective. I also liked how you noted that your definition is still growing. I liked it so much that I made sure to include the same idea in my own post.
Pooja:
“Who am I? I’m not so sure… but here’s what I think!” I liked that intro. I didn’t think about that idea before, but after reading that sentence, I think you and I are on the same page regarding the question, “Who am I?”
It’s funny how your definition of strength matched mine. You explain how you don’t let one bad grade ruin your day and how you quickly move on. In my explanation of strength I explain how I didn’t let one argument with my mom ruin my day, and how I quickly moved on.
It’s good to be optimistic. I would prefer optimism to pessimism any day. It’s better to “keep the atmosphere good and cheery” than to keep it bad and sad.
Jon W:
“But before I go on this rant I’d like to say that almost everyone in the AP program are excluded from this because for one they have aspirations beyond the fast food industry. A lot of my fellow students in Oakcrest (none that I associate with) are such lazy idiots. Plain and simple. All of the assholes that think their hot shit in high school don’t understand yet that after this it’s over. After their senior year their lives as they know it are over and I feel bad for them… I look beyond the now and what my actions will do to my future.”
Jon, I agree; I agree; I agree. I don’t know about you, but because I “have aspirations beyond the fast food industry,” I always tell myself, “I’m better than you. After high school, I’ll be more successful.” When I say you, I don’t mean actually mean you. I’m referring to all those “assholes” that think they’re “hot shit” who don’t know that life continues after high school. We as AP students work so hard now because we all are aware that our actions now will affect our future later.
I liked how you started a lot of your sentences with the word I. The repetition added a strong, for a lack of a better word, definition feel to it.
Kaitlin Hare:
ReplyDeleteYour intro is amazing. I'm going to go back and finish reading your post now.
Kristen DeStefano- 1)A naive, yet intelligent girl who believes that all people will live up to everything they say. 2) A talkative, loud, outgoing, bubbly, yet sometimes obnoxious person who isn't afraid to speak her mind. 3) A dreamer; The girl farthest away from being realistic. Someone very indecisive. 4) An artistic and creative girl who prefers things that are logical.
ReplyDeleteI think that's the simplest way I can truly describe me. Now let me elaborate:
1) My intelligence is shown mainly in academics, which carries on to the way I act and speak. When my eyes lose focus from the books and studies, however I'm very naive. I can't look past innocence and recognize that people aren't always who they say they are. My mind tells me that I can't believe everything people tell me, but my heart leads me to believe that everyone has good intention. Everyone, to me, tells the truth eventually, but it is too hard for me to decipher when that time comes. I'm often let down by people because I find out that they are different than what they told me, yet I continue to trust so many people. I believe that all promises are kept, though I know that that's untrue. I think sometimes I just lie to myself.
2)There's usually always a smile on my face, whether I'm on the field cheering, on stage singing, or just sitting with a group of people. It's rare to find me in a bad mood. I'm a friendly, bubbly person that talks quite a lot. I hate silence; I'm the one to break it. I tend to make friends easily because I'm very outgoing, but I don't want that to be mistaken for being overly confident. I'm just always looking to have a fun time. :)
3) My mom decides what I want for dinner at a restaurant. I can't ever seem to decide for myself. I still have no idea what I want to pursue in life. My dreams get in the way of my reality. I'm asked every day if I thought of a career. My answer: "No. The only thing I can ever see myself doing is standing on stage. I feel like I don't belong anywhere else. I know, I know; I need to get realistic." I'm a dreamer. Why waste academics on something that is way to out of reach? I ask myself, but I can't seem to find the answer. I suppose the answer is passion.
4) I used to write poetry and songs. I used to draw and paint as well. I'm very creative, have many ideas, and I like to be expressive. Yet somehow, I prefer solving (Yes I'm going to say it. Close your eyes Ms. Bunje!) a math problem rather than exploring the intentions of an author. I think more logically and have no care as to why something is. To me, it just is. End.
I feel like I just contradicted myself in a few of those paragraphs, but it makes sense.
Kaitlin Hare:
ReplyDeleteThe rest of your post was equally as great. It was well-written, but most importantly, it said something. I enjoyed reading it because I could relate to pieces of it. Even when I didn't find myself saying, "Hmmm I know what you mean," you quickly and concisely said what you wanted to say in an extremely comprehensive way. Good job.
This is the second time I've ever been asked this perplexing question. I have thought about it ever since a friend asked me a year ago, but I've never been able to find a real answer. I just don't know who I am and who I will be. It is as if I'm a secret from myself and I can't seem to uncover me.
ReplyDeleteInside, I'm a thrill-seeker. When I was first exposed to adrenaline rushes, I fell in love. Seriously, I felt like I had to have that feeling with me forever. I desperately want to climb Mt. Everest, go sky diving, bungee jumping, and swimming with sharks. The feeling of climbing to the top of the world, jumping down from hundreds of miles above the earth, plunging off of a bridge to what feels like your death, and swimming with the lions of the sea is exciting, amazing and...indescribable to me. I may seem crazy to some people...and I must admit, I am. I'm also a risk-taker. Recently, I've taken risks I would never have dreamed of before. I don't plan on stopping either, haha. Even though the risks I've taken haven't all ended up the way I wanted them to, I'm glad I took them because without them I wouldn't have had the chance to experience new things. I'm also a contradictor. Aren't we all? As much as I'm afraid of my anonymous future, I like not knowing the outcome of things, you know, the feeling of suspense.
I guess you can call me an angry person. I'm angry with what most of the people in this world have become. Greedy, self-seeking, and arrogant. (Of course, not everyone in the world are like this, jut a large mass of them.) I know a lot of this anger is unnecessary and being angry at the majority of the world is harsh, but I can't help it. It's not as if I'm going to go on a rampage and start punching these people in the face, I keep my anger to myself, but I wish I could give a speech to the world to let them know.
I'm also a confused soul. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do.I don't know who to go to. Every night I lay in bed thinking about life and where I'm going to go. I always end up confusing myself ten times more than before. My mind wanders around too many possibilities leaving me in complete befuzzlement.
When I asked them, my friends call me caring, compassionate, unique, kind, beautiful, humble, funny, sarcastic, exciting, and good hearted. I call myself annoying, angry, confused, boring, different, mellow and passionate. These all compile to create part of who I am and the other part I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know. It'll just be another secret enigma for me to try to discover.
So with all this said, Maryam (Mah-ree-yuhm) n. 1. An angry human with aspirations to do crazy, life-risking things in life. 2. A confused soul who does not know what to do, where to go, who to believe. 3. A girl still trying to discover who she is.
Who am I? Oh crap. Well, in simple terms, I think my emotions, my feeling and how I act, and my personality are the result of mostly environmental factors and the actions of others, and I'm just fine with that.
ReplyDeleteI feel accustomed to my personality being dictated by the environment around me. I like adapting. I know this sounds rather not strong or enlightening for all those “realize your inner potential” people, but I'm very dependent on the world for how I feel, and I think recognizing that has certainly made me a much happier person – though I don't always look too happy in school, but hey, it's high school, not the most fun of a place, ever, and even though I look uninterested in school, I feel relaxed and focused and comfortable and ready for anything unexpected, not letting foreign emotions take hold of me (by foreign, I mean emotions that could be otherwise described as a sign of personal independence, AKA the way quite a few of you guys act very often, not that there's anything wrong with that for you, just for me) I feel confident and engaged, even when I look depressed and dead. If anybody's been reading up their motivational quotes in the ol' Oakcrest tracker, I remember there being a quote of Maya Angelou stating “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude,” and I can't change a lot of things, so I force myself to change my attitude about it (maybe that's part of why why I look depressed 24/7 too).
Now, I don't think my personality is as simple as being able to change on command to any given situation, as much as I wish I could – though, I'd probably go insane doing that – but I introspect, a lot, and I find that, very many times, it's hard to break from one attitude to another. If I knew why, maybe I wouldn't hold so many grudges or become borderline-suicidal after every argument with my mom. I know in certain situations, I might just be unfamiliar with trying to take on a certain persona (i.e., being romantic or being forced to play baseball – I hate baseball) but I feel like the biggest struggle internally for me, is mentally adapting to a changing world every day. I feel like I hold on to old feelings so much that I lose a lot of the newfound happiness that comes with every good day. I wish I could live in the moment, but I find myself too stuck on certain old emotions that I can't focus on today as much as I'd like. So I guess that's just me, chained to the world around me as a dictator of my mentality, whether that's a gift or a curse remains to be seen.
Deanna:
ReplyDeleteI read your blog and I liked it. I really felt it and I agree with how you said that defining a person doesn't quite give them justice, but in the end, I was left with one question. I read Kale Nagasaki's reply, but who is this Deanna Nardy I hear about? You, Deanna Nardy, are strong and independent and FIERCE. Remember that.
Paola - It's sad to know that there are people like that here. People already have a hard enough time gaining confidence in themselves, and finding themselves, but then they have to have others put them down completely thinking they have the right.
ReplyDeleteDickins (JV) -
So this definition of me, is quite acurate. Most people know me as this fashionable confident young man that has guts. But is it really? I'd like to think so.
HAHA. JV, to be 100% sure of who you are, what you want, and your reasons for the things you do is amazing. I look up to you because you're so confident, and when I'm around you, I feel confident too. You have this weird aura that makes everyone happy and...I don't know how to describe it. You're just a people person...you're an everyone person! If you went to another planet with aliens, you would work it and become #1 on that planet. hahahhahaa I don't know what I'm saying. I love you!
Taylor-
ReplyDeleteWow, I should have taken some pointers from Fiona. You're right: it isn't who you are but WHAT you are. I agree, you definitely are a compulsive addict. That isn't a bad thing. This blog is kind of convenient, for we were JUST talking endlessly about what we are last night. Your urban dictionary definition, ironically, is pretty accurate too! Except for the whole blonde hair/ blue eyes thing, but you are blonde in the play! Back to the blog, it was very personable and it really got me thinking. You and Fiona, as learned from last night, really helped me figure out how to interpret myself, as well as make myself who i want to be. Your (and mine soon enough) motto: I DO WHUD I WUNT!
And you always say "tehe"!! Stop!
Maryum R:
ReplyDelete"This is the second time I've ever been asked this perplexing question. I have thought about it ever since a friend asked me a year ago, but I've never been able to find a real answer."
You sound like the author of "A Jerk" here. Just saying.
Kaitlin --
ReplyDelete"She likes to be reassured that people honestly care about her because she doubts people a lot."
I don't know whether you realize it or not, but I care about you a lot. We may not be BFFLs, but you do know a lot about me. haha. I remember back to freshmen year gym and how we basically poured our hearts out everyday. I know we don't do that now since we rarely see each other in classes and stuff, but I just want you to know that if you ever wanted to talk, I'm there for you! I don't think you are boring, or uninteresting, or any of those yucky words you used to describe yourself! You're ah-mazinggggg!
Lucas!!! So I think I'm one of the few people who actually know who you are, and I'm glad you've realized that you don't have to change that. Sure, you were a little weirder (the whole air casserole you told people to ask me about). When we were younger though, you did have much more drive. It was quite inspirational to see that you achieved everything you wanted to. When you changed, you made friends that didn't really know the true you, and so they weren't true friends. You're true friends will like you for who you really are. Your blog was very well done, and I think it's great that you finally want people to see who you are.
ReplyDeleteAlex V.-
ReplyDeleteQuit saying "sorry" and "I don't know" and all of those shenanigans. You're blog, in my opinion, was right on the spot! The postscript was totally unnecessary because you should be more confident in your personal responses! It was both well written and well thought out. The thing that really popped out the most was definitley your final definition. Mercurial. I 110% agree. I, as well, am mercurial. All of us are mercurial, so it's pretty difficult to just define us in our present state. I hadn't really thought of the perfect word for my response, but mercurial definitely hits the spot!
Six long and tough years have been dedicated and spent on trying to discover the core to Brynne Kessler. Each of those memorable 6 years, I struck no luck and sadly conformed to the predictable response of “I don’t know who I am, but truly that is a cover up because recently I have discovered that I know who I am exactly.
ReplyDeleteWhenever you see the name Brynne Elizabeth Kessler the first word attached is “Hard Worker.” When coaches ask their teammates to put 100% of effort into a game, a practice, or whatever it is, I am the person who puts 110 % of my effort. I am the one who has to study for hours just to understand, comprehend and decipher everything I am learning and to be able to stay afloat and up to par with the rest of my classmates. I am the one who had to push herself to unbearable measures just to make it where she is today. I remember I use to envy my brother and along with a few friends because everything seem to come naturally to them. For instance my brother is naturally smart, some of my friends are amazing writers or just brilliantly smart and insightful , some talented in sports, and some who are naturally funny. I am not saying that they put no effort into any of them, but what I am saying is anything I have ever done in my life has been based off of me always having to work hard to even achieve average. .Now a days I no longer curse my fate that I am not a natural at anything, that I have to work hard at everything from school, relationships, running and life in order to maintain all of those things. I embrace it with open arms because I know one day it’s going to pay off.
Everyone I know basically knows that I am a runner; I mean it’s literally my life. The reason why I am a compulsive runner is simple because it derives from what I call the inner Brynne. I am compulsive, obsessive and addictive, basically both the same thing, but I like things to be a certain why and if they are not I go crazy!! For instance, my room I would not say up to par as clean and organized as my mom would want it, but for the most part its very clean. I absolutely hate when my friends come over and throw their bags all over the place. It drives the inner Brynne nuts, so being so compulsive I often sounds mean but yell at them to pick up their stuff or I do it myself because everything has to be in order or I feel my world goes chaotic. I am very obsessed with running and basically addicted to it, but if running was out of the equation I would still act in that manner. For example my whole life I have been obsessed with eyelashes, it sounds weird, but I can’t help it’s who I am. Since I am so addictive I am usually addicted and obsessed with anything that excites me! Since, I am very compulsive I am a very anxious person. I worry about every little detail and thing, I will probably have 17 ulcers by the time I am thirty. I think that is why I love to exercise so much because I release some of that anxiety that I hold. It’s hard for me to fall asleep because I am always worried about something or someone and it’s hard for me to sit still because I am always anxious because I feel that time is slipping away and I am not doing what I am suppose to be doing with this time.
My mom when I was younger always referred to my constant questioning as being nosy, but really what I word I define that attribute as is curious. I am beyond curious about everything and that’s mainly because I am naïve. Yes, I have been through many life experiences should not be embarked at a young age, but yet I feel a foreigner to the outside world. I am curious to how two people spend a whole lifetime together, I am curious about how the world was formed, I am curious on people’s life outside of school, and basically I am curious about anything. For instance, people will tell me their injuries in cross country and like most they will forget what it was called, but I literally I am that curious that I will go home and research what the injury is all about.
ReplyDeleteI may have the worst advice ever but I am a pretty good listener and I am very loyal. I make sure that my friends, family know that I am here to listen to them vent about the current issues in their life. I have always been this way it’s easy for me to sit there and listen rather than be the one to give advice. I think that is why strangers have the tendency to come up to me and give me blow to blow detail on their life because I try not to judge, I simple sit there and make sure they know that I am here. I am a good listener, but I can be distracted so easily, that is why I think it takes me like a billion hours to do homework. The minute I see my cell phone, or see someone doing something more exciting I tend to gravitate to that area. I just hate doing something for a long period of time, I like to get a thrill out of something new.
I know others may categorize me as bubbly, or friendly but I feel that is true to the inner Brynne. I have lived life on the dark side for quite some time know, and I just want to be happy and smiley. I can be mature and serious when needed to be, but the true inner Brynne is very playful, feisty but lovable all at the same time.
Brynnie- noun- a hard working girl, with obsessive compulsive tendencies and a worrywart persona, who is curious about the world, gets distracted easily, but at the same time is a good listener and very bubbly.
Chrissy:
ReplyDelete"* love at first sight. NOT love at first life. That just sounds ridiculous."
Let me just say that this *correction made me literally laugh out loud. Honestly I didn't even notice the mistake when I read your actual blog though, haha.
Okay now for my real response. I too believe in love at first sight, but my pessimism doesn't allow be to believe it'll ever happen. I love the romanticism of it, and the idea that someone can FALL IN LOVE, merely by looking at you. Now I don't really remember where I was going with this response but I just wanted to say that I empathized. :)
Maryum: It's so interesting to read your blog. What we thought we knew about people all changes when we read these blogs. No offense, but I would've never described you as being a thrill seeker. I think it's great to see who people really are.
ReplyDeleteKTG- You would be the same person if you never had drawing, i am sure of it!! You make humor out of everything and that's why I think we got along so well because you are all about wanting to make life fun. You made some memorable moments for me 10th grade year adn especially in Gazo's :)
ReplyDeleteLukie!
ReplyDelete-You genuinely enjoy being around other people? Holy crap! It seems like whenever something amazing happens to you, you just reject it and shrug it off, and when something happens to someone else, you never cheer them on. Maybe that's just me, or maybe that's just the old you, or the old new you, or whatever. Anyway, my best recommendation for you to re-find yourself would be to just go extreme; go skydiving or something, or at least try to openly seek out things that you would've otherwise sought, and try not to care what other people thing, you can most likely beat them up.
Justin H.
-I think, if you really want people to “notice” you, you would put yourself out there more, and it's not that hard. Say funny stuff in German and History (almost anything is funny in those classes) and just really relax. I don't know if it's just me, but you seem really stressed out, like nervous-stressed, all the time. But if you are just really relaxed, then I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Simon
-I wish I was you, at least right now; you seem like the happiest kid in the world, like you can just pick out anything in a situation and just make it make you laugh. I sorta try to surround myself with happy things and wait for them to diffuse into me, but I wish I could use the method you seem to use more often. Though whenever I see someone like you (though usually not as smart and as obviously happy) they get called insane or retarded, but I don't have a problem with that at all. Have you ever noticed how happy “retarded” people are?
Here I am: the ghost of a shadow. Endlessly shifting and floating, I observe all. Hands reach for me and try to mold me into a paperweight for their thousands of remissions and indecisions. I rise above the occasion. I surround myself with these secret enemies, the people I understand least, until I can borrow their eyes and share in the admiration they hold for themselves. When I can relate to them as easily as I can one of my own limbs, like the most skilled specter, I transcend. I swing wide open the door to myself. I let orphaned ideas, experiences, and passions follow me home. I take them in. I nurture and raise them. Finally they take on spirits of their own and raise me. I, mighty, towering, starved, tiptoe around the seeds I plant in my own backyard. I sing the saplings to sleep, and await their coming in glory. Someday they will fly through my window, and awake me as children do on Christmas morning. My eyes will look up at guardians of truth and light that will live on long past the day when I wilt into the earth they were born in. For now, I erupt in passion, plentiful enough to rain upon the world and let all be fulfilled. I sustain myself on enlightenment and experience. I dive into the wells centered in the faces around me. I never dip my toe in first. I plunge into their clouded dreams and all the ideas they can’t assign words to. Such is my right, my claim to life.
ReplyDeleteMany different names, have I. Hider of snowflakes, luminosity of clouds, familiar evanescence of dreams, dance of the flame, poetry, I will come, when you call any of them. When search lights pound on the world and my door, I materialize into the form of kindness and sincerity. They are always me, yet are not who I am. They are the fleeting realization of safety and comfort. No matter how many times I give this to the faces and lives most drained of humanity, it cannot constrain me. Arms reach out into the night, the world over, and flames wave over the eternal darkness. Their vivid glow is small when it cowers in stillness, but as movement lets it spread across the sky it becomes full and alive. I have discovered the same is true of me. The thousands of little actions no one ever sees create a picture great enough to immerse the entire sky in brightness.
Shirley: "I act decisively, but many times I can never decide because of all the other possibilities." I'm the same way. It's always hard for me to decide on things because I'm always confused and worrying about whether or not this is the right choice or another possibility. I hate that about me. I wish I could just choose and be done with it. Haha.
ReplyDeleteLucas: "I don’t exist. I used to, but then one day I just disappeared. I used to know who I was, and back then I would have been able to answer this question with speed and clarity. However, for the past three years or so I have been missing in action, with no one that cared enough to bother searching for me. "
I know how you feel because this happened to me too. I was thinking about this and how a few years ago I could have answered this question, not with ease, but I could have given a little definition of myself. But, of course, we all change and I guess I've changed to the point where I can't really identify myself. :/
Deanna/ Kale: You always have a clever way of answering the blog and not answering the question!
"Humans are too far complex, too contradictory, too evanescent, too much to be put into a few words."
This is so true. I don't even think a book can define a single person. I don't think you can ever safely say "there, I've totally defined that person." because a person can never fully be defined.We are "far too complex" for that to happen.
Kaitlin: Your opening was amazing. I just laughed a lot! You're so funny without even trying. I love that you can be so versatile, and I love that you "save the real Kaitlin Hare for the people who will appreciate her." I think that most people try to hide who they really are, but you don't hide it. You just save it. You only hide it from the people you know aren't worth the time. I wish I knew how to decide who those people are though.
ReplyDeleteI am the Mexicans next door; the ideal family living the dream; the teenage slut with what's known to be as gonorrhea; the crystal-meth addict searching for an angry fix; the average, boring student that walks from hallway to hallway, unnoticed; the lord, the savior, Jesus Christ; oh, and Satan, too. I am her. I am him. I am you, you, and especially you. I am nobody and everybody. Yet, I am...
ReplyDeleteIsabella Amor Peralejo (iz-uh-Bel-uh/Eh-mor/per-uh/ˈLā-ˈhō)
Function: Freaking awesome pronoun
Etymology: Spanish
Date: 06/October/2009
1. a. Ever-changing specie-men that possess mystical visions, possibly inhumane. b. One who is in harmony and sync with nature, the world, and her body, mind and soul.
Synonyms: Classical, One-of-a-kind.
I'm left clueless on who I am, in fact, I'm never sure about who I am.
Mare- You are def a thrill- seeker lol, you have done some crazy things girl lol! You have often times got my adrenaline pumping. I don't think that your are necessarily an angry person I just think that you are a very hurt person and don't let your hurt define who you are. Also, you are a very confused person but I am talking in a humurous manner because I think in life you know what you want and I think that you have a pretty clear view on where you see yourself in 10 years, but overall you are a wonderful person mare :)
ReplyDeleteKyle:
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, when have amazing things happened to me that I just shrugged off? Second, I prefer to congratulate people individually instead of screaming it. I'm pretty sure I know what you're talking about here.
Lukie's comment on Deanna's comment on Lukie's post:
ReplyDelete-Those weird little comments under your breath make it seem like you don't want to talk to people even more. SAY STUFF OUT LOUD! Unless it's something inappropriate or one of those inside jokes, I think you should just raise your freaking hand more often and say stuff out loud. It seems like even during a football game when everyone's loud and screaming, you just mumble “God Damnit...” or “Yeah...” or something. Scream a little, in football and in Lang, because even if you don't know what's too much or too little, at least in these venues you have a little leeway to say a little too much than in most other places.
Kyle
ReplyDeleteI don’t think it can be all environmental factors. We are too close to ourselves to be able to really judge ourselves, so we miss out on a lot that is purely us or really unique. You don’t have to adapt all the time. Sometimes it is resistance that truly creates us. I do however admire your honesty.
Uroosa
Being afraid can help you and make you more self aware. However I don’t think you have any reason to be afraid. Anyone you hates or rejects you is a complete idiot and deserves to be shunned. I love how you can make yourself so vulnerable, that shows a lot of courage, which is something I wish I had more of.
Alexandra V-
ReplyDelete“Everything that I am could be altered. My personality, my looks, my abilities, everything could be taken away from me and changed for the better or the worse.” I like how you looked at “being yourself” as just a change to one’s self which can be altered by any outside force. Unlike many others you took being “yourself” as just a reaction to the outside world and stimuli which made me think. Aren’t we just who we are by where we grow up and interact with?
Jourdan -
“Who am I? I am an alien, a foreigner, maybe even an extraterrestrial. I am inhuman.” Your form of writing is intriguing, you often use very comical ways of explaining the most basic of aspects. Here, I thought it was quite clever as explaining yourself as being distant not in the way of society, but so far off that a different world could not succumb to the comparison.
Pooja-
“ Like when I get an F on a test. I won’t cry or let it ruin my day, I’ll simply move on within a matter of seconds and convince myself I’ll do better next time.” Unlike you, I have found it very hard to move on from things. It is often an ironed-in mindset that once I have a bad aspect to my life it burgeons, I try to move on but there is always a little voice in my head reminding me of it. I envy your total lack of living in the past, and moving on with every new aspect of life.
I've met millions of faces, with every single one inspiring me in various ways, not necessarily always good, either. However, I'm not a simple copy-and-paste because I can not stress on how much I can't stand to see one coping another person's swagger. But, at the same time, I look at every individual, beautiful and ugly, and I will still be able to reveal something far more interesting than anything a machine could print out. With that said, I become inspired, and not even just by humans, but also by nature too. I become inspired, and orchestrate my ideas, perspectives and views on life thoroughly, and then voola, a symphony is sung: I am me. Isabella Amor Peralejo.
ReplyDelete(my two parts were separated, just to let you know!)
ReplyDeleteAlexis Leigh Bolisay (uh lex iz lay bowl ee sai) - noun. 1) the most reckless, impulsive person you will ever meet, with the best intentions in the world. 2) a nonbeliever in reality. 3) dreamer, lover, fighter 4) demon, seductress, poison. 5) passionate.
ReplyDeleteDespite my good intentions, I tend to mess things up for everyone. I am so completely reckless. I've been that way since birth, I believe. When something approaches me, I react in half a second later, with the craziest logic in mind. In my head, everything is wrong. "Is this it? That's why? Can I do this? Do it. Done." Things are justified in the strangest way to me, and it never turns out right. When I explain my logic to people, they never get it. By the time I fully understand why I did something, I'm already tangled in a billion more things that I have no time to go back and fix the things I did before. Along with my crazy logic and recklessness, I tend to refuse anything that is "realistic". If I have a problem with my relationship, everyone's like, "Well this is life. This is how it is." I say, "No, it doesn't have to be." I believe that people can have their own little personal perfection. Things can be like a fairy tale if we really tried, things can be like the movies, they just can. I never believe that anything is just the way it is. Anything's possible. This all makes me a dreamer, a lover, a fighter. I always try to fight for what's right. All the time. But it never turns out right, making my abilities at persuasion pointless and looked down upon, making me a seductress, poison. But I will always be passionate, always follow my best intentions. Alexis Bolisay is passionate. Passionate in every way.
Sarah Lombardo:
ReplyDeleteBe my girlfriend, seriously. I'll end ties with Ben. Okay, I'm just kidding... maybe. (I'm straight, it's a joke! Go ahead and L-O-L).
Sarah, your writing lured me in, and kept me reading with 100tps (thoughts per second). I love the fact that you make me feel that I'm not alone. You make me feel that that I am not the only one who has an entirely different perspective than the world. I loved the fact that you didn't go into the normal tangent like, "I am this, and that, and that, and this." Instead, you went a completely different way. Bravo, girly. You deserve a stand ovation-- the blog-post was phenomenal.
Stephanie W - I wish I was cautious as you are. I'm never logical about anything, and that completely drives my life crazy!
ReplyDeleteMegan - It's not exactly a problem that you're cautious. It really isn't. If I was more cautious, it'd make life easier and less hectic. It's a get attribute, I'm not exactly proud of being reckless.
Jourdan - I think you saying that you're an "alien" is completely a good thing. I love that you're not afraid to be yourself and make sure that everyone knows who you really are and what you feel and think. It's so refreshing. It's good to be around happy people like you. :]
Lukie's comment on my comment on Lukie:
ReplyDeleteReference my comment on Lukie's comment on Deanna's comment on Lukie's post here:
Lukie – One: whenever you, say, throw a good fade in practice, like you often do, you never seem happy about it, until like half an hour later when you're like “remember my fade, it was awesome, right” and I'm like “no” because already dozens of memorable things have already happened since. Oh, and, was it the Hammonton game or the EHT game wherein we were down by a TD in the fourth and you were going to QB the winning drive, and when I just tried to motivate you like everyone else you just said “Fuck you!” like I was verbally abusing you or something. It's like you always consider something that's trying to incite emotion out of you as an attack or embarrassment of your character, like when someone calls you Lukie, or “cute,” and second: I think screaming out a cheer for someone is a lot more effective than leaning in and muttering “good job” like you always do.
Kyle S:
ReplyDeleteFirst, it was Hammonton. Second, I don't seem happy because there is more work to be done and I am, or at least used to be, a perfectionist. I get more mad at messing up than I get happy at succeeding. Third, did I really say that? Maybe I was, I don't know, really nervous? But still, I can't believe I said that, if I in fact did. Fourth, I HATE the word cute!
Teh-Pay-Palm:
ReplyDeleteI was serious in the hallway when I said you could be a young-adult writer. Your style is so zany, and I love your definition on who you are. An addict-- oh, and you surely can be such an addict. I signed up for NonNoRamMa (*scratches forehead* I messed up, eh?) and I have a lot of catching up to do.
I do have a word of advice... Just make sure you watch out for yourself because at the moment, you're like savage beast. Shit, I'm not even able to tame you, and I'm pretty out there myself. But, just make sure you think a little before you do. Wouldn't want the ol' Queen of Hearts slicing up poor, little Alice in the end of it all, if you know what I mean. Love ya, girly.
KTG:
ReplyDeleteYou would definitely be the one to fart (due to being scared) in a zombie invasions, and get yourself killed, girly. The fart, of course, would be followed by your hilarious laughter. I love how, over any of my friends, you still can find the ridiculous and humour in everything and anything! You easily brighten up my day whenever you laugh or call me a 'poopsicle' or something.
Alex V
ReplyDeleteyou totally just confused me more :(
but you're totally right, if 911 hadn't had happened i probably wouldn't be afraid of planes or terorists.